I don’t think I’ve cried so hard for a very long time. I was electrified, envious, and encouraged. Nearly impossible to put down, the book I held on my lap robbed me of sleep.
As a 14-year infertility patient, I had a high desire to connect with the 2 babies growing in my belly. We knew we had conceived on day 18 of that GIFT procedure, thanks to that first scheduled ultrasound, and we marveled at the flutter of two newly-formed beating hearts in what many call a ‘blob of tissue’. Long before my baby bump showed off the precious miracle, I prayed for, patted, sang and read to our little twins. But unknown to me at the time, what was happening inside my belly was more even miraculous than I could fathom!
We will all do our fair share of grieving in this life, some more than others.
It’s been a few years since Robert Rogers lost his whole family in a wall of water on a rainy, dark night. This grieving man had come to play piano to the residents of the nursing home where my mother lives. She spoke told me his story as chronicled in his book Into the Deep: One Man’s Story of How Tragedy Took His Family but Could Not Take His Faith (Focus on the Family Books).
Robert alone survived raging, rapidly rising flash flood waters which swept their silver minivan off I-35, trapping some and sweeping others out into the cruel torrent. Wouldn’t you ask, “Why?” Why did God allow this to happen? Stunned and exhausted, but alive, Robert had to deal with intense grieving in the days ahead as he identified and buried his loved ones and returned to an empty home.
As I stood in my home for the first time since the flood, the essence of my family engulfed me. Reminders of them surrounded me. But there was something else to remind me that they were gone: silence. There were no cheers as I came through the door, no cries in the other room, no whining over who pinched whom, no ‘I love yous,” and no music.
Betsie and Corrie ten Boom spent time in notorious Ravensbrück Concentration Camp north of Berlin for hiding Jews in their home during the Nazi occupation of Holland. The ten Boom family of Haarlem, Holland were watchmakers by trade. They also lived as devout Christians. Corrie was raised to understand that honoring God included respecting the Jewish people. Here is Corrie ten Boom’s famous story of Betsie and the fleas from The Hiding Place:
We lay back, struggling against the nausea that swept over us from the reeking straw.
In her long life, Ruth Graham gave us some tremendous marriage lessons. She took it as her calling to nurture and keep her whole family happy, especially Billy.
We all know that young adults make many of their most life-altering decisions before age 30, and yet in recent years the role models, those to whom they turn for direction about living life to its fullest, are current sports figures or celebrities than wise elders. Some say the fault lies at the feet of elders who decide to carry on in permanent youth rather than become a role model or pass along their accumulated wisdom.
Ruth Graham, who died in 2007, fully embraced her role and ultimately left us 14 books to pass along the life lessons she gleaned throughout her full life. But the most important lessons that we can learn from Ruth Graham come from the example of her marriage to one of the world’s most famous men.
The most pivotal decision that Ruth Bell made was to marry Billy Graham, whom she met while a student at Wheaton College. Her decision was made with “open eyes” and most of her internal wrestling went on before becoming engaged to Billy. She had always planned to be as she put it, “an old-maid missionary.” When she finally made up her mind to marry Billy, she never looked back. Her idea, willingly decided, was to simply slip “into the background.”
It’s not unusual today for couples to still be unsure as they walk down the aisle on their wedding day. Such a life-changing decision should be made with eyes wide open. One or both of them enter marriage thinking that they will change the things about their mate they don’t like, yet, neither will likely change. Ruth Graham modeled the seriousness of one’s facing reality, for “better or worse.”
People who knew her talk about her vitality, her joy, and her mischievousness. Ruth and her effervescent personality chose to stay in the background, but she did not live in her husband’s shadow. She raised their five children almost single-handedly, yet she did not complain or slip into bitterness over her lot in life. She chose to stay busy and to develop a ministry of her own. Since her death, numerous stories have been told about her work among individuals in the small community of Montreat, N.C. where she lived during all the six decades of her marriage. All of her children report that she used Billy’s absences to do the things that she believed God had called her to do, and she did those things with a joyful heart.
The support of her church family was undoubtedly a factor in her being able to carry her burdens with indefatigable energy and a ready smile.
Perhaps one of her best marriage lessons, though, was when she told her daughters that their responsibility toward their husbands was not to “make them good,” but to “keep them happy.” It truly became her calling to nurture and keep her whole family happy, most especially Billy. In a life full of wonderful accomplishments, keeping her husband happy and thus well-equipped emotionally for the demands of ministry – along with helping to insulate him from many of the temptations that went with his fame – numbers as one of her greatest achievements.
“I pity the married couple who expect too much from one another. It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be: ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain. The same goes for the man who expects too much from his wife.” ~Ruth Bell Graham
Oh, I love this woman Corrie ten Boom! Her words are simple and yet profound and filled with wisdom. We must not lose them. They are as rich in analogy and as pertinent today as back in 1974.