Excellent post by Susan Platt.
Hello!
I’m Susan, imperfect wife, mother, and lover of Jesus!
I am a girl learning to love to do what must be done, and finding that grace is more beautiful each day!
When Did We Stop Liking Children?
Seriously? Can anyone put their finger on it?
When did our nation adopt this perfect boy-girl, 1.9 family dogma?
I have 4 children.
That’s it.
Four.
We aren’t exactly running an orphanage. In a lot of circles having only four children would be considered a small family.
If you have more than 2 children you have probably had someone say one, or all, of these things to you (especially at the grocery store):
“Are those ALL your kids?”
Now, if I had a dollar every time I have heard this, we could pay off our house! Really.
I like to answer this seemingly obvious question in different ways (depending on my mood that day).
Usually I say, “Well, they do seem to be following me around calling me “Mom.” 🙂
But sometimes I like to say, “Nope, I had to run to the store to buy these 377 items you see in my cart, and I thought, ‘I bet this would be whole lot easier with a bunch of random kids that aren’t mine.'”
When we were expecting number two, people would always ask me “Is it a boy or a girl?” We already had one boy SO it just made perfect American sense that we should make #2 a girl, THEN we could call it quits.
Perfect.
Finito.
Right?
Everyone can have everything they want, our parent to child ratio will equate perfectly! (Obviously, I’m not buying it ;))
How about this one?
“Are you going to have any MORE?”
Let’s pretend for a second that is okay for complete strangers to assume they are entitled to any input on the number of children I, or anyone else has is okay.
Okay? Okay.
Not okay!!
This is RUDE. People with {what some may consider} a large family, find this comment offensive. My reply is always pretty consistent with this one.
“Only if we want to.”
That usually zips that line of conversation up pretty quickly. 😉
Now this one, in my humble opinion, is way over used.
“I just don’t know HOW you do it.”
Hmmmm. Is this a compliment? A question? A statement? You would think I would have a default script prepared for this one, but as of yet, I don’t think I’ve ever responded the same way twice.
How about this one? I know you poor expecting mamas have heard it more than you care to.
“You know what CAUSES that, right?”
I think (if there ever is a next time) I will say, with a straight face, “No, could YOU please explain what causes that?”
My personal favorite?
“How can you AFFORD all those kids?”
The short answer is, we can’t. We sacrifice. We wear second hand clothes. We pass on things that we don’t have the money for. We’d have to take out a second mortgage to go see the latest movie at the theatre, so we don’t go (not much of a sacrifice in my book). We try to be content. We make do with what we have, which by the way, is like 95% more than the rest of the world. We make it work!
Now, wait for it. It’s coming. It always does!
“What about COLLEGE?”
I have to admit this makes me smile. I realize education is important, I really do—BUT—I will not bow down to the altar of the education god we have come to worship in this country. This may be shocking and scandalous, but here it is. Not EVERYONE has to go to college. I said it. I mean it. College is not for everyone. I do have at least one child who plans to go to college. He knows that he must study hard now, test well later, dig for scholarships, and after all that, pay his own way. His dad and I cannot afford it. We love him more than our own lives, this he knows. That does not change because we cannot foot his college education. We will help him every step of the way, but in the end, his education is, and will be, his responsibility. He will have to work for it, just like any of our other children that want to pursue a college degree.
If you have several children you KNOW what I am talking about.
You KNOW what it’s like to walk into a public place with your little waddling duck parade trailing behind you.
You KNOW most of the people in the restaurant just secretly prayed your family wouldn’t be seated by them.
You have had your children counted as they filed in, like people work for the citizen’s census committee or something.
I get it.
We don’t see a lot of large families these days, but WHY? Have we asked ourselves why we have stopped liking children? Why do we cringe when the children walk in? Why do the moms on Facebook want to plow a path for the bus after their children have had a couple snow days? How does this make our children feel? Unwanted? In the way?
Why do even elderly people, who used to adore little ones, now turn their noses up and stop liking children? Why do people try to talk you out of having any more?
I have some theories on these WHYS. We have been served this ideology that children are to be taken care of by “experts.” We have been fed this thought that diapers can be changed, and noses can be wiped by anyone. Why would a capable and intelligent woman forfeit her potential to stay home and do the mundane, the ordinary, the grunt work? How can we as women be satisfied in being ONLY a wife and mom? I mean any woman can do that, right? That’s what we have daycares for.
You may be asking yourself, how are these things related? What does people not liking children have to do with whether or not you stay at home or have a career?
What I KNOW is this. Children require A LOT; a lot of care, a lot of life training, a lot of correction, a lot of compassion, A LOT of time. Obviously, a lot of children are falling through the cracks. They are not being held morally accountable. They are being more influenced by their peers than their parents. They do not know how to behave properly. It has left a bad taste in the mouths of people. People expect my children to behave badly (and sometimes they do, because after all, they are children). They think they are going to wreck the place, be rude, rowdy, and a nuisance. I get it. I tell my own all the time, “Here’s a chance to make grown-ups like children again, don’t waste it. Be courteous and kind. Be engaged. Act like a civilized person.”
You may think I’m getting a little carried away here. Saying we don’t like children as a whole, sounds a bit harsh.
I’m not talking about meeting their material needs. Oh, as a society, we are all over that one. Most children have nicer clothes, shoes, and devices than full-time working adults. I’m talking about meeting their needs of morality. Teaching them right from wrong, and insisting they comply. Teaching them to respect themselves, and others. Teaching them how to behave in a grocery store and a restaurant so people will once again embrace children and large families.
We are so consumed and busy with stuff , it has blinded us. Work more, buy more.
I have always jokingly said, “Instead of having lots of money, we chose to have lots of children, and you can’t usually have both.”
I think people associate a large family with poverty, exhaustion, doing without. Absolutely, that is part of it, but it is not one dimensional!
We serve one another in love. We don’t have as many material things as a smaller family, and that’s okay. We have to put the needs, (and sometimes wants) of other people ahead of our own.
It is not all sacrifice though! There is joy, uncountable joy that comes with a large crew!
You are NOT hearing me say that everyone has to have a bunch of children because we did. What I am saying is, we have bought into this idea that large families are a burden to us all. They are not!
I have even heard people say it is “irresponsible” to have more than two children. WHAT?!
My response to that nonsense?
Is it easy having four children? OF COURSE NOT, HOW COULD IT BE?
Is it tiring? YES.
Is it expensive? ABSOLUTELY (Do you know how much food an almost 14 year old boy alone, eats? ;))
Is my home Pinterest perfect? HA!
Is it beautiful and fulfilling? WITHOUT A DOUBT.
The reality of a family photo shoot 🙂
The next time you see some mama in the store with a passel of little people behind her in the middle of the day, take a moment to thank her for investing in the future. Thank her for sticking with it when we all know it is expensive, exhausting and under-appreciated. Do not discourage her with meaningless questions and ridiculous assumptions.
Look for the good in the children, you will find it. Let’s all learn to love hanging out with our own people again! We have so much reason for liking children!
Do you know some mama with a bunch of littles that need some encouragement? Please share the love!
Susan is an imperfect wife and mother learning to love to do what must be done. Finding that genuine love is in the doing. Reveling in God’s grace, that becomes more beautiful each day, and trying to love and encourage all who cross my path. Rejoicing in His goodness to me!
Toni
This IS an excellent post, Susan, and right on the money. Sadly, our society is just too selfish to take the time to raise more than one or two children per household. To me the word SELFIES not only describes stupid pics people take of themselves, but the actual folks themselves. Oh, I enjoyed the video it’s very funny. 🙂
Jacqueline, I want to wish you a wonderful weekend!
Susan Platt
Toni,
We have definitely become a selfie nation, but I do have hope for the generation that is being raised up right now. There are a lot of people training their children up in the Word and teaching them to serve others instead of self. If one whole generation would take back their children and bring them up in the Lord, what a different world we would live in! Thanks for reading and sharing my blog!
Susan
Jacqueline
Thanks, Toni! You, too! Are you going to work in the garden? I just came in from working in the raspberry patch and pruning back some climbing roses…thorny beasts 😛 Susan, I am so happy to be able to share your writing on DRAH. You are right on! Blessings, you two
Toni
Jacqueline, those raspberries sound delicious already!
I was planning to pick more violets today and make some nifty things with them (see last blog post) – then help with mowing tomorrow as the backyard grass is as tall as the grass in the pasture. O.O, but it’s rainin’ and pourin’ so I guess this ol’ girl will just be snorin’…lol. No, just kiddin’, I’d love to work in the garden, and the signs are good for it this weekend, but it’s just too wet…may have to go antiquing. 😉
Have a wonderful weekend!
p.s. I use a 6ft. zero-turn mower so it’s not really much of a chore. Thank the Lord for 0-turn mowers!
Jacqueline
Haha, Toni!! We call our mower the ZTR (and I have yet to use it b/c the guys love that zero turning radius so much!) Anyway, I will be violet hunting this morning still. We just had our son’s friend here for breakfast and am seeing our daughter off to help with a wedding which we’ll be attending tomorrow so it is a busy weekend! Staying ahead of the grass will be upon us here soon too, but the rain storms are rolling through even as I type 🙂 Please pray the fields dry out for our son. He is turning the hay field under this year to plant organic corn and then planting more alfalfa and grasses over the stubble this fall for another 4-5 years of organic hay…his specialty. We have all we can produce contracted already. He is such a good, happy young man and farmer!
Love you, friend~
Bev
It is sad that our society regards children as such, I see it a lot. I only have 2 children as I’ve lost many children and I long to have a large family! I don’t understand people that would deliberately choose not to have children when so many would love to have that opportunity (to have them).
Susan Platt
Bev,
I am most sorry for your loss. I know must be an un-fill able hole, until heaven! Thanks for reading The Modern Mayflower Blog!
Join me at http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
Until then,
Susan
Melissa
As a mom of four kids under 7 trying to raise socially responsible children, I absolutely loved this post. It’s encouraging to know we’re not alone. I love the comment about taking the opportunity to make grown ups like children again.
Susan Platt
Melissa,
It is a encouragement to find so many like minded ladies! I feel like I have friends I didn’t even know about all over the world:). Thank you for taking time out of your (I’m sure) busy day! Please head over and subscribe at my new site so we can stay in touch! http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
<3 Susan
JES
Great encouragement! You really hit the nail on the head with the part where most children are undisciplined. No one wants to be around a whiny, bratty, demanding child. I was recently at a function where I was asked rudely for a piece of bread (no “please” first). The last thing I wanted to do was hand over that bread! I wanted to deliver a lesson in manners instead. But back to the point, when we raise our children according to Biblical standards (which takes work!!!!), though they still will not be perfect, they WILL be a blessing AND actually LIKE-ABLE! It is this new crop of untrained children (due to worldly philosophies, lack of time, lack of home life) that is giving the poor little ones a bad wrap. I sure hope this article gets out because the truth is, children are a lot of fun!!! 🙂
Charlotte Moore
You are so right!! Children raising children is another problem. So sad!! Some do not have a chance.
Jacqueline
I am so sad, too, Charlotte. I am thankful for Susan’s article and the needed perspective it brings. It drives me on to write in hopes that it (Titus 2 love and teaching) might find fertile hearts. The Lord foretold that these times would come, and we must be ready to respond in love and prayer for these hurting souls. Thank you for praying along with me for young girls, young women, wives and mothers, and for families. Have mercy on us, O Lord and draw us to Yourself!
Love you, sister! Have a wonderful weekend!
Susan Platt
Jes,
Thanks you so much for reading and the encouragement to keep on keeping on. God promises His Word does not return void. Thanks for reading! Please subscribe and stay in touch! http://Www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
Thanks!
Susan
Charlotte Moore
Wonderful post to read. You sure hit it right on the nose.
GOD BLESS!!!
Susan Platt
Thank you, Charlotte!
Please subscribe over at my blog if you’d like:)
http://Www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
See you there!
Susan
Lana
We have 5 grown children and I see that nothing has changed! The college question was always the one that made me the most irked. And we were told that since 3 of ours were bunched up in 4 years that we should have planned that better if we had to have so many so that they would not all be in college at the same time. The interesting thing is that multiple children in college at the same time opens up the door to a lot more scholarship money! And by the way, all five of ours have a bachelor’s degree and with very little debt. Four out of five had a full tuition scholarship and the other one worked every other term. I agree that every child does not have to go to college but ours did because what they desired to do required a degree.
Susan Platt
Lana,
Yes! I love to hear from ladies who have been there and are still smiling!
Please come along with me at: http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
Thanks!
Susan
Carie Dirks
Dear Jacqueline,
I want to start off with saying you don’t have to post this comment, I would have emailed instead, but couldn’t find an email link. I have followed your blog for quite some time now, but have never commented. I don’t always agree with all of the posts, but overall I think they are usually right on target and are things that need to be said and gotten out. Thank you for trying to honor the LORD JESUS CHRIST in the things you post.
Now I do have to say something to this post. I agree whole heartedly about what Susan says about children. They are a blessing from the LORD and it is our responsibility to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the LORD. I also agree whole heartily that college isn’t for everyone and that it is a rewarding career being “Only” a wife and mother. However, the video of the comedian I was not able to finish watching because of him using GOD’s name in vain. I was shocked that a professing Christian didn’t even give any warning to this error. It may not seem like a big deal, but to GOD it is, and we will be held accountable when we stand before CHRIST to give an account for every idle word spoken. Using GOD’s name in vain is a form of blasphemy and the Bible does not talk well of blasphemy. Just because the world uses the LORD’s name as an every day curse word, should make us even more sure not to do it. We are to be in the world, but not of the world. A warning should have at least been given and at the most the video should not have been shown because of this. It may seem like a small thing, but it has been proven that what the parents allow in moderation, the children do in excess. If we allow t.v. with inappropriate material, even using GOD’s name in vain once, the children will allow in excess.
Again, I do enjoy your blog and I agree whole heartily with Susan’s post, but I had to say something about the video. Everywhere you go you hear the LORD’s name in one form or another used wrong, shouldn’t professing Christians be different? It matters to the LORD JESUS CHRIST, shouldn’t it matter to us?
Thanks for reading,
Carie Dirks
Jacqueline
Oh, dear Carie! THANK YOU for calling me on this. I listened to part of it a long time ago and started to again ( I *always* listen through to check videos before airing them), but was called away on an emergency and never got back to it. I totally forgot and was lulled into thinking it was fine all the way through since it ‘seemed’ to be in the earlier part. I am so sorry, but needed to know this. I will add a caveat line (and the time) for others. I fully agree with you and just am so sad it slipped by me. Using God’s name in that way is a sin and it may look like I condone it, or a child might be watching with their parents and think it ‘funny’ or cute. We don’t even own a TV b/c of the coarse talk.
Thank you again. I am so glad you spoke up. You are a true friend and sister in the Lord 🙂 God bless you…I’ll take care of it now.
Warmly, Jacqueline
Jacqueline
Actually, Carrie, on second thought and reflection before the Lord, I am taking the video down…I went back and listened again (just for 20 seconds). There is much he says that is coarse, and we are to not let any coarse talk come out of our mouths! The Holy Spirit affirms in my heart that this is the only call! Thank you again, and I will be much more attentive from now on. You are a gem of a friend. “The wounds of a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:6!! xoxo
Carie Dirks
Thank you Jacqueline for hearing in the right spirit, may the LORD JESUS CHRIST be blessed and praised.
May the LORD continue to bless you in your daily walk with HIM.
Carie Dirks
Susan Platt
Jacque,
Apologies!
Susan
Susan Platt
Carrie,
I whole heartedly agree and did not realize that he used God’s name in vain. I also cringe when I hear people use His name flippantly. I am very embarrassed and apologize. The video has been removed and I will remove it from my personal blog, too. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. Please, do not be upset with Jacqueline and thank you for reading!
Susan
Carie Dirks
Susan,
Thank you for also taking this in the right spirit. No, I am not upset with Jacqueline. As Christians we must always be on guard, even more now for the time is very late.
Blessings and may the LORD bless you with more children in HIS timing and will.
Carie Dirks
Mindy
Great post! When you said, “You know what CAUSES that, right?”, I couldn’t help but to laughed out loud. My mother-in-law said that to me (in addition to telling me to have my husband “fixed”) when we announced we were expecting #3. Well, here we are expecting #4! We have been putting off telling his family because of all the negative comments we received last time. It is very hurtful. It is very rewarding though when we go out places and people comment about how well behaved my kids are. Like you had said, they were already expecting them to be a nuisance. I agree with so much that you said throughout this post. Loved it!
Susan Platt
Mindy,
Thank you for your words of encouragement and taking the time to read. When I first wrote this it was to encourage about 10 ladies in my Bible study group and now thousands of people have read it! Amazed, humbled, and encouraged! Please subscribe and keep in touch!
Susan
Erin
We’ve been through the same thing with my parents. They were annoyed that we had four, but when they found out we were expecting our fifth my dad was angry. Really angry at our “stupidity”, ranted about how we were always going to be poor and he decided to sell family land that we had talked about building on because now we would never be able to afford it.
That fifth baby is now four and absolutely the apple of my dad’s eye. I have a bit of resentment in my heart and want to jab him with the reminder of how angry he was that we were “allowing” this child to enter the world, but I have kept my mouth shut in hopes that he will someday realize the truth about the blessing of children. I’m not holding my breath as I am pretty sure he is lost, but do enjoy the peace that comes with him taking delight in all of our children.
Praying for you as I know the stress parental disapproval can cause, even as an adult. I will say that as, due to health issues, my days of having children seem over, one of my biggest regrets is the energy I wasted stressing over my parents’ disappointment.
Erica Ricky Kennedy
Lovely post! Brings back good memories of raising 4 in the 80’s and 90’s. I used to get all of the same comments even back in “those” days. People would ask if they shouldn’t be in school…and I would say, “They are!” I loved raising our “big” family, though I feel like a piker amid the “big” families that I read about online. (Still, we started in our mid-thirties…) Good luck to you, Susan, and your family.
Susan Platt
Erica,
Thank you, thank you for reading my blog! Please join me at http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
Talk to you soon,
Susan
Therese Bizabishaka
Great post. Over my 17 years of marriage I have been blessed with 5 children (4girls and a boy). My OBGYN said that I would need IVF after the 3rd because of a medical condition but through prayer I had 2 more. I’m starting to feel that maybe my child bearing years are comming to a close my youngest I now 3yrs and I am quickly approaching 43yrs. It slightl bothers me that if I don’t have any more children it’s because we were trying for a boy and finally stopped when we got one. On one income and 5 children and my husband being a teacher we are starting to feel the financial pinch of a larger family, paying off a house etc. But it is well worth it. If you feel what ou are doing has purpose and value then it is worth it. God Bless You.
Susan Platt
Therese,
We definitely feel the financial pinch, but it is OKAY. It is so worth the doing! Come on over and join us at my blog:)
http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
Thanks for reading!
Susan
Erin
Our first four children came in rapid succession. The most memorable comment I received was while I was shopping at Menard’s with a child standing and riding on each of the three sides of the cart while the baby sat in the cart’s child seat.
I answered his “all they all yours?” question with, “Yes, they are.” He then said, “You’re a good little producer, aren’t you!”
I figured he must have been a livestock farmer. Sigh.
Susan Platt
Erin,
Productivity is a good thing 😉
Join me over at http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com, love to have you!
Susan
Jeannie
I love this post! So well said, and so encouraging and inspiring. It makes me want to stand up and shout, AMEN! I’m heading over to visit your other site. So nice to meet you and I look forward to reading whatever else you write. I’m expecting our 7th baby and have heard all those comments too. The ones that hurt the most are the ones from your own family members. I always wanted to ask them, “Why do accept 1 and 2 and possibly 3 but not want to accept 4, 5, and 6? Are they less important?”
Susan Platt
Jeannie,
Thank you, thank you :). I am honored that you would spend time with me through my blog! See you there:)
Susan
essijay
I can already tell that my opinion will not be taken very well on this site but you asked a question and I really feel the need to answer it, even if it was meant as rhetoric. When did we stop liking children? I cannot speak for everyone, only myself, but I stopped liking the idea of reproduction when I realized how horribly unsustainable it is to have 7 billion human beings on this planet. Especially when the majority of these human beings live in cultures so overrun with selfishness and greed. We are killing the Earth. Our boundless consumerism is raping finite resources. We are using up all the water, all the trees, all the oil, all the minerals – and for what? So we can have all the latest gadgets for children who wanna take selfies of themselves with their cleavage showing? For pornography and gambling and the filth that we call entertainment? We are using all the resources and those who aren’t as “worthy” of water and trees/oxygen suffer and die. Sea creatures whose habitats have been poisoned with oil and nuclear are suffering and dying, forest animals whose habitats have been demolished are suffering and dying, Arctic animals whose habitats are becoming too hot for them are suffering and dying, other humans who just happen to have been born in a country our government wants control over are suffering and dying. Yet we continue to be unsatisfied with the necessities that others are dying, literally, to have.
I’m sorry, but yes. It IS irresponsible to have many children.
You are SO privileged, yet your entire post seems to be about how you’re being oppressed because of how other people ask questions about your children. But I’m going to ask one you might not have ever been asked before, and I don’t really want an answer, because your knee-jerk reaction is going to be to deny climate change and droughts and extreme weather and just call me a conspiracy theorist, just think on it for a while. What happens when your babies are grown and living in a world so overpopulated and destroyed that they are the ones suffering and dying? I don’t believe they will look back on our generation and the half-dozen before ours and be forgiving for our selfishness and greed. I believe they will look back and wonder why we thought it was a good idea to kill off all the humans who were actually living sustainably and use up all the resources that would engender a future for living beings besides ourselves.
Jacqueline
Dear Essijay,
We will never live in a Utopian world, no matter how few people there are. We live in a fallen world. As a result of Adam’s and Eve’s sin, the world has to contend with sickness, sorrow, evil and death. Everyone born into this world has the sin nature already in him or her. Therefore, nobody is born truly innocent and pure, but has the in-built desire to sin. We will suffer the consequences of our willfulness. We cannot make it right – only Christ can do that. As those who follow the way of the cross, our hope is in Jesus Christ alone. That is one of the beauties of the Word of God and that Jesus came to save us from the sin and pain of it…we are only here for a short time, and our focus is on another world – A new heaven and a new earth (Revelations 21: 1-2)! God knows we have ruined it and He will restore it to it’s former beauty and pristine form. Nothing will stand in the way of His restoration. I share this so you can maybe understand where I am coming from: http://grooveshark.com/s/The+New+Jerusalem/30BzVF?src=5
Lyrics:
I saw the Holy City
Descending from the sky
So brilliant with the light of God
The city is His bride
There is no temple in this town
No sun, no moon, no lamp
For God’s own glory is it’s light
Illuminated by the Lamb
And God Himself will wipe the tears
From every weeping eye
No death, no pain, no mourning cry
And every tear made dry
CHORUS:
And now our God will dwell with them
The new Jerusalem
And He Himself will walk with them
The new Jerusalem
And so let all of those who thirst
Come now and drink for free
And to the one who overcomes
Come now and you will see
*****Behold the old has passed away
Now everything is new
The Alpha and Omega’s words
Are trustworthy and so true*****
And God Himself will wipe the tears
From every weeping eye
No death, no pain, no mourning cry
And every tear made dry
Yes, we need to be responsible in every area. I am very sad and upset to see *some* parents let their children run wild and fail to train them up to shoulder responsibility and be a part of the solution in making this a better world, but Utopia, it will (and can) never be. Many, many families are VERY responsible and are raising wonderful and well-mannered children who know how to work and think and solve problems and go on to make positive contributions in life. Our family believes in being good stewards (with children and the earth), and in the last two weeks, we’ve moved over a dozen 5-6′ pine trees…we care for our land as organic farmers and small businessmen. The reason I write a Titus 2 blog is to encourage wives, mothers and women to look to the only source of peace and life – Jesus. Jesus said, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” ~John 8: 31-32 We will never be free if we believe the lie that the earth is our savior. (Note: I placed asterisks on the verse above that keeps me from despairing about the plight of the earth!!) The earth was created BY the Savior and He will control the time even up to the moment He returns to take His children to Himself. No one knows that day or hour! Not me, not you!
Essijay, I would ask yourself what will happen to your soul if you die tomorrow. If you are not a believer, the aim of my question is to wake you up from the slumber of indifference to the question of death and eternity and to motivate you to consider Jesus Christ as the only way to eternal life and the only escape from hell and eternal death. “I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father but by me” (John 14:6). There is no other way to God.
The possibilities for joy and misery after you die are trillions of times greater than in the few years on this earth before you die. The Bible compares this life to a vapor that appears as you breathe on a cold winter morning and then vanishes (James 4:14). The Bible describes the time after death as “ages of ages.” Not just one or two ages of thousands of years, but ages of ages; thousands and thousands of ages (Revelation 14:11). It matters infinitely what happens to you after you die.
Thank you for commenting. I am sorry for rambling. I have been gone away from my computer so much in the last 2 weeks, but I do care about what you are talking about- and thank you for thinking about what I’ve written. I am always here for women, even if your comment is difficult.
Jacqueline
Susan Platt
Essijay,
Since you asked me a direct question, I feel it is fair to answer.
“What happens when your babies are grown and living in a world so overpopulated and destroyed that they are the ones suffering and dying?”
My children will suffer and die, and so will yours, and everyone else’s. That doesn’t mean life isn’t worth the living. We live in a broken, and suffering world, and each of us ARE going to die, sooner or later. Doesn’t dying always include suffering? I do not say this without feeling, but factually. I HATE that people are doing without so many essential needs. As Christians and human beings we should ALL care, and we certainly try to! However, I do not accept the philosophy of not having large families due to overpopulation. If we do not continue to have children, what good are the resources of earth? A beautiful planet, without life to enjoy it….. The earth was created for us, not vise versa.
Even so, because some of your concerns are valid, we try very hard (as a family) to use what we need wisely. We grow A LOT of our own food, we repurpose instead of buying new, we wear second hand, we use things that already exist.
We do not have to agree on all of these things (or any of these things) to be kind to one another. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and I hope this finds you well!
Susan
Kate
Susan, you wrote “‘What happens when your babies are grown and living in a world so overpopulated and destroyed that they are the ones suffering and dying?’
My children will suffer and die, and so will yours, and everyone else’s. That doesn’t mean life isn’t worth the living.”
If you believe that God gave us all free will, why do you think this has to be what happens? If more people make the choice to have smaller families. we do not need to end up in this overpopulated world where all of our children die. Isn’t it worth trying to preserve the Earth for our children and grandchildren so that they can live too?
Anna
I cringed when I read “If you believe that God…Isn’t it worth trying” I DO believe in God and His promises to care for us much more than the birds in the air or the flowers in the field. Someone that doesn’t know or believe truth cannot grasp that even THIS, even the whole earth and all it’s resources are under His control. He has called us to be fruitful, not fruitful unless you think you have a better plan.
Something MANY misunderstand is that they have assumptions that they might not even know about. People assume that a larger family must be consuming MORE than a smaller family. I can tell you almost all of the larger families I know do well with less! I have 6 children and they do not each get a new phone every year, a car upon turning 16, hoards of clothes each school year because styles have changed. No, our family of 8 does better with less than the family of four than lives next door that has two brand new cars, a truck and a large boat they take out to the river each weekend and burn gas in all day Saturday and Sunday. Our family of 8 does with less than the family next door of five that has all three kids in two or three sports each which require equipment that is replaced each year because team colors have changed, practices all over town in every direction and that goes to tournaments at least every other weekend in two different towns in both of their cars.
A larger number of people does not mean more consumption. A larger number of people means we have to prioritize the resources we have and seeing that all that consumption that so many in our society do is not all it is cracked up to be!
skydragon
You are so right. It is irresponsible and selfish to have many children. Our world is facing a “Soylent Green” future, thanks in part to breeders with a sense of entitlement.
Jennifer
LOVE this post. Amen!
Susan Platt
Thank you. Would love to have you over at my blog:)
Susan
Aspen Jay
We have two so far and people are always asking us if we will be having any more. My response is, we will have as many children as come to us! My husband comes from a family of 9 and I come from a family of 8 and I cannot imagine a world without one of them! Thanks for the post!
Jacqueline
Aspen Jay, we are not a big family with only 3 children (we couldn’t conceive for almost 20 years: https://deeprootsathome.com/now-i-value-life/ ), but we have so many large families that encourage us so! They are raising the children up to be responsible, knowledgeable, and respectful. That is our personal experience, though I also see those who are not. I wish you all the richness and blessing of just exactly what the Lord gives you in life! With God’s power and wisdom, you will be excellent, effective parents 🙂 ((Hugs!!))
Susan Platt
Aspen Jay,
Thanks for reading! Please join us at http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
See you soon!
Susan
Rebekah
Love this! I have 5 children 9 and under so you can imagine the looks I get and the things people say to me! I think we have a job though to reeducate people because I really think they have been brainwashed by our society and say many things out of ignorance. people always say to me, “Boy you have your hands full!” and I always say, ” I’d rather have them full then empty!”
linking up with you at mama moments monday;)
Jacqueline
Welcome, Rebekah! As I commented to Aspen Jay, we are not a big family with only 3 (we couldn’t conceive for almost 20 years: https://deeprootsathome.com/now-i-value-life/ ), but we have so many large families that encourage us immensely! I’m praying for you and yours – that the Lord will bless and enrich your lives and those touched by your heart for family. May Jesus give you wisdom, peace, joy, good health, and laughter in your journey! 🙂
Susan Platt
Rebekah,
Thank you for reading:). It is a very heavy, humbling, and rewarding position to be called “Mom. “. I know that most women do not take it lightly and am so encouraged to meet women with a heart for children.!
Please join me over at my blog:
http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
Nicole
I am the youngest of four children. I don’t think anyone gave four children any notice back in our childhood day. Things have changed a lot in the past 30 years.
jason kite
We have 6 kids. My new response when people ask, “you know what causes that,right?” Has recently become, “yes. And you stopped at two?”
Jacqueline
Jason, THAT is a GREAT response!! I would be laughing so hard 🙂 Way to go, Dad! Thanks for commenting.
Susan Platt
Jason,
That is so funny! I can already see the faces of people when I use it :). Thanks for reading, and thanks for being a dad with a heart for his children! If you’d like, you’re most welcome to come along with my blog at http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
See you there,
Susan
Chrissy
This is a great post. I only have 3 children and I have gotten some of these kinds of comments. I remember growing up there were quite a few families with 7, 8 or more kids. I rarely ever see families of this size now. It is sad because most of the large families I grew up around were very happy families. It is so sad and strange to hear so many young women say they never want children. I still some elderly people who like children, but even among the senior citizens there is often an attitude that having children around is annoying.
Susan Platt
Chrissy,
I agree it is very sad to see so many miss the beauty in large family dynamics. Thank you for reading! Please join me over at my blog: http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
Celi
Oh how I LOOOOVE this post!! I always wanted 4 children, God sent me two and I love them dearly. Now after my first turned 4 and I became pregnant with my second I was shocked to receive questioning comments. Such negative thoughts on whether we could afford a second child. I felt like I was being told that I was acting irresponsibly. I was so upset that they took my joyous moment and threw a bucket of cold water all over it. Of course I had to move on from those thoughts but still it happens. I’ll never understand how people can feel they have the right to judge, criticize or even weigh in at all on our family census. It boggles the mind. God bless your beautiful family! I say the bigger the better. That means more hugs and kisses. ♥
Susan Platt
Celi,
Thank you for the kind words, and for taking the time to read my blog! I would love to have you over at http://www.themodernmayflowerblog.com
Thanks again, Susan
Hafapea
I don’t really judge, one way or the other, but I find it interesting that folks commented that they think people have become too selfish to have more than 1 or 2 children. To my way of thinking, and that of others I know, it is selfish to have anymore than that. Our planet is way overpopulated as it is and I would feel as if I were hurting it and humanity by adding to that burden. We still love kids though.
Deborah
Children are a gift from God! Many people miss out on this as they are too consumed with their life. I am fast approaching my 6th bday and for me motherhood is one of the greatest gifts I have been given. There are many seasons to a woman’s life. Be content to embrace each one and trust the Lord for the future. My hubby and I wanted to have 6 kids, I birthed 4. We fostered many others. We heard all the ugly things people say about large familys. I loved being a mommy! During that time I felt so fulfilled in doing what God had created me to do. I went on to get a degree in Early Childhood Education and teach for 25yrs and share my mothering and parenting skills . What a blessing. Now my hubby and I have both gone to school together and become chaplains. We do counciling in many different venues. Most importantly we have been blessed with 6 grandchildren. We are sharing are wisdom and experience in a different way. Life is a series of choices, choose to be the best you can be right where you are. Christ gave his best, He died for all of us to have a second chance. Doesn’t your child deserve your very best? Whether you have 2 or more? That’s a personal choice between husband and wife. They truly are a gift from God! Cherish them!
Tammy
This post made me think of a game I have loved since I was a girl. It was the Game of Life. The early version we played was from the 70’s. It rewarded you at the end for each child. So, you wanted to land on the spaces that gave you childrenand yhe ones with benefits for each child you had. As it happens, pieces were lost and the gameboard fell apart. We bought a much newer one in the 90’s. There were many spaces that penalized you for having children….day care expenses, medical expenses, insurance spaces. At the end there was no bonuses for having children. What a sad expression of our culture. Children are gifts from the Lord and blessed is the man whose quiver is full.
Anna
WOW, I had not noticed this! THANKS for pointing out just how much our cultural shift has changed.
Jason
The reason is most people are self centered wimps, plain and simple. Its the same reason many people send their children to public school, and before and after school programs and daycare, and feed them formula, they cant stand to be around their children, they dont have the mental strength to loose sleep, sacrifice, to miss a single shower, or change ten diapers a day. They are wimpy, weak people, and they when they see a strong woman like yourself being a mother and doing it while looking good they are intimidated and see your life as an attack on their own, so they make those rude idiotic statements to get back at you. When you see it for it is, it kind of makes you feel sorry for them.
Katy
With all due respect, Jason I did all of the above and am far from a weak, wimpy woman. How about instead of whining that large families get proper respect, you respect everyone period? I have no problem with large families. Whatever. That’s your choice. But my choice to have a small family is just as commendable and deserves just as much respect.
Carol
We have 1 child…..not because we are “selfish” or “wimpy”, but because that is the only child the Lord allowed us to have….and she is adopted and loved beyond measure! Be careful with your assumptions people whether they be about a large family or a small family. No need to add to the wounds people have already experienced in life.
Kate
Susan,
In your blog post, you mentioned that some people consider it irresponsible to raise so many children. I wish you had addressed your thoughts on this: presumably they think this because the population is growing very quickly. We may have enough resources for the 7.15 billion people we have today, but every place has a carrying capacity and if we keep having too many children, we will find that we have created an Earth where our children and grandchildren starve.
I believe every family should have the right to choose how many children to have – you have four, some couples have none – it is not currently in balance but maybe we can get there. However, I do not understand why you encourage other couples to also have large families and why you think couples who choose to have no children are selfish. If one married couple chooses not to have children, that means the planet will be less over-populated for your own children. Is that not a great thing for you? Maybe you should consider people who choose small families as a gift from God, and be grateful instead of disparaging.
Chrissy
We had a girl. Then a boy. Everyone was happy. 🙂
Then we had a girl. I started being asked if she was an accident. A mistake. I admitted that we hadn’t exactly planned her right that minute (we were going to start trying in a handful of months though.) Then asked if we were done. Obviously we’re done right?
… but we’re not. Unless God says so. Not sure entirely when, but both of us are agreed, there’s a fourth waiting for us.
When my mom had my sister, she was told by neighbors about how zero population must be achieved! My sister was the youngest of 9…. obviously my mom didn’t know how important this was! They explained it in detail. She was destroying the world. Kids are expensive. You’re condemning your kids to a lifetime of poverty by not making sure they are taken to every educational opportunity and paying for their college…
Then she had me. Lucky number 10. 🙂 They shunned her. I mean, completely stopped talking to her, and told her kids to avoid her kids.
Now, that was about 40 years ago. THAT generation raised 2 generations since then and each generation has been told how having more than 1-2 children is selfish, and that every child is snatching resources away from everyone else already here. THAT is why children aren’t liked today.
Mike
Sometimes when one has a large family they feel really different but there are others out there who have chosen to raise kids in a traditional manner and we all need to encourage each other.
Interview with a mother of nine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phaYb1veIMw
Lydia
Thank you for this post. I am a mother of 5. Ages 13 down to 8. Everything that was written here rings so true, and I have struggled with how to respond to people. One of our biological children is medically fragile, people didn’t understand why we then chose to also adopt a special-needs child. 5 is not such a big number, I have friends with many more children than I. For me, the special medical concerns are what gives people pause. Of course each season comes with its own challenges, but as the children get older, it does get easier. All life has value and is precious in the sight of God. I wish I could make those random strangers see this when they feel the need to comment on my line of ducklings, two of whom are usually rolling in their wheelchairs. I have to keep telling the part of me that struggles with “fear of man” that I am living for an audience of ONE.
Jacqueline
I appreciate your heart so much, Lydia! Thank you for your servant-heartedness! The verse that comes strongly to mind is this: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.” Colossians 3: 23-24 Audience of ONE!! You will not be disappointed, dear Mama, and I’m praising the Lord with you 🙂
Abby
Nice write-up Susan, I’ll share this with my daughter who is expecting her 4th child. Many of the comments she gets are the gender of the baby. The most interesting comment someone said recently to me (the grandmother to these little ones), was this pregnancy planned? The woman who asked was practically a stranger to me, I told her “I don’t know, I didn’t ask them”. When my daughter would be asked . . “you hoping for a girl?” She’d respond “Leaving it up to God, as He knows what is best and doesn’t make mistakes”.
Jackie B.
Thank you, Jacqueline and Susan. This post has given me hope and such encouragement today! This is a clear reminder of why we are here, to truly be a witness to the world by the fruit that we bear. Are we living with an eternity mindset, or a Harvard mindset? This is a hard reality, but we need to remember WHY we are here. Thank you both so very much for speaking truth in a pagan society. Praying for the Lord’s continued wisdom, strength, and provision for you families.
swapna
I’d hate to admit it in this forum, but I’m in the one & done category. We’re probably too selfish to devote our energies to another child! And I believe it’s better to admit that to ourself and have more and more children based on our fantasies! 1,2,3,4, any number is fine so long as parents do a reasonably good job with whatever number they’re bestowed with! 🙂 Pinning to the practical mondays board:)
Jacqueline
Thank you for pinning, Swapna! I think it is between and husband and wife and the Lord! Sending love to you! 😀
Alena
Very accurate!! Now try adding the fact that I have four children, I’m only 25, and look like I’m freshly 18. Now add in the fact that my children are all four ages 1-4. And they’re all adopted, and are all multi-racial, and none have the same shade of skin as the other!! 😉
Shalissa
I have eight kids. When people make the comments listed above I just smile and say “It’s totally worth it.” This response shares my testimony lovingly in a single sentence, and is equally appropriate whether the kids are angelic or misbehaving.
Jacqueline
Shalissa, THAT is a great response!! Short and sweet!
Blessings, dear Mama!!!
Rachel Espino
Excellent post and I know exactly what you are talking about. I am a mom to seven. It isn’t easy. I actually choose not to take them shopping with me but only because it is less stress. My greatest fear is losing one in the store. I am always very strict about where they should be at all times. Hands on the cart or in a big kid’s hand. I have had people count and ask questions. The whole gamut. But, I also hear the greatest compliments.
Jacqueline
It sounds like you are doing a great job, Mama! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and it’s wonderful to know there are vigilant moms who are really watching their children!! Hugs!
Rick
We are expecting #5 any day now. My wife (God bless her) stays at home and I support us financially. I have had every one of these comments/questions, the most frequent relating to finances once someone knows she doesn’t work. I don’t make an exuberant amount of money, but we are comfortable primarily because of my wife’s ability to manage money. Society does not expect us to keep up with the Jones because honestly, how could a family of 7 on single income ever compete? I can’t imagine why anyone would want to though, so I am grateful. I will take a movie night at home with popcorn we make ourselves over a theater every time. I doubt the movie complex will pause the movie 6 times.
There have been several movies made where a very wealth person is given the chance to go back in time and live their life with someone they love in a more humble manner. That life, that love, that happiness is exactly what it’s like. It’s no wonder the main character makes that choice in the end, every….single…time.
Mary
My answer to “Are you planning to have any more?” was always “If God chooses to give me more, I will accept them. Who am I to refuse His gifts?”
I always tried to teach them to behave and be polite. At restaurants, strangers would often stop by our table to tell us how nice our children were, sitting in quiet conversation, and eating properly. This was even when they were toddlers.
When we were on a cruise many years ago, I was in the ladies room after dinner washing the hands of our toddler and our infant. Another woman was there. Then my older daughter came out of the stall and I reminded her to wash her hands. Realizing that the girl must be with me, the woman looked up, startled, and asked if I had three children. I confirmed it, and she said, “You have my sympathy.” I was completely taken aback, and asked why; she just laughed as she left. Whatever.
Some years later, on another cruise with two teenagers, a pre-teen, a small child, and a toddler, I felt I could allow the older ones the run of the ship, and they often had the younger ones in tow. Within a few days, it seemed all the passengers recognized them, and knew whom they belonged to, and no one was ever given a reason to wish they weren’t there.
Jacqueline
It amazes me that many people seem to forget that they were young once, too. That they started life as a child. I think your children are very blessed and must give you much pleasure as ours do us. Thank you, Mary, for your comment. I thank God that you are intentional parents, and that our Lord can and does change hard hearts.
God bless your family, dear one!
Abbie
I have 4, 2 girls 2 boys all close in age (6,4,3,2) my favorite ? comment is.. “My you have your hands full”…. Thanks for reminding me, I hadn’t noticed…
Erin Veld
I am a big fan of your responses. I sound a lot like you, minus the look from my husband that says “be nice”. Yes I watch other people’s children. Yes I like children. Want to know how I do it, move out of my way and I will show you. Why are the children I have so well behaved because their parents taught them that was important and require that of them. Yes my hand are full. Yes I know I have to feed them all. Yes I know how many I have. Yes my suv can hold a lot of kids. Yes I can keep track of all of them. No there are not all mine, but try to hurt one of them, and you will hear from me just the same.
Jacqueline
Erin Veld, that is the general theme of most of the moms I knew growing up! Firm, determined, strong, usually gentle, and always resourceful. They would take time to help an child, but also required the child to help them~
It made for responsible children!! <3 Thanks for the great comment! ~J
Ashlea
I will have to mention I understand where you’re coming from. But there are always two sides to the story. Not everyone with a small amount of children hate kids or don’t want more. That’s a sad and demeaning statement. I grew up with 5 brothers. Very large family. My parents didn’t have time for us. We never got alone time with our parents, we never had one on one attention. We weren’t able to be helped financially through college. We knew our parents loved us but honestly in my opinion I wanted to change that stigma for my family I wanted to help them go to college and save up and learn to invest. J wanted to spend so much time with them.
I had my first son and adore him but the Lord allowed me to have cancer during my first. The toughest time in my life I’ve ever been through. Birth was induced and it was hard. It was awfuk. Worst 42 hours of my life. It’s take me almost four years to even consider another child and getting over labor. I am expecting again, but after this I’m done. My mental capacity is full. My husband is a pastor and life is very busy. I don’t want my children feeling like we are too busy for them because there are so many of them. Also, we do plan to adopt but some aren’t.
All this to say, you personally don’t know why people aren’t having kids. Obviously the world is going to give have a different perspective but honestly not all of them. Christians in general I would say would have a reason that they don’t want more than one or two children. Whose job is that to say that’s a quiver full?l of babies? I don’t think it’s yours and I don’t think it’s mine. It’s hurtful to say people with less than a certain amount of children just don’t like children anymore.
Alessia
It’s an old post that came to me via the Theology of Home newsletter. I’m getting married, at the start of my 30s so I don’t expect a big family (bar a miracle there are no chances I can start one straight away) but I feel really strongly about the quote from Andy Stanley in the image that comes along at the time. I have accomplished many things in my life so far, and I doubt I will ever stop working in one way or another, but I am really excited by the prospect of what I can do for my children if there will be any coming into my future. I have higher ambitions for these hypothetical children than I have for myself, and I don’t see why anyone would see it as reflecting badly on me as a high-achieving woman.
Jacqueline
Alessia, first, Congratulations! I am praying that the Lord will grant you children if it is His will, and that your love and understanding will be a precious and beautiful gift to them. I can tell you have much to give. The call of motherhood is a high calling indeed! Blessings, J
Sarah
This hit home right now. I am “secretly” 28 weeks pregnant with number 6 here on earth. I told a small handful of people and everyone has been negative about it. Not one of them has even called to check up on me or the pregnancy since they found out. My youngest 3 children are ecstatic about it which keeps me going. I wouldn’t change my family for anything. Everyone of them is a gift!
Jacqueline
Sarah!! I am super excited for you!
Praise God for this new little life, and may the dear Lord to bless you and your family richly in every way – especially emotionally and spiritually and health-wise! Things come and go, but relationships are eternal!
Hugs, ~J
Jeanne Schultz
Thank you for writing this beautifully article. I proudly say that my daughter who is the youngest of my 15 children is expecting her 4th baby. They are all beautiful and so well behaved and entertaining. I hate to think that people would make such hurtful comments to her. I heard them in my day. But I dont seek the approval of people. I seek the approval of God and am very humbled that HE would entrust so many of His precious souls to my care.
Jacqueline
Jeanne, your daughter and grandchildren are blessed to have you! Thank you for supporting them so beautifully and well!
Abundant blessings, ~J
James Dennis
Susan, an excellent post! My wife and we’re both 30 when we were married (first time each! Yes it can be done!). God blessed us with a boy and girl in our 30’s and we elected to limit our number to 2. Yes we sacrificed to raise them, but anything was worth the ensuing joy! They are both grown now and we’ve been blessed with grand kids from one and the other is finishing her masters and following our example to delay marriage. Overall? God’s plan has paid multiple dividends!
Jacqueline
Thank you, James for your comment! I will tell Susan ans she does not regularly check into the comments!
It is great to hear that you are blessed and strong in marriage and passing that along to your children.
God bless you all! ~J
K
You forgot about abortion.
So many people have bought into the lie that it’s okay for a mother to dispose of her child, and that turns children into a commodity rather than the blessed gift they are.
We have ten kids. My favorite response to: “Do you know what causes that?” Is “Yes, and we’re very good at it.”
My favorite response to: “Y’all need a TV!” Is “If you think TV is better than sex, you’re doing something wrong.”
Shuts them down every time, and I can still keep smiling. 😀
Ruth
We raised 4 sons. We sacrificed. We trained. We prayed…a lot! Even when it looks like we may have “failed” with one (or more) of our boys, I recall that God works things out in HIS time…not mine. My favorite answer for “why do you have four kids?” Is…because we did ‘t want five! 🤓 Loved the post.
Jacqueline
Ruth, I love your answer! Haha No, I am sure the Lord has used all your gifts and your failing to His glory as you sought him for wisdom! He is able!
God bless you, Mama! ~J
Jacqueline Love
Hello Jacqueline,
I wanted to say your post was so true and right on. I am 68 years old now and home schooled all seven of my children through high school. I am now teaching some my grand children. We adopted 5 of our children at young ages and have faced so much unwanted advice about having a large family over the years, Several of our children have special needs…wait all of our children have their own needs and are special. Oh, I forgot to say my name is Jacqueline also.
Thank you for the outreach you have to other families,
God bless,
Jacqueline
Jacqueline
Hi, Jacqueline! I love your name 😀
I also love that you have poured your love and God-given skills into your 7 and now into your grands! What a blessing you must be to them all – and to you!! You mention that you have special needs children and that they are indeed special. I work with special needs and they are precious to me! I miss seeing them during this difficult time when we are not allowed to have church!
God bless you all! ~J
Tracy
Love this article. We have 9 children 3 of whom are married. Out of just those three we have 11 grandchildren and one coming in January. WE LOVE CHILDREN !!! And yes we have heard all of these questions many, many times. Most people we know don’t even bother asking them anymore 🤣 I guess they think if we don’t ask they won’t have anymore. Our response now when asked are yall having any more is,” if God sends them we will take them, we do our part and it’s up to Him to do the rest”. 😉😁.
Jacqueline
Tracy, I love that reply! Yes, we LOVE children, too!!
Thank you for sharing about your family!
God bless you all,
Jacque
Laurel
I have seen children. One in the grocery store I was asked the question ” You know what causes that right?” I replied, “Yep, and I enjoyed every minute” That shut him up!
Jacqueline
Oh, Haha!!!! Laurel, you are wonderful! I wish I could have seen his face 😀 Thanks for sharing!!