
Victoria Prooday, OT finds today’s kids come to school emotionally unavailable for learning. There are many factors in our modern lifestyle that contribute to this.
She writes:
I am an occupational therapist with years of experience working with children, parents, and teachers. I completely agree with this teacher’s message that our children are getting worse and worse in many aspects. I hear the same consistent message from every teacher I meet. Clearly, throughout my time as an Occupational Therapist, I have seen and continue to see a decline in kids’ social, emotional, and academic functioning, as well as a sharp increase in learning disabilities and other diagnoses.

As we know, the brain is malleable. Through environment, we can make the brain “stronger” or make it “weaker”. I truly believe that, despite all our greatest intentions, we unfortunately remold our children’s brains in the wrong direction. Here is why:
1. Technology
Using technology as a “Free babysitting service” is, in fact, not free at all. The payment is waiting for you just around the corner. We pay with our kids’ nervous systems, with their attention, and with their ability for delayed gratification. Compared to virtual reality, everyday life is boring.
When kids come to the classroom, they are exposed to human voices and adequate visual stimulation as opposed to being bombarded with the graphic explosions and special effects that they are used to seeing on the screens.
After hours of virtual reality, processing information in a classroom becomes increasingly challenging for our kids because their brains are getting used to the high levels of stimulation that videos and games provide.
The inability to process lower levels of stimulation leaves kids vulnerable to academic challenges. Technology also disconnects us emotionally from our children and our families.
Parental emotional availability is the main nutrient for a child’s brain. Unfortunately, we are gradually depriving our children of that nutrient.

2. Kids Get Everything The Moment They Want It
“I am Hungry!!” “In a sec I will stop at the drive thru” “I am Thirsty!” “Here is a vending machine.” “I am bored!” “Use my phone!”
The ability to delay gratification is one of the key factors for future success. We have the best intentions – to make our children happy – but unfortunately, we make them happy at the moment but miserable in the long term.
To be able to delay gratification means to be able to function under stress. Our children are gradually becoming less equipped to deal with even minor stressors, which eventually become huge obstacles to their success in life.
The inability to delay gratification is often seen in classrooms, malls, restaurants, and toy stores the moment the child hears “No” because parents have taught their child’s brain to get what it wants right away.
3. Kids Rule The World
“My son doesn’t like vegetables.” “She doesn’t like going to bed early.” “He doesn’t like to eat breakfast.” “She doesn’t like toys, but she is very good at her iPad” “He doesn’t want to get dressed on his own.” “She is too lazy to eat on her own.”
This is what I hear from parents all the time. Since when do children dictate to us how to parent them? If we leave it all up to them, all they are going to do is eat macaroni and cheese and bagels with cream cheese, watch TV, play on their tablets, and never go to bed.
What good are we doing them by giving them what they WANT when we know that it is not GOOD for them? Without proper nutrition and a good night’s sleep, our kids come to school irritable, anxious, and inattentive. In addition, we send them the wrong message.
They learn they can do what they want and not do what they don’t want. The concept of “need to do” is absent. Unfortunately, in order to achieve our goals in our lives, we have to do what’s necessary, which may not always be what we want to do. For example, if a child wants to be an A student, he needs to study hard. If he wants to be a successful soccer player, he needs to practice every day. Our children know very well what they want, but have a very hard time doing what is necessary to achieve that goal. This results in unattainable goals and leaves the kids disappointed.
4. Endless Fun
We have created an artificial fun world for our children. There are no dull moments. The moment it becomes quiet, we run to entertain them again, because otherwise, we feel that we are not doing our parenting duty.
We live in two separate worlds. They have their “fun“ world, and we have our “work” world. Why aren’t children helping us in the kitchen or with laundry? Why don’t they tidy up their toys?
This is basic monotonous work that trains the brain to be workable and function under “boredom,” which is the same “muscle” that is required to be eventually teachable at school. When they come to school and it is time for handwriting their answer is “I can’t. It is too hard. Too boring.” Why? Because the workable “muscle” is not getting trained through endless fun.
It gets trained through work.
5. Limited Social Interaction
We are all busy, so we give our kids digital gadgets and make them “busy” too. Kids used to play outside, where, in unstructured natural environments, they learned and practiced their social skills.
Unfortunately, technology replaced the outdoor time. Also, technology made the parents less available to socially interact with their kids. Obviously, our kids fall behind… the babysitting gadget is not equipped to help kids develop social skills. Most successful people have great social skills. This is the priority!
The brain is just like a muscle that is trainable and re-trainable. If you want your child to be able to bike, you teach him biking skills. If you want your child to be able to wait, you need to teach him patience. If you want your child to be able to socialize, you need to teach him social skills. The same applies to all the other skills. There is no difference!
Train the Brain
You can make a difference in your child’s life by training your child’s brain so that your child will successfully function on social, emotional, and academic levels. Here is how:
1. Limit technology, and re-connect with your kids emotionally
• Surprise them with flowers, share a smile, tickle them, put a love note in their backpack or under their pillow, surprise them by taking them out for lunch on a school day, dance together, crawl together, have pillow fights
• Have family dinners, board game nights (see the list of my favorite board games), go biking, go to outdoor walks with a flashlight in the evening
2. Train delayed gratification
• Make them wait!!! It is okay to have “I am bored“ time – this is the first step to creativity
• Gradually increase the waiting time between “I want” and “I get”
• Avoid technology use in cars and restaurants, and instead teach them waiting while talking and playing games
• Limit constant snacking
3. Don’t be afraid to set the limits. Kids need limits to grow happy and healthy!!
• Make a schedule for meal times, sleep times, technology time
• Think of what is GOOD for them- not what they WANT/DON’T WANT. They are going to thank you for that later on in life. Parenting is a hard job. You need to be creative to make them do what is good for them because, most of the time, that is the exact opposite of what they want.
• Kids need breakfast and nutritious food. They need to spend time outdoor and go to bed at a consistent time in order to come to school available for learning the next day!
• Convert things that they don’t like doing/trying into fun, emotionally stimulating games
4. Teach your child to do monotonous work from early years as it is the foundation for future “work-ability”
• Folding laundry, tidying up toys, hanging clothes, unpacking groceries, setting the table, making lunch, unpacking their lunch box, making their bed
• Be creative. Initially make it stimulating and fun so that their brain associates it with something positive.
5. Teach social skills
• Teach them turn taking, sharing, losing/winning, compromising, complimenting others, using “please and thank you”
From my experience as an occupational therapist, children change the moment parents change their perspective on parenting. Help your kids succeed in life by training and strengthening their brain sooner rather than later!

Victoria holds a Master of Science in Occupational Therapy from the Medical School at University of Toronto and a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology and Health Science from York University. She is founder and director of a multidisciplinary clinic in Toronto, Canada, for children with behavioral, social, emotional and academic challenges. Victoria, along with her team, has helped hundreds of families across Canada and around the world and is a frequent guest speaker to teachers, parents and professionals.
Shared with Victoria’s written permission.
“Our children don’t need us to be perfect (thankfully!). They just need us to be faithful. And God can take that simple faithfulness and turn it into something wonderful in due time.” ~Jonathan Lewis
“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” ~Galatians 6:9
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Charlotte Moore
This is so true. I worked in the school system for almost 25 years. It keeps getting worse with behavioral problems and BORED kids. All they want to do these days are video games.
Jacqueline
Ooh, so sad, Charlotte! You should know and it happened even with many wonderful, dedicated teachers like you! Thank you for your service and care!
Blessings! J
Glenn Lego
What is your opinion of the Baby First TV Channel. An educational tv station for little kids birth to 5 years old? We have a 4 year old granddaughter we take care of days while her parents work. We’ve exposed her to Baby First since she was a baby. She has learned quite a lot from it. We watch it with her and attempt to discuss what is being shown. We also have some toys and playthings in our house for her. It’s weird but often times if she gets a toy she will prefer to play with the box that the toy came it!
Jacqueline
Glenn Lego, I have not watched, but I do know one thing! A dear friend cut her kid’s eye teeth on babies videos several hours a day, at least! …today those kids do not like to read and are totally addicted to their devices and have terrible attachment to their parents and are aloof from friends. These kiddos needed to learn appropriate relational skills first, and they were replaced with going to bed with a video. They are also difficult now to get to go to sleep. That is just one such experience I know of…
Dalia 51 years old
Good moUrning!!!!
And NO It is not a typing mistake.
My mother used to calculate mentally. I used calculator ?.
Her generation learned calligraphy my younger son types.
Until technology is relied on heavily in education, students will be more and more bored.
The reason as nailed in this article “stimulus”.
Speed and amount of stimuli from a machine can never be achieved by human’s verbal speech.
Also tablets, as they call it in this article or the more general word used now “screens” are Interactive.
I click a button there is an immediate reaction.
In psychology we learned that the faster a reaction to a behavior the stronger it reinforces that behavior either positively or negatively.
This was used in games while I play I build a score -gratification- but after 3 trials “GAME OVER”.
We cannot reverse the growth of technology nor keep up with its development.
Unless education gets a similar revolution in media used to deliver what this generation of students NEEDS to learn, Not “what” NOR “how” our generation learned, IMHO we will weep not just mourn.
John Cotter
Dalia, In my opinion, the point of the article is the opposite of the point you are making! If we use your logic, it’s the “tail wagging the dog.” I taught elementary school in California for 39 years. I embraced technology when our district funded an iPad for each student, kindergarten-6th grade. I great shift began with textbooks becoming obsolete. Unfortunately, many decisions in education in the U.S. are made in terms of cost-cutting, with some consideration of what might help kids learn more, but the major factor is cost-cutting. It costs literally millions of dollars to adopt new textbooks in just one subject area. It costs millions to bring iPads to all students as well, but updates to content are a matter of updates to software, not another adoption of textbooks costing more millions seven years later. So it can actually be cheaper to deliver instruction with “screens” rather than texts. However, what are the long-term effects of such a shift in instruction. The article lists these effects clearly. Kids are dictating what and how they will agree to interact with educators in order to get an education. That’s not the way it was or is now intended. Kids propensity for instant gratification has been learned and can be unlearned. While we adults are the blame for this misfortune. I believe the article is a wake up call to adults to be more insightful about how we are living our lives and to be more mindful of what we are teaching our kids. Balance is the key here. There is nothing wrong with technology, but it is a TOOL, not a way of being in the world. That is what we have lost track of and what the article is reminding us to consider, that as a society we are out of balance! Is this a simple fix, NO! It will take work but the first step is insight. Then as adults, we have decisions to make about how much we use and are consumed by technology and how we monitor our kids. Schools that have promoted the use of “screens” as one-to-one devices for students have noticed several things. Among them are the following: Kids’ interest in learning increases because the learning is more interactive, can be updated through updates to software and their problem-solving skills generally increase. However, screen time has become an ADDICTION, with some kids opting to be in front of a virtual world instead of living in the REAL WORLD. Parents who want their kids to be outdoors being physical in some way, just playing and being kids are struggling with their children to get them to be more active. This problem is leading to more obesity among young children. So, once again, we as adults have work to do to create the balance needed to produce a generation of young people who are balanced enough to be contributors to our society as they move into positions of influence. Let’s think about the mindset of those working in assisted living homes for elder adults twenty years from now. To my mind, with the addictions to screens developing in young people, with the narcissistic world view they are developing, we who will be the residents of these homes are in for several shocks in terms of the care we might receive from those who are so consumed with checking their phones every few seconds.
Jacqueline
John, Your last sentence is chilling, but unfortunately, a probable reality! Thanks for the comment.
Momof6
Reading this to my six kids; all of it. Thanks for all the insight. We needed to hear it
Jacqueline
Haha, I LOVE that, Mom of 6!! I would love to have heard their thoughts and discussion! 😉 God bless you all abundantly ~J
John
Imagine this long-winded guy trying to explain something to students in real life! Hahaha! Glad you aren’t actually doing what you are talking about.!
Sojo
That shows his ability to think and to have a conversation…something most young people are not required to do and don’t know how to do.
Dave
Euthanasia will be considered in the future.
Cindy Tyree
Reading – such a simple word! It is, however, a marvelous and many-faceted process whereby readers interact with text to make ideas come alive inside their minds and provoke understanding. A personal thing, this reading is for every person, because each reader is unique and unquestionably, a promise of potentiality for our culture. I have worked for years with middle school students struggling to acquire understanding through written word. My heart has broken many times over all the outside forces which hinder my efforts to teach and their motivation to learn.
I am passionate with this message – Books are good! This is such a simple, declarative statement that I wish were both imperative and exclamatory! One of a baby’s first great manipulatives, a book delivers visual stimuli, promotes hand to eye coordination, promotes the recognition of symbols, and stimulates a young child’s cognitive development. As a parent or caregiver reads to a child, he understands context and makes meaning of the words and language used. Hearing, understanding, and then retelling, the little potential reader is hooked! Positive, driving motivation is intrinsic in this process, similar to the learning play of a toddler in the sense that it becomes fun to learn!
Regrettably, my lovely students in many ways were stymied in this process of learning, but I do not believe that technology did it. Used in proper fashion, technological tools help make lessons inspirational! Medical students, scientists, engineers, military strategists, and many other professionals realize the efficacy of technological tools. I share this link to a peer reviewed article.
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Craig_Anderson19/publication/251424046_A_Theoretical_Model_of_the_Effects_and_Consequences_of_Playing_Video_Games/links/580e7a4f08ae7525273d2826/A-Theoretical-Model-of-the-Effects-and-Consequences-of-Playing-Video-Games.pdf
From my experience with struggling students, I feel that students whose motivation has been stymied at an early age have less endurance in the learning process. Many say to me, “I can’t do this!” We need to help give the motivation back to them. Yes, we need engaging lessons! Yes, we need fun activities! And, yes, we need good books!
We should not compromise the development of our children by doing away with books. From the earliest age, children form their understanding of a book. Children are naturally receptive – they pick things up, investigate, taste, feel, smell, and interact with physical things. Books must be in the realm of a child’s perception of real things in order for the written word to seem important early on. We would do well not to compromise the natural discovery of books for a child.
Jacqueline
Yes, Cindy, I agree. I also take it one step further. When something is given to a child at a young age that prevents the time and personal involvement it takes to enjoy the process of slowly, incrementally learning to read and comprehend, it gives me pause (actually makes me shudder!). Technology too young or just a bit too much at the formational stages takes the desire for getting information FROM books and places it on a less engaging process…an easier (lazier) one and it also changes brain preference for slower more mentally involved to faster less personally involved. A child can go from a participant to a spectator. As you shared, there are so many factors. Thank you for sharing!
Ryan
Agree with this except for the obesity part. Obesity is a function of diet, not of inactivity.
Hank
It is a function of both including genetics.
CPeck
I agree. I raised my boys doing as much as I could of the things she wrote, and my oldest was still so bored at school. He said school was boring because there was never any real discussion, just memorization.
Jennifer Ware
Unfortunately, I think you hit on a whole other issue with education: the over-use of standardized testing. I’m an SLP in schools and parent of 2 teens and totally see it. Teachers (who teach a tested content area) are allowed very little freedom with lessons, group work and its myriad of issues, discussions, presenting differing opinions, those skills. I see a difference in instruction for content areas that are not tested, such as social studies, electives, vocational ed.
Isabel
But don’t worry too much what the children of today will be doing in old folks homes in the future, because, the Japaneese and others are putting all sorts of robotic pets and care givers into the care giving business. Life is constantly changing. For about two generations girls stopped playing with dolls….no wonder the nurturing mothers were not as many as in the case of there parents. I do believe that nurturing is the glue of a strong compassionate society. The village I grew up in in Scotland promised to nurture each new baby into the community. Wow what a simple philosophy
Ed
What a bunch of baloney
Jacqueline
Dear Ed! I am sorry you feel that way!
Josh
I know right I hate these people who judge young people for just adapting to the world they grew up in and there are so many of these annoying adults blaming everything from school stress to depression on technology all though without technology we would be nowhere near as advanced as we are now
So to all those annoying people like the person who posted it your bad parenting and lack of understanding is the reason depression in young people is on the rise
Ken
Ed,
Is that the best you can do? Anyone who spends time in schools or shares experiences with teachers can tell this information is not baloney. Open your mind and see if you can come up with something better.
Sarah
I agree that instead of teaching children abstract things like the dates of historic wars or how to work out the circumference of a circle or the angle of a triangle, we could teach them how to love and accept themselves, how to not get addicted to things, how to recover and heal, how to live your passions, and encourage them to be 100% themselves.
Instead our school system trains children to work 9-5 jobs under authority and unhappy because it’s expected, conventional, what has always been done etc.
Marika Mackey
Agree. Technology can be, but is not always the issue with kids in schools being disengaged. The whole concept of kids sitting on their bottoms in a classroom for 6 hours a day, learning outdated school curriculum and rote learning useless information is as big of an issue.
Jacqueline
Hi Marika,
This is Rebecca Jacqueline’s daughter. I’m helping her reply to messages since she’s recovering from a nasty case of the shingles. Mom would totally agree with you! Children should be learning hands-on, out in nature. Delight-centered learning! Have you ever read about Charlotte Mason? Her style of learning is so beautiful. Focuses on what make the children really delighted and building on that! I’d recommend looking it up. Blessings to you!
Andrea Russell
What is your opinion on the effects of using electronic technology in the classroom instead of hands on books? I would think it would result in the decline of cognitive development, and have read a bit about it, but I would like a professional’s input.
Lisa
As a parent and a teacher, I am concerned with the new studies concerning non-thermal biological effects of non-thermal radiation from WiFi devices, so I limit the use of unwired screentime for my kids. There are many studies that say the rf radiation from the devices can cause many behavioral problems as well. I also would like my children to live in the real world where they don’t have a dependence on devices in order to socialize or pacify them. I want them to know how to use them, but not rely on them if that makes sense.
Jacqueline
Lisa, I cannot agree more! I wrote this back a few years ago to alert parents to this concern: https://deeprootsathome.com/9-facts-about-wireless-your-childs-brain/
Thanks for thinking to add that thought!
Blessings!
Marija
yes! Very scary when thinking of all 900+ ipads turned on wifi simultaneously. Not even Apple representative could answer the question if they have ever thought of what health impact this would do. I am not even talking about the mental health and decline in social interaction capabilities, as stated in the article…
However, as someone mentioned, there is no way back as far as technology being in our lives for good, for better and for worse. 🙁
Karen Peery
This is my 20th year in the classroom and possibly my last. This is a battle that is exhausting and time consuming for teachers. The burden has been placed squarely on us to “engage” students. I believe in engaging meaningful work that is connected to the real world. However, the underlying message is that we should be doing a better job entertaining these children with more and more chromebooks in the classroom.
Jacqueline
I admire teachers, and those with a true teachers heart! Thank you for all the blood, sweat, and tears! J
Gary
Thank you very much. Your appreciation and support is truly appreciated. God bless and Happy New Year!
189576
And as a teacher we are expected to entertain. No memorization (it has become a dirty word), no intellectual “heavy lifting”.
Carl Evans
I teach people to drive and I’ve noticed in the last 5 years that the youth coming through can’t wipe their own bottoms these days everything has been done for them, they find it hard to make a decision and are slow to respond. They say things like “I better ask my parents” they lack basic skills its sad.
Jacqueline
Carl, It is sad..I’ve often noticed these deficits and feel that we are all being dumbed down by toxins so rampant in our environment. I work with special needs children and see it!! Vaccine toxins (injuries that are hard to pinpoint bc they are often delayed), prolonged fluoride intake in various ways, contaminated food supply (food dyes and synthetics such as aspartame), lac of outside play in the when young, developmental years, screen time instead of play when developing socially/physically, mothers that have been vaccinated and pass toxins on to their children (developing in a super contaminated womb) and on super contaminated breast milk or formula with synthetic toxins …and so much more!
Thank you for your observation, sir!
Wake Up
Its almost like the school system is boring. Maybe change your lesson plan to cater to the kids. Instead of insulting the video games, learn about them. I had plenty of teachers that knew about certain games that i played, and I listened way more to what they were teaching.
Mertil Fennessy
Morning
I get feedback from my teens that their teachers are on their phones and tablets.
Kids are given pages to read or workbooks while teachers watch Netflix or YouTube.
Sorry I know I come from a 3rd World Developing country, but this cannot be only in our country.
Principals are putting in cameras and dashboards to monitor teachers and map performance.
Born and living in SA.
Jacqueline
Mertil, I am so aggrieved by what is happening! We must learn spiritual warfare with the word of God! Stand firm! ~J
Marcus
I agree with this with regards to parenting, but this is about children getting ‘worse and worse’ and there isn’t even a suggestion that teachers or the curriculum they teach could have any impact on this trend at all. Some of the parents you talk about are also teachers, are they not?
When I went to school, the school’s motto was ‘Learn to Live’. My son is being taught, often blatantly, to think the world is some horribly unjust place and That he needs to fight for some kind of nonsense utopia. Is it really surprising, that we have hundreds of thousands of young adults, smashing up city centres around The world, whilst offending their grandparents and putting their lives at risk? Parents are absolutely to blame, but their teachers are too and If they refuse to accept any responsibility for the results/outcomes they achieve, how can they expect their students to be any different? Parents blame teachers and teachers blame parents. The result is a generation of confused, depressed, attention junkies, who believe they are oppressed by the unfair world they live. Teachers could really help, by getting our kids ready for the real world, instead of filling their heads with socialist utopia nonsense that turns them into the kind of idiot that are smashing up our war memorials. I am to blame as a parent, but teachers really aren’t helping.
Jacqueline
Amen!!!! Marcus, you put succinct words to this situation, and I believe you exactly nailed it!
Thank you! ~Jacqueline
Johanna
This is true, and I have taken it to heart. I’m a fan of Victoria Prooday and will translate some her articles to Spanish with her permission–very exciting to spread the word about her important finds!
Jacqueline
Yay! That will be great having it in Spanish, Johanna! I am sure she will give permission! 😀
Blessings, J
guinchos
Acho que é dentre o mais significativo informação para mim.
E sou que bom ler seu artigo. Mas quero observação na alguns
coisas em geral, o site estilo é perfeito ,
os artigos é realmente legal : D. bom trabalho, felicidades
SimplyMe
Wow!!! Thank you for this article. ?
Crystal Obregon
I completely agree with Victoria’s analysis. I would like to add that technology should also not be used as a babysitter in the classroom. I find it frustrating that technology is given such a high priority when these kids can learn the latest and greatest in an afternoon. By the way, I don’t blame the teachers, they’re doing what they are told to do.
Michele Ob...
Much more extreme example, and not meant to be harsh, just for discussion, the Germans were just doing what they were told to do as well during WW2. Not trying to poke, just saying anyone, everyone, we all can find a way to break the norm, speak up, seek a new path or way. When we give up our say, and just follow what are we teaching? Yes, some teachers are up against the system, but some also gather, unite and try to find ways to improve.
Completely agree to not blame the teachers(heroes in my book, some bad ones, but mostly a thankless job that deserves better support) – but also why blame the parents(tops the list of hardest jobs on the planet) or anyone for that matter – why not start a conversation about how we work together toward solutions.
Technology whether we like it not is going to become part of our lives like we have never known. Our relationships, our dinner tables, our classrooms. Some of this is going to be really hard to watch, and seem very dysfunctional and some of this will also be a way for people to experience life more free or open with the support of technology. Maybe for people hard of hearing or with limited sight. What we call technology or video games is not relevant, all of that is changing and evolving.
Sure, some will hold on to the less technology path, but I think on a larger scale that will not be as common. Once the teen and young adult generation get more into the world, in 5 – 10 years a lot more of their world will appear and be what they feel more comfortable with. Not saying I like it that way, just saying hard to see not finding how to make it work as the way to try to address it.
And we are all so quick to judge other kids(not saying you, just a general comment), and other parents – their style is different or choices are different in how they raise their kids. I personally hate seeing kids at a restaurant in front of a screen with people or adults there, and what appears to be a lack of interaction or simple verbal communication, or enjoying of a meal. Sitting still for a hour, engaging. I also try to think about how their might be a reason behind their choices, what ever it is. I also think who am I to say that their way is wrong and mine is right. All tough challenges as technology becomes more woven into our lives. Let’s ask, let’s talk with other people, hear their stories before assuming we know the way or comment their way is not the way. (Again not meant to be a comment toward what you said, just commenting/contributing to a pretty interesting flow of conversation in this blog).
: )
Aida
Some teachers don’t! I am surprised to see that year after year teachers are giving less and less homework to kids. This leads to too much free time and kids eventually do get bored, even when parents get creative with non-technological or keep busy list of things to do. My husband and I strive to keep our kids busy with reading, researching things our kids ask rather than providing with answers and encourage them to go out and play and sign them up for various extracurricular activities and sports. However, there are days that I run out of options and I give in.
Billie
Why blame the parents? (Your words). Because parents raise children. Coming from a parent and teacher.
Jessica
Teachers are being told in many districts, based on grades, NOT to assign homework. This of course allows for family time or extra-curricular activities that the parents may, or may not, choose to engage their children in. This level of thinkinbfis so very unfortunate especially in areas where many parents work shift work and can’t get a child to regular extra-curricular, can’t afford other activities, or alternatively just doesn’t want as it’s not seen as a priority for whatever reason in their works. Those children are left to computers, I-pads, phones, Netflix, and gaming (because miraculously, money can be found for those items and fast food/packaged foods!) until teachers can get patents on board, we are often fighting a losing a battle.
Karen Moran
Exactly!! I have been a teacher for 30 years. We have a principal that wants everything to be online. Parents are given an option to have paper copies of things but he wants us to “discourage” them from getting a paper copy. They should do it all electronically. Drives me crazy as I see the zombies we are creating.
Jacqueline
Karen, this is breaking my heart.. I have heard this spoken over and over this week in emails and here.
We can pray that hearts will be open to this message and that changes would occur!
Parenting is about progress, not perfection, I think.
Thank you for sharing!
Bonnie Gray
It makes me so sad when I’m at a traffic signal and look around: all the moms are talking on their cell phones and the kids are in the back seat with iPads, tablets, etc. What a perfect opportunity these parents are missing to talk to their children. Unlike most of the day, you could have their undivided attention.
Jennifer Dane
This is so true! I’ve been saying this for quite awhile. While I am not a parent, I see the “negative” affects at work. I am a Respiratory Therapist and I hear children talking back to their parents, throwing a tantrum because they can’t get what they want, etc. It is sad and I wonder how they will be able to function in the world? Be able to communicate with others without texting; even when sitting next to each other? Accept that they have to start at the bottom when entering the workforce and work their way up? I could go on and on! I hope and pray that parents/guardians will pick up onto this sooner, rather than later.
Lynne
They often feel free to talk back to their teachers too. Some kids aren’t taught patience and respect for others which transfers to the classroom. Try correcting these kids and you hear from the parents. Is there any wonder bullying is increasing?
There needs to be a partnership between teachers, parents, and schools. Socialization should occur when they are young and kindergarten needs to go back to the time where kids learn how to play and interact with one another.
VAL & Rich
Any article that starts off with blame-shifting ALL responsibility to parents; is written by an OT specialist that is hired by the school board; and refers to quote on quote “ I completely agree with this teacher’s message that our children are getting worse and worse in many aspects…” is disturbing and sad.
Anyone that’s has met, me, my husband and our boys, knows how proactive we are and how much work we’ve put in to helping our 3 boys with challenges. Sadly, this article is extremely offensive to all of us. Now is about the time you may say “but hey you’re the minority”, well when comments are made that children are worse and worse, unfortunately we are not. Why, that’s because we as a collective society have set up our children for this failure.
It is sad to see that this Canadian article is written to support teachers, OTs and our school system. What about the parents? Most importantly, what about the children that struggle with challenges? Has any research been conducted with them prior to writing it? After all, our children spend more time at school than they do at home.
Instead of shifting all responsibility to parents…. Why can’t we learn to listen and adapt? After all, our children are OUR future. I know as parents of three boys with challenges, me and my husband work hard daily to try and find alternative ways to make them feel comfortable, important and able to succeed. What are the school boards, teachers and OT’s doing, besides pushing it all back onto parents?
I’m tired (but never surprised) to see articles of this nature. Until we as a collective society start taking responsibilities for our own faults and try to make changes for the better, all children are doomed.
However, we as parents will never give up!
“Fighting for our children’s future”
Val & Rich
https://www.facebook.com/stirredup.co/videos/216291342109786/?hc_ref=ARTqzSK1tQYF87qByLlC68XvW06FsM7uVQuurtRCkkd_tPpkF9Mqq3tTxRqa496K958&pnref=story
Joe Wilson
I had a similar feeling like yours after first reading the article, but chose to not read into it. Sure it sounds like parents are to blame. In some ways the article can server as a wake up call for parents and teachers.
When you say challenges referring to your kids, not sure what you mean, but as a parent of two special needs kids I have had great success and learned a lot by having a dialogue with people – at the school, my kids, other parents. Being an advocate – while partnering, striving for change.
Share your story maybe, what challenges did your family face or currently face that could be better served and may not be currently understood or appreciated. Your experiences and voice might be heard here and be the start of a new beginnging.
Austin
I read the response from Val and Rich twice and I do not get it. I don’t know if I agree with parts of it or not because it is all over the place and it almost sounds like you agree with most of the article and do not realize it. “Fighting for our children’s future” … that is the point of the article. “Instead of shifting all responsibilities to parents” … confused – if it isn’t the parent’s responsibility to raise their children, then who should be taking on the responsibility? “Until we collectively as a society start taking responsibilities for our own faults…all children are doomed.” Yep… pretty sure that this article is addressing this. Until we start taking responsibility for the way we raise our children and quit appeasing them to accommodate ourselves, they are doomed. Again, it sounds like you agree with the article.
As the parent of an autistic child, I agree with this article. My son’s challenges are difficult and I will admit that sometimes it is easy to offer him an electronic or help him with something he can do himself (helping him put on his shirt, finding his shoes for him, giving him what he wants the second he wants it to avoid a meltdown, etc.) but that is simply laziness on my part and does not help nurture a child that will someday grow into a man that has to provide for himself or take on daily responsibilities. It does him no favors to accommodate him to such an extent that he cannot function in a world that will not always do everything for him. You said, “I know as parents of three boys with challenges, me and my husband work hard daily to try and find alternative ways to make them feel comfortable, important and able to succeed.” That is nice and all, but what happens when they enter the real world and expect their bosses to make them feel comfortable, important and able to succeed? What happens when they are expected to enter society and carry their own wait, you are not around to step in, and their employers care about a bottom line and not your child’s ability to succeed? Answer: They fail and get upset because the real world is not interested in revolving around them and making sure they are “comfortable”.
Now, for all I know your children are severely handicapped or disabled in such a way that prevents them from functioning in society on their own in any capacity. If that is the case, your point is completely valid, but you are exerting your opinion on an article that does not apply to you. An article like this cannot be all encompassing and cover every one-off circumstance. It does, however, make valid points regarding the bulk of society and parents that lean towards convenience to the detriment of their children. This is a good article that makes many valid points and challenges me in the way I raise my children.
Jack White
Hi Austin, parenting a special needs child can require so much more from us. I have two. It’s so helpful to hear strategies from parents with special needs kids. I would not give yourself a hard time for anything, nobody is perfect, and if technology helps you or your child get through the day so be it. I have found technology can greatly help kids (sometimes) with special needs. On a side note, I recently watched and recommend a movie about a person that has made great progress with their special needs. Look up Temple Grandin, very inspiring. Shows how someone with autism can progress and be a part of the world, and do some pretty amazing things.
Jacqueline
I love the Temple Grandin story, too! God bless you and your family, Jack!
Anita DeYoung
Austin: Thank you for your excellent comment! I read the “Val and Rich” comment twice also and was seriously questioning my comprehension skills. It rambles all over the place and I never really got what they were trying to say. Your reply is exactly what I was thinking. The problem that I encountered as a teacher seems to be still there. Parents (and I am one) seem to forget that their children are theirs for all of their lives. When teachers are finished doing the job that they are assigned, the person (child) that they have raised is still theirs. If they don’t like the responsiblilty, that’s a shame because that is what you sign up for when you have a baby. When these soon-to-be-adults find themselves in the real workplace, the meltdowns and “safe spaces” go away. We will have an overwhelming number of socially paralized ‘snowflakes’ to take care of.
Jessica
I think it’s important to note from the teacher perspective too on special needs students in the classroom. Teachers are faced with larger classroom number less support. Depending on your demographics (make up of students) you might have 23 students, of which, 17 are English language learners (so approx 8 pages of paperwork per child per reporting period in addition to the normal report cards. Not mention teacher created materials to help modify the curriculum to provide for them needing to understand based on their language understanding levels). Throw into the mix 1 autistic child- one child whom is a medicated ADHD, and 3 whom you suspect based on the fact they can’t sit still for longer than 2 minutes and can’t write 3 sentences off the board as their agenda message in 10 minutes and are only able to get maybe 4 words down despite reminding them 3 times. Now let’s look at those with actual diagnosed learning disabilities, there may be only 2 of those in your room which you need to modify your programming for or provide additional help to each subject. For example in grade 3 they can not read nor write so you must scribe (read/write) all work FOR them. Add in those that you have flagged that may need additional help because mom and dad were to busy last night, were at work, they don’t understand the materials themselves, or they are from another country and their English is even more limited then the child’s.
Teachers do their best (most), we are very encouraged when we have engaged parents. Those who regularly work with their children, read with them, have conversations, as much as they can – you can see the difference in the classroom. It is very discouraging when teachers have work double hard for those that don’t have that parental support at home- and unfortunately that is becoming the norm as parents can find it easier to provide screen time while they themselves might ‘catch up on FB news’ or see who’s tweeted what, or have that drawn out text convo while you eagerly await the other persons reply. As a parent, an I guilty? Absolutely. However, my kids are a bit older and we do balance it and always have with chores, homework first (whether we created it or a teacher), outside play time, and limited screen time.
It’s a tough world out there but we MUST work together to have our children succeed- talk to your children’s teacher, be willing to ask AND truly hear what the needs of your child are. Many teachers are reluctant to say ‘little Johnny is reading below grade level” because of the adverse reaction of parents. Try asking what are typical books kids are reading at this grade level, can my precious Johnny read those with comprehension? No? What can I do to help at home…
Open the communication doors, it will take time and effort to rebuild what will be a team effort and the feeling of blame (on both sides) is shifted to the idea of teamwork!
Lena
As a parent, teacher and tutoring company coowner i agree with the article 100%.
There is a lot of expectation of teachers to take on parenting responsibilities because parents simply have no time or dont have the consistency to follow important things through.
I struggle with my two kids. But having seen the shitty and downright rude and insolent kids who a riddled with ADHD,ODD,ASD,anxiety and many many more “issues” i am even more determined to train my two to become resilient, independant, grateful and motivated members of society.
We have had a few situations where we have had to call clients to cancel their in home tutoring service because their child has thrown books at the tutor right in front of the parent, numerous times and the parent has reacted with “oh she can be a bit difficult cant she” and given the tutor a weak smile.
The tutor was a qualified teacher with 25 years experience and great behaviour managment skills. She did speak up and handle the situation but was horrified at the reaction or lack of reaction from the parent when their child behaved in such a disgraceful way.
This is one of many similar cases we have lately. Many of the parents that call up want the service because they dont time to sit with their kids. These are very educated and capable people who simply dont have the time themselves to dedicate to their childrens education.
I remember as a child the agruments i had with both my parents as they tried to help me with home work and exta homework i got at school. But i am infinantly grateful for the effort and time they put in, despite being immigrant patents who worked full time, had all the stresses of restarting from scratch in a new country and had to learn English.
Homework wasnt questionable and had to be done. By me.
I had to give up recreational activities if i wasn’t managing the school work. These days the focus is on kids activities like dancing and sports (which is good) but agian i feel like it’s been taken too far!
I hate that this article had to be written and i hate even more that this article is true!
People who do not work in schools and think the sun shines out of their kids ass need to wake up.
We need to up the standard of how kids act and not be so scared of giving them anxiety because like the article mentioned – it will be much worse if not dealt with early.
It’s been a long battle between teachers and parents. I draw the line at leave the teachers to do the subject/content teaching and the parents can deal with the rest. After all – you chose to have the kids. Be responsible for them and thier actions.
Zoe
I totally agree with you Val & Rich and am tired of these types of articles which quite frankly feel like parent bashing. I also have 3 boys with learning disabilities so because of this, they spend ALL DAY LONG at school delaying gratification. They are enduring a school system that doesn’t cater to their learning needs and count the minutes till they can get out each day. They are smart, articulate, thoughtful, creative kids who excel in their areas of strength but struggle hard at school. I let them use screens when they need downtime (within limits of course) and this is something they love and develop problem solving and strategy skills from. Once you have walked in my shoes then you can make judgements about how much technology they should consume.
I do agree however,hat kids need lots of creative, unstructured play – they often need time to be bored before coming up with cool ideas. I don’t believe screen-time is the enemy and I don’t believe that kids like mine are not practicing delayed gratification.
Parenting these days is very challenging, people are living ontop of each other without the freedom to roam the streets like we had, fast paced living, and very little support etc etc I think parents are more engaged than ever in their children’s emotional wellbeing, dads are often more involved than in the past. We are proactive in looking into difficulties they are having and we sometimes hand them a screen in a restaurant or an aeroplane because we need a break and auntie doesn’t live down the road anymore. Parents should be supported and congratulated for doing a fabulous job in an increasingly stressful, digital and often isolated environment.
Caroline Chavasse
Agree ^^^^
MaryAnn
Just for the record. Students spend about 1000 hours in school. There is 8,760 hours in a year. I agree with this article. I am a teacher, have three sons, and our industry has changed to match what is happening in our communities. We are required to use technology in our classrooms and I remember when as a teacher we had discretion to have an extra recess or extra “PE” time, but since the emphasis of standardized testing, it has put a halt. So, it is not a matter of teacher vs. parent. It is a struggle for all who service children and those who raise them. I never interpreted this article as blame shifting to parents. I am sure there are research based articles that point out the correlation to social emotional development of children and the influence of parents. I believe that is what is being pointed out and also, it’s based on the average, which data and research normally is. All parents are on journeys with their children and for myself, it is filled with ebbs and flows like the rest.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2973328/
https://my.vanderbilt.edu/developmentalpsychologyblog/2014/05/parental-influence-on-the-emotional-development-of-children/
Sandra
I take offense from the parents of children with mental disabilities that use that to excuse their parenting logic. I grew up with both of my brother on both extreme ends of the autism spectrum. ALL children can benefit from the observations mentioned in this article, and if you are a parent that is concerned for your child’s future then you need to listen and take in what others have witnessed. If the average child has these problems just imagine a child that must struggle more just to keep up. The teacher are limited on what they can do for our children thanks to a handful of parents and society that are only aimed to push them through to graduate. The “no child left behind” was a complete failure, taking away recesses, cutting back on gym class and music, taking away disciplinary programs, cutting back on after school functions like school plays, are all examples of decisions that parents let happen and did not fight back for. Being a parent is a choice and is a job. Some people are good at it some are not, but if you truly are willing to learn to be better work with the teachers, they know your children well enough to tell you what is on their end so you can do your part on your end. Find out how much screen time is at school, you may not need any at all at home. If you are busy have them help you. There are ways to slip in interaction with them. They can do more than you think. Do not coddle them, let them do some adult things and it will more than keep their interest (ex. cook, clean, hand you tools in garage while working on something, lawn care like raking and pulling weeds, water plants, help put away bills, be creative! they will also feel important helping you in the end.) I wish everyone good luck and always keep an open mind and try things.
Craig Castner
Huh?
S
I completely agree with the 1st sentence of your comment.
Debbie
Great insight!!!!
Cindes
I do see the value in what you are sharing. However, being a parent I understand that sometimes it’s just impossible to be perfect- or, anywhere near it. I never realized this fact until I became a parent. I was floored!? Prior to bevoming a parent, I gave advice to young moms that were struggling with their parenting. I now know that I was unfit to give them advice because my university education did knot teach me the whole story. Thanks.
Jacqueline
Cindes, I sooo agree! I still feel so inadequate to give advice b/c of having missed it so many time, but we can give encouragement and illumination (shedding light on truth) as Victoria Prooday does here in this post!
We just keep plugging away and doing the best we can… God has the rest when we trust in HIM!
Cindes
Thanks
Nunya
vaccines also contribute to Add/ADHD and Autism by putting heavy metals in their bodies.
MW
No, vaccines don’t. Don’t share debunked information as though it were true.
Jacqueline
MW, I am not sure why Nunya made the comment, but you might want to consider this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-kirby/autism-vaccine-_b_817879.html
Anita DeYoung
Thank you MW!!
Kelly Major
I am a scientist…VACCINATION DOES NOT CONTRIBUTE TO AUTISM, ADHD OR OTHER LEARNING DISSABILITIES. The physician who made these claims falsified (made up) his data and, consequently, was stripped of his license to practice medicine. The supposed link between vaccination and childhood disorders is COMPLETELY FALSE – pseudoscience. People who continue to promote this falsehood are directly responsible for recent outbreaks of measles, whooping cough, and polio!! Get your kids vaccinated or keep them in isolation!!
Jacqueline
Dear Kelly,
I am not sure why Nunya made the comment, however, I have a comment myself.
There are true scientists on both sides of this issue, but the almighty dollar rules currently. To claim you are a scientist (and imply you know everything) and that it is all pseudoscience is disingenuous, at best! Read up, my friend: http://www.nvic.org/Doctors-Corner/Aluminum-and-Vaccine-Ingredients.aspx
I do not discount thousands and thousands of intelligent and caring parents testimonies that their child was bright and interested and regressed shortly after receiving multiple vaccines: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-kirby/autism-vaccine-_b_817879.html
I am one of the skeptical parents and am sooo thankful we chose for ourselves instead of being bullied by people who use all caps to shout their opinion!
Karen
Well said, and I agree. We nearly lost our second child from an a delayed reaction to the DPT vaccination. Weeks later, her brother 1 yr older, received his MMR shot. She ended up with the measles and extremely sick. For our third child, we rejected the vaccination and had to sign papers at the doctors office, stating why. Having reactions like we did without kids was alarming as new parents. We delayed giving them vaccinations until they were older, in Jr. High and wanted to go on a mission trip. The countries they were gong to go to had certain vaccines they had to have in order to go, so that when they received any vaccines, still not all at the same time.
This is still what I call a hot topic, but I believe that we as parents should be making\ our own decisions for our family, not demanded to by any school, or government regulation.
Joe Wilson
Not wanting to get into the hot part of this topic, but mostly curious – from the above post are you saying be informed or caution when getting vaccinated?
Some vaccinations good sone not?
No expert, but sure think the world without something like polio or small pox – I think in retreat approaching eradication is due to wide spread advances in vaccinations.
That said, who knows what harm could come from over (if such a thing) vaccinating. While I’ve not read up on this – I’m sure lots of people have had some bad outcomes unfortunately which may be due or linked to a vaccination. No laughing matter at all.
On the whole though the use of vaccinations over the years seems to be beneficial – as in the case of several diseases being very well contained or almost eliminated.
Is it the choice or being told or mandated that is the focus in this thread?
Respect all the views and perspectives – keeping an open mind.
M
There are no heavy metals in vaccines. There is a wealth of scientific evidence that disproves vaccines causing any of these conditions.
Jacqueline
Dear M.,
You need to read up, my friend! http://www.nvic.org/Doctors-Corner/Aluminum-and-Vaccine-Ingredients.aspx
Nikole
Stop with the vaccines. If we didn’t vaccinate our child population would not be what it is. I’ve had enough of your comments on this tread.
Kerri
You cannot put highly dangerous toxins into the brains of children and expect them to learn. Their brains are being clearly damaged by these and it continues from birth to 12th grade! These are now coming from China! Thanks to Senator Pan Ca. 72 injections now from K-12. They have more in the pipeline. Its unthinkable what all these adjuvants do to a brain. Thanks to Polysorbate 80 it opens the blood brain barrier to allow thimerosol(mercury)
Formaldehyde
Aluminum
Human fetal DNA
MSG
Egg protein
MSG
To name a few….
Why do we need any of these and especially why in the brain???
Jacqueline
Kerri, there are a lot of us upset by jut what you said there! I am emailing you with more information! ~J
irannavy.vcp.ir
I read this article completely on the topic of the difference
of most recent and earlier technologies, it’s
awesome article.
Cat
When I adopted my first child, I did not have a television. I was the marvel of the neighbors – I read in the evening or volunteered. My neighbor said, “now are you getting a TV? You can’t raise a child without a TV.” My response was, “we’ll find out.” And we did. We read books together, I quit my volunteer work unless my child could go along. And we visited Grandma almost daily. Fast forward, three more children arrived home and all grew up without TV or electronics. I bought very few duplicates of anything besides bicycles and sidewalk scooters. They learned balance on the scooters and rode bikes together. They made fun. They all did chores. And they all learned to read and read for fun, enjoyed school and went on to win scholarships for college.
I can’t say enough good about eliminating electronics – TVs, computers, smart phones – from children’s lives. They will pick those electronic skills up rapidly in school. When they are young tykes, they need to learn a schedule, play outdoors, get along, do age appropriate chores and learn to be a loving, kind kid!
Jacqueline
I love your story, Cat! Sounds much like ours 😀 And we all survived and thrived!!
Teresa
So glad I stumbled onto your blog…I love your testimony and have also experienced the grace and mercy of God in my life in spite of some of the horrible choices I have made when I was younger…I loved what you wrote about older women mentoring younger women and it is also something the Lord has laid on my heart…In response to this article… very informative…I’ll share a little of what we have seen…I had a child later when I was 40, so there is 19 years between him and my oldest daughter…and 8 years between him and my youngest daughter and he has two other sisters in between…How things have changed between him and my oldest..We have a small place in the country in Kentucky with a few acres..We have always limited video games, technology etc..According to John he was the only kid in 8th grade without his own phone..lol..He has a basketball court in the barn, he does archery and target shooting and helps mow and weedeat our five acres…He has not made a lot of real friends and he told us his friends don’t like to come over because he doesn’t have a lot of the popular video games so many kids are allowed to play and he isn’t. On his birthday he had a big cookout with a bonfire and several kids came and every single one of them stayed on their phones around the bonfire, they hardly wanted to lay them down to even roast their own hotdogs or marshmallows…we finally got them to put them down for a few minutes but it was short lived…We made the decision to put John in a private Christian school for many reasons but one of them was to find like minded parents…lol…I came out of retirement to go back to work part time to help offset the cost and it was the best decision we could have made. He has already made some nice friends who have parents with similar beliefs, he is no longer the only kid in 8th grade that doesn’t have a phone and is so much more at peace…Now realizing how far behind he is academically is another story for another post… So happy I stumbled upon this blog.
Jacqueline
Awww..thank you, Teresa! Thanks for sharing your story and how God has lead you! I’m sending a BIG hug your way to you in KY! It sounds like a wonderful place to raise your children. J
Debbie
I am a teacher, and for over 35 years I have seen a change in student’s sociability, as well as classroom engagement. I feel as if I must almost now be an entertainer while I am teaching, in order to keep and sustain student attention in class. Students now get bored very quickly. They beg to watch movies, or the internet. I think it is important for children to be bored, to think and plan something with creativity. I know parenting is a difficult job, but parents need to spend more quality time with their children.
Jean
This was true for me back in the 90’s… I used to say to my 1st grade students “this is school; not Sesame Street!”
While it’s important to get kids engaged I don’t think we have to be entertainers.
Matt
Debbie: You have not “seen a change in student’s sociability”, even if it feels like you have. It’s just a case of confirmation bias.
100 years ago adults were saying very similar things about kids. 100 years ago. Probably since the beginning of time.
And when you were a child people said the same things about your generation….
Something to think about.
Gus
I think that teacher have look at themselves as part of the problem as well as part of the solution.
Jacqueline
Yes, Gus, we all (parents, grandparents and teachers) need to be willing to learn better ways to help these next generations!
Shereen
Hi there. I am a mom if 6 living in Cape Town, South Africa. I live in a small Muslim community and my children attend private Muslim Schools. I made the ducision never to enrole my children in Government Schools when my 1st born, who is now 18, spent 7 years at a goverrnment school.
I did not send her back to school after primary school, but sent her to an all girls school learning all about our religioun, God and the life of our prophets. Today she is a qualified islamic studies Teacher and earning good money, while at the same time still memorising the quran.
My 2nd child, a boy, completed his memorisation of the quran at age 10 and is currently in grade 7 and teaching the quran to high school boys.
My children dont have mobile phones, laptops or ipads. The tv only goes on between Friday at 5 pm and Sunday 5 pm. All visitors are not allowed to be on their mobile phones and we switch our wifi off.
Chores are done daily and shared amongst the siblings. Each child has to complete reading of a book every month and the summary is presented to the entire family.
I am proud of my children. They are well mannered, compassionate, kind, helpfull and responsible because they are raised old school. We chat and tease endlessly. We watch old movies together and we love spending time in the outdoors. I often hear the words “i am bored”, but they always end up finding something to do.
I was born in the seventies and my house and lifestyle of my children is still exactly that.
Bring back religioun and send your children to church. Let them form a bond with God. The world has forgotten God and the reason for our existance.
Sarah
Shereen,
Thank you so much for sharing. Definitely agree with families going toward a power higher than themselves, for me my higher power is God. I strayed from God in my younger years, unfortunately I grew up in a “cult like” church that really negatively distorted the true love and peace God has given me. Without God my life turned to kaos and I nearly lost my soul. In my darkest time he came to me through my daughter. I took my kids to the park, my depression was at an all time high, my daughter was picking up garbage that others had left behind and throwing in the trash for them. I asked her what she was doing and she looked up to me with her big beautiful blue eyes and said,”mama there is power in doing good”. I smiled at her and said,” you are exactly right Lauren there is power in doing good”. She was 3 years old at the time and I have never heard anyone say that to her, nor had my husband and I ever said that to her. She touched my heart so profoundly. Just hours before I was contemplating suicide and she reminded me there is still good in this world. I began going back to church that weekend. I couldn’t believe how much I had missed it and how peaceful I felt at church. The pastor’s message was so profoundly connected to what I needed at that time in my life, I was crying through the whole sermon. I truly believe God was speaking thru them. Anyhow to get back on topic. I feel in society at this time our children are missing a large piece of gratitude and spirituality. I feel a lot of children in our community don’t know what it feels like to go with out, nor do they care. I am not necessarily speaking from a religious stand point but from a stand point of caring and love. Maybe we can start this out by having our children watch us give back. For instance giving the homeless person a dollar, a care package or hamburger. What a great way to start that conversation with your child. After all “they” say children model their behaviours after their parents behavior. I also really loved your idea of having your children read one book a month and present a report to the family. What a fantastic way to foster a love of reading. I am stealing that idea for our family.
Akansha bansal
This is really wonderful piece of article…Thank you so much for sharing..
Greetings from India
Jacqueline
Greetings back, with thanks, from all of us here in US, Akansha!
Bette Mroz
Jacqueline, thank you for sharing this information from Victoria. It is a fine summary of the advice I offer parents in my 500-word newspaper column, website and Facebook page.–Supporting Super Students. As a former educator, mother of six children, grandmother and great-grandmother, I attempt to share my experience in these roles to help parents learn how to help their children and become learning partners with them and their teachers. My motto–smarter parents for smarter kids.
We can train our future generation, but parents, grandparents and caregivers need to be willing to learn better ways to do so. I give help I wish I had had as a mother long ago.
Thank you for your blog also. I believe sharing what we have learned is vital to the future, and technology helps us to spread the good word.
Bette Mroz
Lisa
Not really apparent that gives kids technology etc, but feel that a lot of blame gets laid on parents. Jese, we’re all just trying to do or best.
Joe Wilson
Amen to that.
Also, don’t think the point of the article was to scold anyone, but rather to share a professional opinion on a pretty complex subject.
I agree though, when talking with teachers(unsung heroes in my book) we tend to hear it’s the parents or parenting … then we hear parents saying it’s the teacher or school ..,
Every situation is unique with similarities and shared responsibilities.
But yeah, parenting, working, it’s hard at times.
What’s that old saying … it’s the journey …
David Petrovay
I was an educator for 34 years. Thankfully I retired before seeing what was described in this article. Today I have the opportunity to observe it every time I am out in public. Please and thank you are no longer in many children’s vocabulary. Today I watched a mother with her two small boys playing right into their hands at the check out counter. They persisted with “I want…” until she gave in. They knew that “No” didn’t mean “no,” it only meant they had to continue until she gave in. She did.I am not sure what it would take to turn this around even with the suggestions offered.By the way, I have traveled around the world and the US does not have the corner market on this.
Joe Wilson
Also what we are seeing is that kids are or may be more able to speak up and not be afraid to challenge an authoritative adult. It might not be right, or the way to parent or teach, thank you and please, as well as understanding the importance of no and minding your parents, but I’m pretty happy knowing the rules have changed in some ways to allow the kids to speak up more.
All about finding balance, and being okay with making a mistake. Maybe some of these parents not teaching manners will eventually, just not that day at the market standing near you.
Pablo
Does every generation say this about “kids these days?” and teachers say “parents should be like ______” Also, does saying “trust me because I’m an OT” really back this up?
I give this blog entry a B.
not that anybody asked..
sheri
I lack the support system, strength and apparently the authority (adult children did bad things when I got sick 2 years ago) with my 2 teens. I fear them. I try very hard to balance the new world of technology and the family life I grew up with and brought my 5 older children up with. Apparently, I ruined their lives too. I find it very hard to conto technology when the schools themselves require constant use for assignment and aren’t efficient in its methods. Blaming, no. Just responsive, rather than in control.
J
I do agree with this.
I *do* limit screen time at home, and allow my child to be bored. (She does not play outside because our neighborhood has no sidewalks and we worry about traffic.)
BUT, her teachers send her home with “go to this website”, “get your parents to download this app”, “go here for Tumblebooks/Google”, etc. Several times a week, I have to have the argument with my daughter to point out that she doesn’t NEED these sites and that her teacher’s instructions are not inviolable. I feel bad about undermining her teachers this way, but help me out here: it’s not the worst thing in the world if she learns to type in high school, if she learns to read *gasp* a paper book. Just. Stop.
I’ll do my part to keep her off-line and off-screens. I would hope the school could help me out with that.
Joe Wilson
Super honest reply. Not sure if I’m off base but agree the job of parenting, teaching, guiding kids, teens, as was in the past and today can be very hard at times.
Kids are influenced so much more now than years ago. Almost feels like the world has more of s hand shaping and molding our young minds that us as parents.
It is scary, but also may just be foreign to us with how different the present is.
Kindness, compassion, love, — timeless.
Cindes
Agree.
Sheila McKosky
This is a great article. Thank you.
Cindes
https://givenbreath.com/2015/08/19/feel-free-to-invite-yourself-in/
Good article to balance the conversation…
Jacqueline
Yes, this is great, Cindes:
“Oh! But they need privacy! Oh! But what will happen when they leave for college and you’re not around? Oh! You don’t trust them! You’re stifling them! Oh! Your poor, socially awkward kids will need countless hours of therapy to undo the damage you’ve done!
Really?!
Rubbish.
Our children do not need total on-line privacy. They need boundaries, accountability, insight, and infinite grace – just like we do.”
Thank you for your comment!! 😀
Joe Wilson
“They” – we talk like this is a patch of berries in a farm needing watering and sunlight.
This is a super complex person we are talking about. Each might need a little something different. As teachers, and mentors, we should try to go easier on the one size fits all approach. I agree completely with what you said about boundaries but also not the same for all kids.
Cindes
I agree with what you are saying. What I like about the article is that the writer is acknowledging that media is part of her kids lives. She understands that she needs to meet her kids where they are at, and navigate that world.
Joe Wilson
Very well said. Agree on all points.
Some of the challenges as teachers, parents, and as kids change or can change daily with the current pace of the world and how quickly information travels.
One thing seems like a good skill to master or practice – the art of adaptation.
Mark J. Kinsella
As a just retired H.S. teacher of 34 years, I could not agree more with this article. I’m happy I grew up in a time when I played outside from dawn to dusk and was not coddled as kids are today. I have seen a marked decline in all these behaviors, even among new teachers who were born into all this technology. Social skills, civil behavior skills are very poor. I think this is what I would really like to teach in my retirement: Life 101. Proper social skills are critical for a whole person. I may sound like a curmudgeon, but kids who spend hours and hours on their phones, video games, etc. are destroying a main part of their brains.
Joe Wilson
If you had to cope with the current pace and rate of technological change today, you would see some of these behaviors like playing video games and using devices as a way to adapt to a much more demanding world. If kids could only realize the importance of balance and appreciation for both worlds – the old and the new, everyone would benefit. Just keep in mind kids today have the ability and tools no other generation has seen. One of those kids playing video games and watching videos on a device could also find a solution to a major problem – maybe rid the world of a terrible disease. Their parents gave them the confidence telling them they were awesome – and the access to vast amounts of information all over the world means who knows what and how much they can learn. Just staggering how these times are like no other in history. Too bad all we hear mostly in our fast paced news briefs is something scary and bad happening – when also in the world we are experiencing massive breakthrough’s whether in science, medicine, our universe. We have a long way to go, but I for one am quite excited about the possibilities.
Cindes
I couldn’t agree more with your statements. As well, I am a school teacher and I have met countless kids that understand what bullying is, how to spot it and stop it. The kids have exchanged some of the old skills- true. But, I would say that we have encouraged all of these changes. Many of us went to school where kids were bullied and no one did anything. Maybe kids are more skeptical, but I have seen kids do amazing things for others that would not have happened in my school years.
Joe Wilson
As a parent of young adults, seeing some of the differences with kids, how they seem self centered, as teens and twenty something’s but also they are able to speak up and maybe challenge some bad apples like bullies. Sometimes what comes across as entitled comes out as protective of self, others. We can only hope – as I often say – people use their powers for good not evil. Hard enough being a kid and then to be bullied.
Our modern times can be a blessing and a curse here. Now kids can bully using social media, but also stop or keep watch as well using social media.
It’s like when we discovered fire – sure we could burn down the village, but we also could do great things with it.
Julie O'Hara
I have worked in child care for almost 40 years . Over the years I have seen behavior in children get worse and worse. I do not think it is their fault , they are a product of their environment. They all feel entitled . This is a learned behavior , because according to the parents , it’s not their fault . Parents make every excuse in the world to prove that their little one is not the problem. I feel that this is just a new generation of parents that only want the best for them, but they go about it in the wrong way. They want the kids to know that the are the best at everything ! When they get out in the world the kids can’t cope . Reality sets in and they struggle , throw temper fits and act out . Parents blame the teachers or other children for the behavior their child is displaying.
yes , we are growing another entitled generation , that can’t cope without mom and dad there to fight for them. Very sad .
Joe Wilson
Sure there are some parents out there that fit what you are saying, but it sure feels like things are far more complex. So much of what I’m reading in these comments seems like an older group not understanding or relating to a new generation and different child than what was seen years ago. Hoping we can work more toward working together and understanding on both sides. Kids can learn a lot from our past, but they also need people older than them to try and see the world from the kids prrsoective.
Jacqueline
Hi, Joe! I do realize we (at least me at 65) are the older set, but we also have seen what has worked at school and at home for generations from a perspective of experience. Now we are seeing what isn’t working and are concerned enough to share what we did (and almost everyone else did) that made for healthy (mentally, physically, emotionally) children that grew up to be productive members of the greater society (like the builder generation which was my parents). We truly are not trying to condemn or criticize but be constructive in sharing what we feel to be helpful. I appreciate all your comments, too, btw 🙂
Joe Wilson
Hi Jacqueline! Great conversations and flow of thoughts and ideas in your Blog! Curious to your point being 65, do you find either yourself or people of similar age or older having a tough time with how much has changed in terms of technology and use of technology? Also, is there a feeling of not relating well to the teen and twenty something generations prevalent from your perspective, or around you? I love seeing a young adult spend time and bond with an older adult and seeing an exchange of ideas and stories. There is so much to learn from like you said the experience older people can provide for others. Trouble is younger people don’t always appreciate how important or what the gems are around them until many years later as they get older. I also think the older people can benefit greatly if they are able to be open minded to what the younger kids are interested in.
I’m somewhat in the middle generation, more older than younger, but being in the technology world for most of my life see things from that lens. I am trying to encourage healthy use of technology as much as I can, but also after the last couple years of studying the changes and what the future may look like in 2 – 5 years, I am starting to see how what we thought was not accepted or comfortable is and starts to be more common place as people adjust to it. I am speaking specifically about social media, and using of technology in more places, like out and about rather than just at home or in our work place. Now many people carry their technology where ever they go, and of course can’t seem to put it down right : ) But even that, is in some ways becoming more ‘normal’ to a degree. Not saying I agree, just saying what I am seeing around me. Of course many more people are saying that these uses are not good or not normal, but those seem to be more the exception when looking at the younger generations. I know people that say they will never have video games in their house, or around their kids. I also have friends that use video games to teach and prepare their senior in high school for pre-medicine college classes soon. Crazy to think that video games can be used in such a way, but those types of things are starting to evolve pretty rapidly.
My concern is that more conversation is needed and keeping an open mind is important when we discuss how kids are shaped and taught and parented. As always, most of this depends on a per household or family by family basis, but knowing how important teaching and mentoring is, I would like to see more discussion in these areas, like what is taking place in your blog : )
Jacqueline
Hi, back, Joe!
I will try to answer your question about engaging our kids and how we kept an open mind with our kids.
Haha, we taught our kids at home (a revolutionary concept), and they have all stated they will do the same and loved having the freedom to pursue their educational passions. One is married 3 years now and a pilot for a major airline, one is an organic farmer and entrepreneur (will be married to an home-educated young woman in Jan.), and one is a new wife and business owner. So all 3 will be married soon and we will be empty-nesters but very involved with them all.
All 3 are way more tech saavy than I am and taught me everything I needed to know to stay up to speed with them and write this blog. It has been a journey but an awesome one.
We loved spending time together in nature, hiking, biking, and on our cattle farm. Most of it was offline, and our boys never got into video games because they were pursuing other interests. They did a about half of their secondary education with online classes (self-study) with real professors and got dual credit for college.
We challenged them that they would either want to spend their time getting ready to be earners and decision makers for their own families one day or ‘play games’ and while away their time, best years and strength. They chose to get on with it, thankfully, but we didn’t nag and we definitely didn’t coddle. We let them make many mistakes (and pick up the pieces) which they learned a ton from. We are far from perfect, but loved being parents. Now we look forward to being grandparents!
Thanks for all the discussion, Joe… so helpful!!
Sarah
I agree it is all about balance. I don’t know if it just where we live, a suburb out of Seattle, WA, or if this is everywhere. It just seems to be difficult to parent or teach in our new technology world. First of all I live in a community that has all different socio-economics, cultures, races and religions which I love. The hard part is the time juggle. Most families in the area I live have to have both working parents (some even have more than one full time job). I guess to pay for all the technology. We then sit in 1.5-2 hours of rush hour traffic, we are the “lucky ones” because we live 15 minutes from our workplace. So by the time our family comes together for dinner it’s 5:30pm on rare occasions up to 7pm. So right off the bat quality parenting time is maybe an hour out of 5 days. Then they want to play outside, which is absolutely fabulous in my opinion but we have 358 sex offenders in a 5 mile radius, so an adult has to be with them at all times. Don’t get me started on the drug deals and drug paraphernalia all over the community park, not public park, community park. So then my parenting time is taken up on making my kids safe as I spend an 1/2 to an hour explaining to my 5 year old why she can’t touch the dirty needle on the ground. I spend more time in my car than with my children, sorry just realized that, that is sad. With the two full time jobs we are barely making it. We do not live in a mansion, our community is probably one level above the ghetto. Our house was built in 1980 and both our cars are used. Needless to say we are stressed! When we do want to go on an outing to spend quality time together there is absolutely nothing that a family of 4 can do under $20. Oh wait we can go to open swim at the high school for an hour and a half, no I am wrong that $24. I do know there are free things to do and discount days at museums etc.but nothing spontaneous. My point is that I am so busy trying to feed, clothe and etc. Leaves little time for expert parenting. I teach my kids manners, to be safe, they have boundaries,they are disciplined and there homework is completed. Yes my 5 and 6 year old children have 40 minutes of homework a night. My husband and I are doing the best we can. My daughter can careless about gaming or the internet but my son is a different story. He loves it! I have just started putting time restrictions on the technology. Not because his pediatrician or teacher told me to but because his personality was literally changing and not in a positive way. It scared me. He was playing his tablet over playing outside or with his friends. He was talking less. His affect was flat. He had always been a story teller and jokester didn’t tell any for months. It was as if he was coming out of a coma. He had no creativity or imagination during this time. This was him playing an hour a day/5 days a week and the change was quick. So I did the best parenting ever and pulled the plug. They can do it at school or occasionally at home. They are there 7 hours a day with an hour of it being recess, lunch and/or gym/library/music.
I miss the saying it takes a village because I feel a lot of parents and teachers are drowning. When I volunteer at the school I feel so bad for the teacher. I counted the times of interruptions in an hour 40, I am not kidding. Most of it was disciplinary but there was also a lot questions or announcements over the intercom and kids/other staff popping in and out of the room. Every time the door opened she had to refocus the kids. It took about an hour and 15 minutes to get through a book that should have taken 20 minutes with discussions and answering of questions. I am hoping this is transitional period in our history and as we go along it will get better?? Cheers to hoping.
Joe Wilson
I’m finding kids 8, 10 years old knowing so much about the world, science, all sorts of things. I ask them and hear almost all the time that they learned whatever it was on YouTube. Video games are becoming sports and growing like crazy. As someone in my 40’s and with a 25 year career in technology, dad and husband; I strongly feel it’s the new generations world and we live in it. The more we can understand some of the things like video games the more we can connect with this digital native group. Moderation and balance, social interaction, paying attention, listening, all so important but at times not practiced enough. If we can understand them and adapt with them as needed to connect I think it would be or could be very valuable for both. As someone that has grown up playing video games I am greatful for all that playing has taught me. I love to read, and especially challenging books, classics, other languages. Some select video games may one day be held up as huge works of art and expression. The time and effort to create a top tier game is staggering and time consuming much like a fine piece of fiction or great play. It’s just different, digital, a sign of the times. Schools, teachers, the systems of learning, the lack of appreciation teachers face, all ripe, and long over due for a transformation, total makeover. We should bring the technology, video games, virtual reality, YouTube into the spaces of learning. We should try evolving the digital world into a learning environment. Mix fun and learning. The jobs and fields the younger generation will enter may not even exist today or look totally different from anything in the past. Hoping we also incorporate more individual learning rather than presenting material to the entire class. Super challenging I’m sure for teachers, maybe technology can assist here as well. If kids are able to play a video game or watch YouTube for hours let’s try to manage the time and teach healthy habits but also avoid pointing the finger at the games or devices.
Very good article – and important topic, just feel like there needs to be a wider look into this. We need to add the voice of the technology perspective and find ways to find solutions. Socialization is another topic – now more than ever with the tons of ways we communicate digital and non digital, whose to say which is preferred or inappropriate. Of course there is a common sense approach, but unless we meet the new with the past we might further divide ourselves. I for one am trying to be open minded and understanding before judging and concluding. Okay, time to turn off the computer and enjoy some time with my loved one. Thanks for listening, hope this made sense and was helpful food for thought.
Sarah
Is certain levels of the Autistic spectrum, just evolution then???
Milton Stokes
This blog would be stronger with citations. As it stands, this reads like a series of opinions, anecdotes and potential hypotheses. Please do consider updating with scholarly support. Sweeping generalizations that are not supported by research are not generalizeable. But I do appreciate the writer gave us something to think about!
Joe Wilson
Totally agree with your reply, as I was typing it I was thinking the same – and how citations would make much more sense toward some of the points. Right now, like you said, just food for thought, trying to share in the conversation as opposed to polarize.
My primary sense is just how all sides being considered and some thought into some of these tough subjects might be of benefit – might not be, but might be helpful by adding some commentary. Never thought even as a person in their later 40’s would say wow look how much technology is around us and how things like video games are evolving. Things like ESports, and games that teach history, or science. So much more can be brought to the table in terms of discussing this topic, or some of the key points in the main article, which I think did a good job of at least taking a stab at it – some aspects of what we are seeing with kids, classrooms, parenting, technology, etc.
Julia Spiegel
You were just so close in this article to finding the real cause. It’s fake food. It is the root cause for everything that is wrong with kids and adults these days. When you eat processed food from birth, the effects are astronomical. Luckily kids can be fixed almost as easily as they were destroyed. Switching over to a vegan diet will cure them. It might take their mind and body a while to catch up, but it will work. The same can be said for adults, though the damage is a lot more widespread mentally. But it is still possible.
BettyG
Or lack of sleep, disruption of sleep from use of screens and devices (possibility). Sure diet, types of foods, lack of certain foods, so much more to discuss and explore.
That said, how is a one size fit’s all approach to eating realistic? While (I’m not a vegan) I have no doubt there are health benefits from being vegan, and no doubt you have experienced them first hand and seen evidence in people around you.
My concern has been that some people want to try to be vegan but struggle to get enough protein, or other nutrients or calories etc. It can be hard it seems to eat when so much of the world around you is all over the map maybe with how they eat. My wife and I are major fans of the freshest quality food, shopping at our local farmer’s market if we can, cooking meals, not quick prep, but from scratch. We eat together, share meals with others. We have family members that are vegan, mostly for specific health reasons and they seem to really struggle sometimes, not just around me, but in the world at times, with finding healthy choices or vegan choices. They often just grab something easy and fast, but may not be healthy choice.
While I agree food and what we put into our bodies is a major factor, just would be curious to know how people that may want to know more about what being vegan even means, or how it works, for you, for example – not the health benefits, but how you have solved or work around some of the challenges of being vegan with so many other styles of and ways to consume food around you. I am sure one characteristic is very good discipline and will power. Do you suggest people starting to or just new to being vegan get any medical tests to watch for any changes or normally not needed? Do you strongly suggest they take supplements to make sure they are getting enough daily intake etc.?
I love animals, and often think it odd that my meal includes meat – but for now am not planning to be a non meat eater, but for some it seems more about the topic of eating or use of animal product vs. health. I try to know where my food comes from, that to me is a great start vegan, or meat eater.
Donna
This is so good! As an older mom (53) I see this type of parenting running rampant now as compared to even a decade ago! I think we all make mistakes as parents but your list are the very reasons why we have entitled 20 something kid/adults now. It is our fault as parents because we wanted to make a better life for our kids than we had and we created a whole new set of issues. I love the list of suggestions to help untrain our kids back into a more balanced way of life. Thanks!
Barbara R Saunders
Why can’t they be like we were?
Perfect in every way.
What’s the matter with kids to-
What’s the matter with kids to-
What’s the matter with kids to-day?
Joe Coyote
Barbara R Saunders: BINGO!
Jerold Markin
Jerold D Markin Great article in the AV press today….leading cause of college drop outs? Loneliness and isolation, depression. They miss their HS friends and all the texting…they are social misfits, unable to make friends or socialize. Dozens of major college counselors and Dept’s were analyzed and interviewed. Conclusion? “Psychologically frail”. Parents are part of the problem…unwilling to let go… My opinion…pathetic, absolutely pathetic. We are seeing more and more of these issues even in grade schools. To hell with the teachers…kids are in charge? perfect example…reactions to an election where your candidate lost? Tears. rage, irrational behavior and even violence. Wow? What a screwed up society! “and every man did that which was right in his eyes!” Nothin new under the sun!
Joe Wilson
Nowadays comments on the Internet can be really nasty and mean. This article and the comments above are really insightful and informative. Kind of a breath of fresh air these days.
I feel the article has some good info on how to cope with our current state of kids in the classroom, and some ways to make the best of things. All very helpful for sure.
I also feel this is a bit of the sign of the times, and what we see outside the classroom sometimes has just moved at a faster pace in terms of technology and teaching. The question is do we try to get back to basics or try to hold on to some important human factors in terms of how we are as people or do we also accept that we may need to change up how we educate or how the classroom dynamic works. I feel that teachers are the heroes, and the need to change is with the funding and support of the people in the classrooms and at the school doing their best. If some of the companies that support and sell the modern world only did more in the way of helping modernize and support the schools that may be a win win. With the funding challenges schools face, hard to even just get basic supplies let alone something to adapt to the future needs. So, is it the parents, the teachers, well maybe, and yes, sure, but really is it the status quo for what we consider a school and classroom is.
The world has changed a lot, some better some maybe not, but has the classroom kept up?
I see a lot more in the way of home schooling, private smaller schooling, companies are starting to create a school program at the workplace. Charters are popping up it seems. At the end of the day though, we need a good solid public system for the less lucky kids that don’t have parents that work at a super progressive well funded company.
Really challenging stuff, hoping to see some creativity though in the coming years toward ways to address the situation.
And yes, we are going to see quite a few digitally obsessed people, but we are also going to see some people appreciate a vinyl record again, as well as an unlimited supply of songs ready to play anytime they want. Interesting times we are living in.
As the years go, and we see the last one or two generations age – those are the people that we really need to spend time with, talk with and listen to their stories and wisdom. After they move on, and all we have is the digital native born with all this technology around them, they will not even comprehend what it was like go to a library, find a book, or shift gears and steer a car. I for one say let’s celebrate and enjoy as often as we can the people born before Y2K.
Amy
Many great points here. Tech is here to stay. When technology is used as a tool, it can do great things that can’t be done without it, like personalized learning in a classroom full of children. Can level the playing field. It must be implemented with much forethought. This is a good resource: https://twitter.com/OfficeofEdTech/status/901465542246191104 Active vs. passive technology use
Jacqueline
Thanks for that, Amy! Are you a teacher? I’ll check it out 🙂
Samar Khanna
Hi Jacqueline, Hi Victoria.
This was awesome and absolutely true to the sense.
I am so glad I read it. And I completely believe in each and every thing mentioned.
I try and work hard on these principles in shaping and bring out a better human being in my child. In doing so, I my appear to be a disturbance today in her mind, but in long run, she will relalize the contentions behind this.
I strongly profesy, the same ideas in my surrounding, that you have shared in this blog. But could never express this as beautifully as you have done.
I wish to be following you and your write ups.
Please help me stay in touch.
Thank You Again!
Jane Do
I entirely agree. Children are on electronics too much these days and too entitled. They need to do more chores and be responsible for “earning their keep”, be outdoors playing and socialize more. I see these issues in my own children, one who has Autism. He thinks he is entitled to a gaming computer for his birthday regardless of whether or not we have the funds for it and thinks he can behave as poorly as he wants towards others in his family (we are not talking meltdowns, we are talking about him cursing us out when he doesn’t get his way or want to get up for school in the morning.) I guess he is going to learn a tough lesson when he gets no gaming computer for his birthday. My spouse and I continue to work hard to discipline both children and teach them to behave properly with very little progress. To be honest, most parents would rather check out of reality to not have to deal with their out of control children, I certainly find that tempting, but then we will have a generation of whiny, non working brats. So then it is eliminate electronics or strongly limit it, bring on the chores and strict consequences for disrespectful behavior. Kick them outside to play (with proper supervision, of course). But seriously, parents like me and my spouse screwed up so much when our kids were little, we just tried to do whatever got us through the day alive, maybe it is simply too late for our older children, teens and young adults now, and they are permanently screwed up. We’ve failed them all, sadly.
Grace Lee
Thank you for this article. As a piano teacher, I can affirm that studying the piano is a huge act of delayed gratification, and I share this often with my parents. Practicing can be tedious and boring at times, and you don’t get results quickly, which is hard for kids to swallow. However, the rewards are far reaching, not to mention the brain benefits as it has been proven to strengthen the cerebral cortex while engaging both sides of the brain. Learning delayed gratification is one of the great unspoken benefits of kids learning instruments. Having seen so many students on a long term basis, I completely agree that those who get the concept turn out to be mature, have deep friendships, and often become successful.
Jill Carroll
Four decades teaching, in administration, presenting inservice to teachers, and educating parents. One approach to kids expressing boredom is to fill a basket or cookie jar with slips of paper each describing an age-appropriate activity that takes 20-60 minutes. At least 3 /4 of them are along the lines of “clean out a dresser drawer, sweep the front porch, set the table, weed the strawberry patch for 30 minutes; fold a laundry basket full of clean clothes; entertain your younger sibling(s) for 30 minutes. The remaining tasks are neutral or fun: read for 30 minutes; make a fort from the couch cushions and blankets; make a dessert for tonight; phone a friend to ride bikes; watch cartoons for 30 minutes; play a card game for 30 minutes with a sibling or friend, etc. If a child comes to a parent complaining that they are bored, they draw a slip from the jar and must do as it says. Many kids will generate their own ideas rather than risk getting an task they don’t like.
robyn campbell
I am very wary of these articles.They are usually written by people who work extensively with children and I recognise their expertise.But they have rarely,I suspect, worked with people who are the detritus of older education systems and upbringings.
I have worked for 30 years with those who might be described as the flotsam and jetsam of humanity ( or as one of my colleagues once described them “the lost socks in the laundry of life”).
These people are often genetically unblessed with poor concentration spans and the inability to defer gratification ( and remember that the jellybean test was developed over 50 years ago).They grew up in a system at home and at school where they were forced to behave via beatings and intimidation.They did not learn anything at school and left as soon as possible ( and possible was 13-15yo in those days).If they were lucky,they worked in manual labour jobs until such jobs dried up both because of the shift in society and because their bodies gave out from a combination of poor genes, poor lifestyle and hard work.
My point is that the/a system failed them too – but no one cared about those on the bottom rung of the ladder and their deficits stayed hidden in a society geared to the successful.
The people who are vocal about the old systems being better are those who thrived in them.So it has aways been and probably always will be.
At least the educators of today are trying to predict the skills that might be needed and to develop them.But it will be another 20-30 years before we see the results.
Stormy
Well said!
mulheres ao vivo
Gerontologist, chapadeiro. 29, n. 1, p. 93-100, 1989. http://rubforum.ru/member.php?u=9103
Julia Truscott
Fantastic article, it’s a shame you use the pronoun ‘him’ to refer to all children. Surely we are passed this gender specific language. To illustrate how specific you would never say “childbirth was difficult for him”
Jacqueline
Julia, we have become so nip-picky and critical these days. It may be that the day she wrote it, her last patient was a boy… and who are we to judge, anyway? Let’s extend some grace, just as we would like others to do for us, please.
cat
Thanks so much for this blog, Jacqueline. I’ve been quite upset about my kids peers recently – it is shocking what is happening to kids – and will move to homeschooling (I just hope it’s not too late – my son is 4 and my daughter is 7). I regret I didn’t have the courage to do this sooner. I feel overwhelmed and am struggling to raise kids in this world and I so appreciate the honesty of your blog. Our lives have been quite traumatic and stressful and I just desperately want to create a ‘hearth’ for my family. Thank you.
Julienne Bifaro
I thought this article was excellent. Although I retired more than 10 years ago, the last 14 years of my teaching career was spent teaching third grade. It was my habit to spend 15 minutes following lunch doing “Teacher Read.” It was always with chapter books. It often took 2-3 weeks to finish a book. I found that several of them took the same book out of the library to follow along as I read. Being somewhat of a statistician, I did a survey at the end of each school year. One of the questions was, “what was your most favorite thing that we did all year?” EVERY year, this question received about a 70% response of “Teacher Read.” It confounded me every year because we did a lot of interactive participatory activities. This article, and my own thinking through the years, has led me to realize that it was probably the human interaction of the reading itself, with my displaying oral expression(s), sampling how words can be expressed, the shared experience of the audience reactions. I think I was doing more than I realized. Many parents told me at the end of each year, ” you turned my child into a chapter-book reader.” This is joy to a teacher’s ears. As I was retiring, I shared this information with younger colleagues who always responded, “Oh , we don’t have time.” I always said, “How could you not?” Sad.
Jacqueline
What a valuable insight, Julienne! Reading aloud should be the cornerstone of time spend with a child/ren (snuggled close, safe and secure and undistracted) at least 15-20 minutes a day. This reaped huge dividends for our children and family cohesion! Thanks for all you did for your classroom, dear teacher!
Beth
Wow! Such important points that all parents need to consider, Victoria! And thanks goes out to Jacqueline for sharing your wise insight with us!
Rebecca
I think the other things we haven’t mentioned is WHY parents tend to use these things. The looks we get when out and about and our kid is melting down now days isn’t that look of understanding. It’s that look of shame. Also we are no longer allowed to let our young kids out to play by themselves and we as parents have things that have to be done. We have adopted a “helicopter parenting” style. Now I’m not saying that a 4 year old should be able to run the streets, but I by 6-7 they should be allowed to play outside by themselves. But the problem is by then most of the damage has been done. Because we are already giving in to make things better because instead of realizing it take a village to raise a child, it is “You shouldn’t be doing this or that” and shaming another parent at EVERY turn. (NOT saying that is what this article is doing because it isn’t.) Just saying that society has changed making social issues for parents harder for them to parent as we used to. When parents have to worry about letting their child play outside alone because someone else doesn’t think you should and them in turn calling CPS/DHS on you and risking an investigation that NO parent wants to deal with, it makes all these things that we have addressed in this article even more relevant because we are trying to please society and not do right by our kids.
Raymond
This is true. There are changes in society that have made it very difficult for parenting in many ways. Safety being one aspect as it can be a very dangerous world to let your kids roam free these days.
But, this is where parents must take responsibility and get creative at times to engage their children. Camping, hiking, sitting by a lake or river as a family, reading, arts and crafts, the list is endless. By removing society preconceptions and doing what is right by those children we can change lives, including those of friends and family as they see the difference in our children from those keeping up with the ‘Jones’.
Ray
Stephanie M. Perryman
This article is long over due. This is completely correct
Raymond
Most of the comments I’ve seen are from teachers and workers, etc. The problem as I see it in this world today (and as written in the original article) starts and ends at home. I have never agreed or believed that it is a teachers or schools responsibility to raise or ‘entertain’ my children. That’s my job, my wife’s job. The school has a very large part but a ‘defined’ part in this whole process. I see society constantly trying to push their parenting responsibilities on schools and teachers, which is unfair and wrong.
Parents must take responsibility in raising their children. Their family, friends and church (if they are believers) should be their support group and school is to be just that. School. I live in Canada where all these same issues exist but where boredom can become a much bigger issue in the winter, especially when schools close due to cold or snowfall. I commend teachers and workers for all they do to help the family raise those kids but I don’t agree with it.
Our daughters were raised to do chores and accept responsibility and do those things that they may not like. They were taught that food should be made and grown, not purchased at a drive through or over the phone. Sure we still do that once in a while but mostly we ‘make’ dinner, together (fresh pasta, garden vegetables picked and cleaned, etc). We spent years camping in tents as a family, splitting wood, etc and games nights with friends and while camping with friends. They have just graduated and started college and I’m proud to say that in their generation, they are a rare breed. I can say that as I watched their friends etc grow up and see them now when they come over and they are literally amazed by home cooking, gardens, board games, sitting around a fire telling stories.
Thank you teachers, OTs, therapists, etc. But this problem starts at home and ends at home. Society can’t be blamed because the responsibility still starts and ends at home, regardless of what the ‘Jones’ are doing or have.
Ray
Patricia
Awesome post garnishing lots of discussions! I personally love when my kids tell me they are bored- lol. That’s when I tell them, “Then get creative…”#MommyMondayBlogHop
Dr Gary Gruber
I endorse, support and heartily recommend those five strategies for parents in dealing with their children. It’s hard and challenging to shift gears after so many behavioral patterns are established and have become habituated. That said, it’s still worth the effort, energy and time it takes. The easiest is to start out with these strategies when the kids are very young. In my experience of many years of parent education, I have found that parents need help in the how to implement these strategies effectively and successfully. Sometimes they try and then cave in and give up. Don’t give up. Get up and keep trying. It takes time and it’s very much worth it.
Roseann Hampton
This looks like it has hit a nerve with many people. As both a teacher and a parent I would have to agree with what is said in this article. As a parent I read to my children, played with my children, set limits for them and had conversations with them. And both were successful in school. Sure there are other reasons children are bored at school but the reasons above are definitely contributing factors! Thanks for sharing at The Blogger’s Pit Stop! Roseann from http://www.thisautoimmunelife.com
April J Harris
You’ve raised some really important points in this post. I particularly agree that children get everything straight away – instant gratification has become the norm for us all. From Amazon Prime to just about everything, anticipation is becoming a thing of the past…I’m so glad you shared this thought-provoking post with us at the Hearth and Soul Link Party.
Huma Shabbir
Excellent piece of writing.
augias
What a bunch of nonsense. There are plenty of teachers who engage their students by teaching the material in an interesting, creative, fun way. And there have always been many kids falling asleep in school, being inattentive etc. When I went to elementary school in the early 90s, in Italy, in a world where nobody had a cellphone, they only watched TV in the evening, and few of us had videogames, only 3-4 students out of 13 paid attention.
How old is the cliché of the child who nags “are we there yet” when driving somewhere? It’s clear that these phenomena have absolutely nothing to do with the changes in technology.
Also, having your children do chores so they get used to boredom to prepare them for a life of working in an office reveals a lot about the mindset of the author.
Nothing has changed: up to the parents to raise their child in a way that turns them into a productive, responsible, ethical person. It’s not about limiting technology, only about controlling the quality of what is consumed. Reading a good book vs a stupid book, playing a smart video game like starcraft or portal vs a dumb one like candy crush, watching a good movie vs a crap one.
Erin B
There are a lot of comments on here, so I’m unsure if someone has posted about this already – apologies if so. I’m just trying to think of how the world is going to look when today’s kids are at the age where they’re the ones running companies and governments. My parents and grandparents needed good handwriting, so they got handwriting lessons. I need to know how to type fast, so I learned to type beginning in elementary school. My great grandparents and great great grandparents were farmers – they needed to know how to run a farm, and learn about livestock and growing food. Many jobs today take place entirely at a desk – we need to know how to work computers, build programs, operate new technology, etc. We still need to know how to talk to coworkers, but even that is becoming less the case. More people can work remotely from home; more people have coworkers across the world that they never see in person; more people communicate via email, phone, or video chat than ever before. And as a young professional, I see many people 10+ years older than me struggling to deal with this new reality. Therefore, it’s not surprising that we think we’re ruining our children with the same technology that we use everyday of our lives to make money.
My point is this: yes, it’s important to teach your children how to have patience, work hard for what they want, and not give up because of failure because those things won’t stop being important no matter how much technology we have. However, they DO need technological skills that parents and grandparents can’t even dream of today. Who knows how companies will look 20, 30, 40, 50 years from now when these kids are working? A kid that’s interested in video games today might become interested in learning how to program them and can help program the next big software development. What’s going on in schools is not entirely technology’s fault, nor is it entirely parents’ fault or schools’ fault. All of society needs to work together to develop training programs for kids to be equipped to succeed in the real world – one that looks much different than our current one. I also don’t think it’s wrong for parents to let their kids use technology far more often than I (or you, or my parents, or my grandparents) did when we were younger, because their future is FULL of technology. Social skills are important, but they need to be contextualized in the current social structure. A lot of people have commented on how kids grew up 10, 20, 30, 40 years ago, but that world is gone. We’re in a whole new world where technology does rule our lives, whether we like it or not. Kids need to run outside, play board games, AND learn how to use (and develop new) technology. They’re all going to be important skills for them in their futures.
Caroline Chavasse
Agree ^^^^
Chris
Well said Erin B
Caroline Chavasse
I find pieces like this over reaching, full of blind spots and short on anything but hunches and unexamined feelings. Of course being a loving, attentive parent is essential. But that’s not the point. “Kids are getting worse and worse?” What an odd statement. Kids are kids. They are human beings. As adults, we would not stand for what we subject kids to in school. School is getting worse and worse. We take curious, motivated, driven, hard-wired to learn and focus, creative children and suffocate it out of them through our outdated and horrific schooling practices that resemble prison more than secure and supportive environments where kids can thrive and blossom, and become functional, independent adults.
Technology is their tool and will be what they use long after we are dead. It is atrocious what adults do to kids. Not technology.
School kills creativity. See Peter Gray, Sir Ken Robinson. #democraticschools There is a wealth of research, good outcomes, and smart people trying to move schooling out of the 19th century.
Celena
I agree!
Michelle
My son doesn’t watch a bunch of TV and while he has a tablet, his time on it is very limited (we don’t have internet or cable at home and most of the apps don’t work without some type of connections). I’m a full time single working mom, when we get home in the evenings, Its homework (while dinner is cooking), desert, get ready for bed and then go to bed. This is actually the first year he has struggled with school (4th Grade), I reached out to homeschoolers as well as teachers for help in what I can do for my son… EVERY SINGLE ONE pointed me to online resources and apps…. I have yet to even find a local resource for a low income family and private tutors cost a lot of money. Society has made it so that you have to depend on “screen time” to stimulate their attention. He definitely doesn’t get instant gratification, he doesn’t have game systems, knows he has to wait. He has to help around the house, he also plays outside and gets plenty of social interactions.
Jacqueline
I am so sorry that someone hasn’t reached out locally to engage and encourage you and your son. Are you looking for curriculum or family interaction for social reasons or both? I actually think you are doing sooo much right, Michelle, and doing the best you can. When you get home, just do what you are doing and continue to spend time with him as you can, affirming that he can do it and tell him about the power the Lord supplies to those who trust in Him. Life isn’t easy, for sure, and we all need wisdom and guidance that only Christ can give us as we seek Him. I will be in prayer for you, dear one. Comment back here if you want to go deeper and maybe we can email. Are you a believer? Hugs, J
Celena
I would also add that schools need to rethink how they teach today’s children: there is less physical education and more sedentary time. Children need to move… they need to be physical… they need to learn by doing. Schools are also becoming more and more technology based so that it is not only the home situation that encourages screen time.
Carole Asselin
Unfortunately, many parents fall into these traps because they are afraid. With the arrival of social media everyone can feel judged and many are.
Parents are afraid of letting their kids go play outside “unsupervised” in case accidents would happen, in case the child would run out of the yard, or he would get kidnapped while walking to a friend’s place. The news have emphasized those bad situations so much that many parents are scared. Then, there are now laws (you can’t leave a child unattended at home until age 12) so can you let your child go play at the park alone when they are 10?
Parents are afraid they will be perceived as “bad parents” if they don’t offer the latest technology to their kids, if they “force” them to do chores (oh my!!) or if they give consequences to the kids’ bad behavior. Just look at how social media can turn a regular parenting action into something out of proportions.
I agree that kids are often not prepared well enough, and that is caused by how things are handled at home, but let’s say that parents are usually not doing those things “on purpose”. They probably either THINK they are doing the best, or they are afraid that what is RIGHT, will be seen as wrong. They don’t want to be the “bad parent”.
Jacqueline
Carole, so much of what you said here resonates as true! So many freedoms are gone (like children going to the park to play) and parents are often caught. It is sad, too, that we are a culture of judgers where many look down on parents who they perceive aren’t so free with technology as they think they should be… Many are doing it for the right reasons and get labeled as sheltering or cocooning their children, when in actuality, those parents may be giving their child an edge to success…
Thanks for your comment!
Barbara Radisavljevic
I have believed this for a long time. I’m rather glad we could do our parenting and homeschooling before the Internet was widely available and before there were cell phones and other mobile electronic devices. Computer games were just coming on the scene. I believe they make parenting and teaching much harder. I am quite sure the political unrest and ugliness we see today is partially due to this desire for instant gratification coupled with lack of social and communication skills. I will try to get this message spread on social media to as many parents as possible.
carrie
I agree to many points on this blog but I do think it very important to take in all the facts of every child’s life. I think that the poor get over looked in these comments. What if the only thing I have to feed my child is Mac and cheese and PB&J . This is what the food bank hands out . Or maybe my child’s disability is physical and PTSD because he was a witness to a bad thing. Maybe we live in a dangerous area and have no yard to play safely. Perhaps I am single working mother and do not have the support needed. Also after I buried my first born child and was sexually abused by a babysitter, maybe I do know first hand what is out there in that scary world. I think sometime people who have money in their pocket live in a bubble.
Nithin
When the schools were not utterly boring?
Britta
I struggle with how much technology time my kids have as well. One problem I have to deal with too is how much technology is required for school these days. When one of my junior high students needed to translate words for his Spanish class or needed help with taking notes in class, his teachers expected him to use his cell phone (which he did not get until he was 16, as a safely feature when he became old enough to drive).
I have found one beneficial use of technology for one of my other junior highers though. After struggling through several classes last year, he asked if he could use Minecraft to design a scene for a book report. We have since used Minecraft to great results on other assignments too. When he had only produced two sentences for a creative writing scary story assignment after a week of encouragement and guidance, I suggested he design a scene in Minecraft. After a few hours we wound up with a 2 1/2 page story, excitement, a smile and he was proud of what he produced. So now he uses Minecraft from designing a scene of Washington crossing the Delaware for history to a biome for science. He also has created several videos to go with assignments in a couple classes too. Now if I can just figure out how to use Minecraft to help with math.
Jacqueline
Britta, it sounds like you are a resourceful and wise teacher! More power to you as you engage with students and encourage them to be creative using their God-given gifts and talents! Thank you!
Amber
I like this article a lot. Do you have anything that combines these thoughts along with the varying learning patterns for boys vs. girls?
Jacqueline
Hi, Amber! I am reminded of this one: https://deeprootsathome.com/boys-think-and-process-differently-than-girls/ It has been a hot post, too, with many parents seeking to understand how better to teach their sons!
Hope it helps 🙂 J
Patrick Hernandez
Hi, Very Good Article and enjoyed the read- the only thing is that your link for board games leads to marketing for parenting books and not a list of your favorite board games. Would like to see the list if possible.
Thank you for writing and have a great day!
Jacqueline
Patrick, Victoria isn’t monitoring her comments, but there is a list in this post that may help: https://deeprootsathome.com/does-your-child-have-time-to-play-just-play/
I think it will answer your question!
Gillian Thorne
I was only able to read about half of the comments after I read the article, but I think that the technology discussion drifted off the point to some extent. I am the parent of three grown children and the grandparent of seven young children, and spent my adult years teaching elementary school, being a full-time mom for sixteen years, a principal, and a university administrator, in that order. In addition, my husband is a retired submariner, so I was a single mom for months at a time. My PhD dissertation was on parent and community involvement in education. Schools too often create distance between home and school and treat parents as deficient in their ability to educate their own children when in fact every parent is a specialist on their children and should be empowered to act like one. I think the article attempts to empower parents to be in charge of their home environment, to reflect upon the concepts explained in the article, and to create the best possible home environment for their children to thrive and become successful adults. As at least one comment mentioned, technology is a tool (and many forms of technology have preceded current technology) and should never dominate children’s, or adults’, experience, and certainly should not substitute for the real world. Every parent can find a way to follow through on the article’s excellent basic parenting advice, while choosing educational tools that enhance their children’s life experience.
BRIAN RAPHAEL
Excellent post! I would love to see more posts shared about the dynamics of child development, emotional availability, and the challenges posed by cultural shifts. Thank you!
Gratefully,
Brian Raphael
Tim Jost
This is a great article and I have forwarded it to several people who are (also) in a position to improve the true learning curve.
[I’m considering saying more about the paucity of quality education and good leadership being shown to ‘our’ kids, but I’ve said enough for now.]
Eric B.
I completely agree with everything in this article, and it was very insightful and well said, but I’d add to what was said here that I’ve sat in on some elementary school classrooms as an adult (mostly public schools, but also one private school), and it isn’t any place I’d want to be if I were a child even if I had the foresight to know what was good for me. Most simply, children just don’t need that many hours in a desk every day, but schools are too convenient a daycare system for parents.
Austin
The parental guilt trip here is incredible. The actual issue with kids having too much time on devices is not the lack of parental involvement but the expectation that parents need to supervise every moment of their children’s lives or else they are putting them in danger or neglectful. This simply wasn’t the norm in any previous generation. When you and I were kids, we were allowed to go to a park, play in the yard, walk to the store, roam the neighborhood with friends, from a relatively young age. Those boundaries allowed children to develop problem solving skills and social skills that went beyond “Mom! He is being mean!” because mom simply wasn’t there. Our parents weren’t some kind of saints for not exposing us to screen time or buying us water. We weren’t whining at them 24/7 because we weren’t around them 24/7. The “free babysitting” then was called the neighborhood, and that lasted until the media made a huge display of kidnapping cases, which despite all the alarm, have always been very rare, and have only gotten more rare.
Jacqueline
Austin, thank you for sharing your thoughts here! I did roam the neighborhood in the late 50s, but every household knew right where the children were and talked on the phone as we were in a particular backyard. THE PARENTS were INVOLVED!! SOOOO much has change and disturbing incidents have RISEN a THOUSAND fold! I am glad you could share your feelings!
Trudy-Ann Fyffe
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I’m so relieved to find that someone else has made the same observations and shares my views. I’m a Guidance Counsellor at a primary school and have been been trying to explain this to parents. I think they ignore me because I’m not a parent, so they think I’m not qualified to address the issue. I’m going to post this on the school’s WhatsApp group (that’s ok, right?) and present your recommendations at tge first PTA meeting for the year. I hope they listen this time, because our students are exactly as you have described in your article 🙁 Additionally, they have low EQs and poor critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Yet, they are more tech-savvy than all their teachers and parents. Most will manage to succeed academically, but may still be unemployable because they lack basic life skills and work ethics. I’m trying to apply behaviour modification strategies, but it’s difficult to effect change without the full support of the parents. I’ll keep trying though. Thanks for your insightful article. Blessings!
Jacqueline
Trudy-Ann, I applaud you for your hard work ethic and love for these children.
I am praying it will not fall on deaf ears! I would appreciate when the post is shared online the link points back to the original post on Deep Roots at Home.
Thanks for all you do to truly guide these families!
Blessings, jacqueline
Wendy
I agree with this all but the food. I’m so tired of seeing kids with low blood sugar being denied food having a meltdown related to hunger and being punished for it. A steady supply of nourishing healthy food keeps the brain and body functioning as they should with out the ups and downs associated with traditional meal patterns. I often tell my kids no, work on patience, and everything else in your list but food is not something that should be withheld as a teaching tool. When you are hungry and feeling low blood sugar and you get brain fog and start to drift do you consult a clock and admonish yourself for being hungry off the clock? Or do you act like a responsibly adult and get a snack? Why should kids be treated as if they don’t know when they need food? I understand not pulling over at every drive thru but I don’t understand withholding a bag of apples because they just ate or in the name of teaching delayed gratification. That’s just setting them up for failure and food related issues in the future. Just because they are young doesn’t mean their basic human needs should be used as a method of teaching or punishment or reward. Food is energy. A requirement to think and function well. It isn’t a tool for patience learning. As a matter of fact I’d say it will have the direct opposite affect and encourages impatience. What you might teach your kids is I don’t care that you are struggling, experiencing mood swings and are being set up to fail. I only care that you conform to my arbitrary feeding schedule. Otherwise a great list.
Geoff Fauver
I wish this article would have also touched on discipline.
The rest of it is spot on!
Jacqueline
Geoff, I know, right?! It was just too much to cover in one pithy post, I guess. We always believed in spanking appropriately and undergirded with love, but many don’t see it that way. The reason so many children of the recent generations haven’t learned any (or much) self-governance or self- control!
Elizabeth Soutar
I couldn’t agree more with you. My husband and I are “too strict” according to our parents but we very clearly remember being raised this way. My biggest concern is that my kids won’t be able to find other children with social skills!!
Jacqueline
Hi, Elizabeth! I felt we were too strict occasionally as we raised our children, but it turns out that they thank us now for making boundaries and helping them gain self-governance! I am sure, as you said, that our parents WERE stricter, and more successful raising responsible individuals, but they may have forgotten of become desensitized to the need for it by now! Stand firm! What we sow, we reap!
Blessings, ~J
Momma
I too worry about the influence “the other kids” have on my child. If I’m teaching kindness, inclusion and acceptance, I have seen how other children misunderstand this as weird or weakness. Almost making my child more susceptible to bullying. I know I need to explain to her that she needs to be resolute in her beliefs but that’s really hard at 8. As for screen time – I completely agree that limits are important. Too much of anything is not good BUT at what point am I doing my daughter a disservice if she begins to fall technologically behind with her peers and/or in school?
It’s so hard. Hahaha
Ben Dover
Everything in this article is the result of parents not being able to control their kids. Corporal punishment needs to be more implemented in disciplining children nowadays.
Miguel Zuniga
I just had my first baby and he is 5 months his my world
I was born in 1991 and technology wasn’t as famous as today’s technology the only fun I had was me and my cousin, like a brother me and him were never bored because our fun was outside playing baseball and riding bikes man we can be out there for hours and hours till dark.
We had lots of fun camping with family. technology hit hard people are lazier to take their kids to park and rather spend 50$ on a video game. I really want my kid to be a professional baseball player and always have that in mind exercise and hard work i wont introduce him to tech till late teenager if I see him doing good that’s my goal.
GOD BLESS all our children
Jacqueline
Miguel, I really get what you are saying about technology! Do you think that setting your son’s heart and mind on a being a pro bb player could keep him from working hard at something that really does have a much higher chance of happening!?? Pray hard for God’s leading, for the years go by fast and they could be used for great good for others and the greater good!
Blessings, ~J
Rob
I had a quick look into a clothes shop today, my three year old was with me. He decided to shove his head in my arse while I was looking at the trousers on sale, I was embarrassed but realised it was a game to him, I ‘ran away’ a few times, going from rack to rack but ended up leaving the shop with him in that position laughing his head off. I couldn’t really do much but laugh along at the idea of our pantomime horse walking down the path for a full minute before he got distracted and ‘detached.’ While I was in that shop I noticed two other three ish year olds, as quiet as mice in their buggies, staring at phones while their oatents’ shopped in peace. The moral of this story? I suppose it’s that I’d rather have a lively child with his head in my arse than a quiet one with his head in a phone.
Jacqueline
Oh, Rob!! What a beautiful truth you experienced there with your son! He is blessed, and so are you 😀 Great job, Dad!
Jenn
Absolutely ZERO percent of this applies to me. My daughter has been raised old school. I’m a no-nonsense sort of person. I raise my kids the same way my great grandma raised hers – no TV; tablets; plenty of outdoor time; no microwaves.. nothing is instant. Nothing except love, which is constant. Yet my kid was born autistic with mental health issues (I’m autistic; her dad has mental health issues). She also has dyslexia (her dad) and auditory processing disorder (me) and language processing disorders (her dad).
That’s right. Genetics.
Jacqueline
Jenn, I am so sorry to hear of the genetic challenges you all face. Yes, I would say it is genetic in your case. Were you and your husband vaccinated? Or your child? Have you looked into the possibility of your having MTHFR and that you are not normal detoxers? Please at least read this and start taking s methylfolate supplement that fits your particular defect. https://deeprootsathome.com/poor-methylation-mthfr/
Also look into TRS for all of you. Read Avalyn’s Story : https://deeprootsathome.com/avalyns-story-how-trs-a-safe-heavy-metal-detox-can-help-you-and-your-child/
~J
Elaine Adams
Their parents are addicted to their iphones. I watch parents walking their babies and/or dogs and they are all looking at their iphones or talking on their headphones or plugged into some listening device. I often feel like saying, why don’t you spend this precious time walking your child/dog and be with them? Give talk to them and for God’s sake please make sure your poor dog isn’t limping along tied up in his leash.
Jacqueline
Elaine, yes! The thing that hurts my mom’s heart is that the child is not getting talked to or sung to during that critical time! Eventually, they will feel like an accessory!
Karen
The reason that kids are bored nowdays is taht they have to much incentives every day. Being bored from time to time is a very good thing. It helps to build some creativity, sometimes it help to focus on more developing activities, which us, parents and adults can show to our kids. On of the best activity, that can be very tempting to do, when child is getting bored, is chess. we all know what benefits you can get by playing chess but for sure you cannot expect, that 3 yo will understand everything at one and be able to focus on the game longer than 3 minutes. but with proper approach and proper tools, you can interest your kid in this marvelous game. One of the tool is to creat some interesting background stories, other tool is to practice specific movements and strategies, using special diagrams. In this case, I can recommend this book – net-bossorg/chess-puzzles-for-kids-by-maksim-aksanov
Kathleen Aherne
This subject is heartbreaking. I hope we can reach more parents with eye-opening truth. We will feature this post on the next Blogger’s Pit Stop.
Thanks,
Kathleen
Jacqueline
Thank you, Kathleen!
Love to your team! ~J
RMJ
Excellent article. You’ve laid it down so simply yet so effectively. I totally agree with your conclusion. It’s we, the parents, who have to change ourselves, our habits and our perspectives to bring up kids who are ready to take on the world.
Julie Ah Sen
Hi!
Thank you for your insightful article on bored/entitled kids. We also noticed that nowadays children are too immersed in phones, tablets, tv and video games. So we created a soft toy with audio Bible that give children digital and Scripture engagement.
We hope that parents and grandparents will consider it as a meaningful gift option for their little ones. We would be very grateful if you would take some time to have a look at our little lamb.
We believe that the lamb can help soothe children, who are struggling to sleep at night, due to fear and anxiety. Listening to God’s Word also refreshes the mind and soul, and children can have more scripture engagement while playing with their lamb. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Is it a product that you would endorse?
The audio content includes Psalms, John, Ephesians & Philippians read by younger female and male voices. There are also 10 stories and 4 songs for children. We can send you a free sample to try out (and a giveaway if needed) and you can also let me know your usual procedure/media kit. We would love to work with you!
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards,
Julie Ah Sen
http://www.mylittlelamb.store
https://www.amazon.com/Little-Cuddly-Stuffed-Comfort-Children/dp/B07YLD94F6/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=my+little+lamb&qid=1624737114&sr=8-1