By Hayden Ritchie
Or, Social Christianity and the Death of the Homemaker
There’s a trend in society right now, especially all over social media, to accept mediocrity. Specifically, mediocrity in motherhood, marriage, and faith.
As a younger woman, I’m very troubled by the lack of Titus 2 mentorship exhibited or offered by older women, but also by younger women who foolishly brush off seeking wise council or who easily fall prey to ungodly council. I see younger women who do want to strive for righteousness but are often mocked by seasoned mothers/married women who have accepted mediocrity that “your expectations are too high” or “the higher you place yourself the harder you will fall,” “just wait till you have kids, then you’ll understand.” There’s a myriad of ungodly excuses I’ve personally heard that are all the more distressing. Yes, there are probably cases where expectations are too high, but better striving for excellence than just ok. After all, the Bible has things to say about striving for excellence.
We’ve got an onslaught of ungodly ideologies and advice being hurled at us via social media all day. Things like….
• You need booze/wine at the end of every day to tolerate your family/children, when the Bible specifically admonishes older women to instruct the younger to be sober minded.
• It’s perfectly fine if we haven’t done much all day, we’re a mess, the house is a wreck, and the children are running amuck, so long as they’re fed (dry cereal).
• Anything the world offers you takes priority over your family.
• Women are incapable of lying, so believe all of them always, regardless of facts.
• Gossiping is fine.
• You need every bright shiny thing to make your life easier and happier, or your kids lives easier and happier.
• Being financially irresponsible is cute or funny. Max out those credit cards, girl!
The list goes on, but those are the big ones.
With all that garbage fed to us regularly we are in desperate need of stable, firm-footed, godly women who are willing to point out sin without compromise in a gracious and loving way, and also who will encourage those who are striving for excellence and raising a higher bar for themselves and their families. If many older women are falling prey to these wicked ideas, will those of us who are younger fleeing these things have to fend for ourselves?
I’ve watched women I once admired accept and defend ungodly ideologies, practices, and political propaganda only to justify their newfound beliefs without scripture. I’ve watched them fall prey to ungodly “teachers” who preached a false god and now publicly accept these heretics. I’ve watched them slowly morph into something I don’t want to become myself and as a result had to distance myself as necessary. After all, show me your friends character and I’ll show you your future.
I recognize without a doubt that people are fallen and will make mistakes. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about women who have turned their back, seemingly so, to everything they once held dear, their first love.
I have a rubric of sorts that helps me identify if an older women is one I want counseling me or someone I want to keep close company with. I also use this to identify whether or not just about any female is sound company. Not in any specific order of importance:
1. Do her (older) children rise and call her blessed? If so, great! If not, why?
2. Does her husband rise and called her blessed and praise her publicly? Does his heart trust in her? If so, great! If not why?
3. Do her (older) children follow the path in the way they should go and do not seek to depart from it? A sign that they’ve been well trained and admonished in the Lord. If so, great! If not, why?
4. Does she worry and exude anxiousness? Or is she steady in the sovereignty of the Lord trusting him for the future? If so, great! If not, why?
5. Is she wise financially? Or does she frivolously spend her families hard earned money? Is she materialistic? If no, great! If yes, why?
6. Does she do her family good and not harm? If yes, great! If not, why?
7. Does she manage her home and family affairs well? Or are things in disarray and chaotic? If managed well, great! If not, why?
8. Does she fear the Lord? If so, great! If not, run.
9. Is her husband sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness? If so, great! If not, why?
10. Does her husband teach what accords with sound doctrine and does she affirm this? If so, great! If not, why?
11. Is she prone to slander, gossip, and drinking too much wine or other alcohol? If no, great! If so, run.
12. Does she posses a teachable spirit herself? Does she receive instruction/correction with a contrite spirit and quickly ask for forgiveness when necessary? If so, great! If not, run.
13. Does she affirm Titus 2:4-5? If so, great! If not, run!
“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.”
~Titus 2:11-15
We as women, sorely need Godly fellowship and desperately need older women willing to speak boldly over the lies culture speaks, even though they are so far from popular truths.
To those of you who already do this, thank you! And to those who don’t, seek out the Godly women in your lives. It’s not only helpful, it’s called for in scripture! Thank you for being steadfast 
Hayden Ritchie is an NANP board certified Nutritional Therapy Practitioner based out of Memphis, TN where she lives with her husband Eliot. After a stint in private practice, Hayden now works from home providing affordable alternative holistic healthcare through The Hippie Collective and blogging at Hippie Hayden about nutrient dense food, faith, and home life. Connect with her on Facebook at Hippie Hayden.
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Charlotte Moore
Very good read. This keeps telling me to go back and check everything. I have 3 times. I will see if it lets me leave this comment this time.
Jacqueline
Hi, Charlotte!! I got it 😉 You are so dear to me! Sending hugs and love to you special delivery!!! <3
Suzanne Cahall
I am grateful for this scriptural checklist. I am an older woman who feels a calling to mentor younger women. The one I don’t line up with is my adult children are not walking with the Lord, YET. They accepted Him as Saviour when very young, but as young adults, chose their own ways. Should I wait for their return before I mentor?
Jacqueline
Great question, Suzanne. Sometimes I just pray and sometimes I just *tell* them I’m praying for them. Sometimes I find a scripture verse that just seems applicable to the day or an event and tell them it was on my mind to share with them, but leave it at that. Most of all, keep loving them right where they are. When they get into trouble or just feel lonely, they will think of you bc you are SAFE and also tell them the truth in love. I will be praying for you AND for them to recognize their need for Jesus! Hebrews tells us sometimes we won’t see the promises fulfilled: “These (the people mentioned in that passage) all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.” Hebr. 11:13
Just know the Lord hears your prayers and is at work always! Hugs!!
Matthew Spangler
Do her older children have free will to think and act independently of her or is she automatically responsible for every choice her offspring make? Is every wife automatically responsible for the actions and choices of their husbands? Children “trained and admonished in the Lord” also can choose to reject their raising. Training and admonishing a child in the Lord is no gaurantee that they will keep the faith.
Anxiety can be a medical condition, and even the most faithful Christians will feel fear and anxiety, as Paul did in 2nd Corinthians 11:28. Anxiety can also be beneficial sometimes, as it can motivate us to work harder to overcome that which is causing us anxiety.
Jacqueline
Hi, Matthew! This older woman is not controlling, at least she is not characterized by that.. We must raise our children to gradually release them! She is in no way responsible for the actions of her husband, but should be there as a helper and maybe with love smooth over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). I wrote a post on the releasing of children: https://deeprootsathome.com/letting-your-son-go/
I wish we as new parents got a manual on how to raise a child! lol I think God gave us spouses and children to sanctify us 😀
Blessings! J
Robyn
I loved this post and believe we need more … MUCH more. But, as a woman of the Lord, that stood her ground as a keeper-of-the-home, home educated – as we interpreted Titus 2 – it is a difficult task to be vilified not only by the world, but also by both sides of your family and to have your kids lose all their extended family members of aunts uncles cousins etc, because you are trying to do, what you believe, is the right thing.
I’m not saying ‘fear’ or ‘difficulty’ are acceptable excuses, only that it’s best to try and be the change we want to see (i think is how the quote goes).
Erendira Ramirez-Ortega
This would make a great Bible Study on Biblical Womanhood. Raising the Bar that Sinks too Low! How’s that for a book title? I think you have a good hold of what is indeed plaguing women in the church today. A standard so out of context with the Bible that it becomes playful and fun to mock our worst. I agree, Titus 2 needs more exemplification in our churches.
Jacqueline
Love the title you gave it, Erendira! I hope you can get together a group of women and do this as a study! Let me know if you do 😀 J
Bev
I appreciate this post and others like it and am thankful we have this avenue to find like-minded women. The internet is my only source of encouragement currently in being a homekeeper.
Robyn
Hi Bev!
Bless you sister, keep up the great work.
Jacqueline
Robyn, you must have the gift of encouragement! Love your heart and your comment to Bev!! J
Jacqueline
Bev, I am so glad you let me know your heart! Seattle would be a harder place to find mentorship, possibly, but you are still a light, though you may not realize it! Do you have a good place of worship? Hang in there, for the Lord may bring you together with others when you least expect it! Our daughter just moved to the PNW and finds it similar if it were not for their church! Blessings, J
Bev
We moved to Ohio 2 years ago and no longer in the Seattle area. Our current church teaches Titus 2 but only 2 or 3 women actually practice it. Things have been said and implied from other older women that have really discouraged me and made me feel as though what I’m doing is somehow inferior.
I find great encouragement and strength from you and others.
Robyn
I know what you mean Bev. We find most churches to be too confusing with the mental gymnastics of trying to fit Biblical teachings through the sieve of feminism.
Honestly, we’ve given up for the most part. We’ve lived in numerous cities across Canada and have tried every time we’ve relocated to find a church that actually holds wives accountable to Titus 2 (among other things too). I’m not quite sure of the problem in the understanding of it.
Rachel | Approaching Home
One way i have noticed this phenomenon in my life is people always saying “your house is always so clean!!!” Obviously it isn’t always clean!! but I try to quickly pick up before company comes over, so they never see it dirty. What happened to pride in house keeping? I’m not great at housekeeping, but I do try to be tidy in multiple ways.
Jacqueline
Rachel, I have had that comment, too, almost as if it is weird to care for your home! I think it is getting worse and that more people just have not been taught these skills so they are not even on their radar.
When they see tidiness or cleanliness, it is a shock and foreign to them. I used to judge, but now I take another tack. I don’t get offended, and just talk about how mom used to do different homemaking things on different daya dn that she taught us and we helped out in the home and that it was a place of peace… I don’t go on and on, but it seems to plant a seed with some!
We can model our values and make a difference, hopefully!
God bless you and your family and your home! ~J