“I know that many would choose not to hear what I say in the article, but your children need you to hear this message. Even if you disagree with my perspective, please, just follow the recommendations at the end of the article. Once you see the positive changes in your child’s life, you will understand why I say what I say!” ~V.P.
Victoria Prooday is an outspoken advocate of children and hands-on parenting. I share her post with her permission because we want your children (and you) to thrive. (See her original post here.)
There is a silent tragedy developing right now, in our homes, with our children. Through my work with hundreds of children and families as an occupational therapist, I have witnessed this tragedy unfolding right in front of my eyes.
Damage to the Child
Talk to teachers and professionals who have been working in the field for the last 15 years. You will hear concerns on kids’ mental health similar to mine. Moreover, in the past 15 years, researchers have been releasing alarming statistics on a sharp and steady increase in kids’ mental illness, which is now reaching epidemic proportions:
• 1 in 5 children has mental health problems
• 37% increase in teen depression
• 200% increase in suicide rate in kids 10-14 years old (24% in other age groups)
How Much More Evidence Do We Need Before We Wake Up?
No, “increased diagnostics alone” is not the answer!
No, “they all are just born like this” is not the answer!
No, “it is all the school system’s fault” is not the answer!
Yes, as painful as it can be to admit, in many (not all) cases, WE, parents, are the answer to many of our kids’ struggles!
It is scientifically proven that the brain has the capacity to rewire itself through the environment. Unfortunately, with the digitally driven environment and parenting styles we’re providing to our children, we are rewiring their brains in the wrong direction and contributing to their challenges in everyday life.
Yes, there are and always have been children who are born with disabilities and despite their parents’ best efforts to provide them with a well-balanced environment and parenting, their children continue to struggle. These are NOT the children I am talking about here.
I am talking about many others whose challenges are greatly shaped by the environmental factors that parents, with their greatest intentions, provide to their children. As I have seen in my practice, the moment parents change their perspective on parenting, many of these children change.
The Emotionally Unhealthy Child
Today’s children are being deprived of the fundamentals of a healthy childhood, such as:
• Emotionally available parents
• Clearly defined limits and guidance
• Responsibilities
• Balanced nutrition and adequate sleep
• Creative play, social interaction, opportunities for unstructured times and boredom
Instead, children are being raised by:
• Digitally distracted parents
• Indulgent parents who let kids “rule the world”
• Sense of entitlement rather than responsibility
• Inadequate sleep and unbalanced nutrition
• Sedentary indoor lifestyle
• Endless media stimulation, technological babysitters, instant gratification, and absence of dull moments
Could anyone imagine that it is possible to raise a healthy generation in such an unhealthy environment? Of course not! There are no shortcuts to parenting, and we can’t trick human nature. As we see, the outcomes are devastating. Our children pay for the loss of well-balanced childhood with their emotional well-being.
How to Fix It?
If we want our children to grow into happy and healthy individuals, we have to wake up and go back to the basics. It is still possible! I know this because hundreds of my clients see positive changes in their kids’ emotional state within weeks (and in some cases, even days) of implementing these recommendations:
Set limits and remember that you are your child’s PARENT at this time, not a friend.
Offer kids well-balanced lifestyle filled with what a child NEEDS, not just what they WANT. Don’t be afraid to say “No!” to your child if what they want is not what they need.
• Provide nutritious food and limits snacks. Avoid toxic foods.
• Spend one hour a day in green space: biking, hiking, fishing, watching birds/insects.
• Have a daily technology-free family dinner.
• Play one board game a day. (List of family games) Allow for unstructured play.
• Involve your child in one or more chores a day (folding laundry, tidying up toys, hanging clothes, unpacking groceries, setting the table etc).
• Implement consistent sleep routine to ensure that your child gets lots of sleep in a technology-free bedroom.
Teach responsibility and independence. Don’t over-protect them from small failures. It trains them the skills needed to overcome greater life’s challenges.
• Don’t pack your child’s backpack, don’t carry her backpack, don’t bring to school his forgotten lunch box/agenda, and don’t peel a banana for a 5-year-old child. Teach your child the skills rather than do it for them.
Teach delayed gratification and provide opportunities for “boredom” as boredom is the time when creativity awakens:
• Don’t feel responsible for being your child’s entertainment crew.
• Do not use technology as a cure boredom for your child.
• Avoid using technology during meals, in cars, restaurants, malls. Use these moments as opportunities to train their brains to function under “boredom”.
• Help them create a “boredom first aid kit” with activity ideas for “I am bored” times.
Be emotionally available to connect with kids and teach them self-regulation and social skills:
• Turn off your phones until kids are in bed to avoid digital distraction.
• Become your child’s emotional coach. Teach them to recognize and deal with frustration and anger.
• Teach greeting, taking turns, sharing, empathy, table manners, conversation skills,
• Connect emotionally – Smile, hug, kiss, tickle, read, dance, jump, or crawl with your child.
Before It’s Too Late
We must make changes in our kids’ lives before this entire generation (and future generations) of children will be medicated! It is not too late yet, but soon it will be…
For anyone who questions this phenomenon, the Star News/ Canada article may be helpful: Demand for youth mental health services is exploding. How universities and business are scrambling to react. Victoria’s original article. Victoria holds a Master of Science in Occupational Therapy from the Medical School at University of Toronto and a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology and Health Science from York University. She is founder and director of a multidisciplinary clinic in Toronto, Canada, for children with behavioral, social, emotional and academic challenges. Victoria, along with her team, has helped hundreds of families across Canada and around the world and is a frequent guest speaker to teachers, parents and professionals
Top photo credit: donnierayjones via Visualhunt.com / CC BY
“Only be on your guard and diligently watch yourselves, so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen, and so that they do not slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and grandchildren.” ~Deut. 4:9
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Sammie
Amen
Mama Bear
Charlotte Moore
This is something to really give serious thought too. WOW!!!
Thanks for all the info you give your readers.
How are you doing?
Jacqueline
Hi, Charlotte!
I am doing pretty well, but have had severe hay fever and allergies due to the high pollen count here. I thought about you last week and prayed for you. Are you doing well? Wish you were my neighbor! 😀
Martha Chiok
Thank you, thank you, thank you! !! I’m so glad you’re feeling this way and expressing your thoughts. I still remember when I was 11 years old and enjoyed watching Sesame Street. And every word you said will be taking in consideration. It’s so true that we as parents have never been thought to be perfect nor even closed. However, thanks to your comments I feel some validation. I will talk to my hubby and definitely make some changes to our lifestyle.
Anna
This article addresses some serious concerns, but I am afraid it only offers circumstantial evidence and weak correlations at best. So many different things have changed in the past 50 years that it is hard to say definitely which factor is causing these problems without some serious investigation. It would be a fools errand to change certain things only to discover the cause of the problem was something else. This is something we should consider seriously as we get only one shot at raising our children right. Personally I would start by getting the most important things right–believing in Christ, abiding in his word and living in the truth, and teaching our children to do the same–if we do this we will be equipped to handle whatever environment the world throws at us, and we will be able to wisely discern and clean out the damaging environmental factors.
Karen
Hi Jacqueline,
My question has nothing to do with this post, but I can’t find the answer elsewhere on your blog and I wanted to ask you.
Anyway, I am still pretty new to trying to switch to organic, non-gmo food. I am planning to go to a U Pick strawberry place in a week or so and am now curious–are there non-gmo strawberry varieties? If so, do you know what they are or where I can look? I have done a fair amount of Internet research and have found websites that state that ALL strawberries are genetically modified, and others that state that NONE of them are, as GMO strawberries don’t exist. I don’t know where else to look or which info to believe.
I read your freezer-jam recipes earlier today and am really excited to make some “healthy” jam for my family…..but I’m kinda hung-up on this one part. I know that home-grown is best, and it is my desire to work towards that as time passes, but right now I have no plants of my own. So I am trying to find a reliable, cost-effective way to buy some berries.
Thank you for your help/input and for all the time you put into this blog. I have referred many friends to it, and I myself am blessed by it. I have learned a lot!
Leanne
Not sure where you live, but sometimes friends with an abundance of blackberry or raspberry bushes may let come dig up a plant or two to get you started. Never hurts to ask. If you happen to live in NH, you’re more than welcome to come to my house for some plants!
Karen
Leanne,
Thank you for your very generous offer! I live in the Midwest, but otherwise would accept!
Karen
Jacqueline
Hi, Karen! I did not know that all strawberry varieties were GMO. Especially when you consider that there are old variety plants for sale organically and then you can continue to grow them organically. It does take the right climate to grow them with a consistent bearing and productivity. I would like to recommend an other berry that is prolific and heavy bearing and NOT GMO. Check out everbearing raspberries knowing it can be EASILY grown in many climates, few pests, VERY healthy and anticancer, etc.: https://deeprootsathome.com/the-heritage-raspberry-patch/
God bless you in your search for truth, spiritually and healthy-living related! Keep your eyes on the Lord Jesus Christ and ask Him and He will lead and guide you in all wisdom! J
Also, I did some checking and there are organic, NON-GMO strawberry plants available in many places (selling old cultivars that could not have been tampered with since they have been here before GMO tampering existed) http://www.backyardberryplants.com/strawberries/ and https://www.groworganic.com/seascape-strawberry-plants-1-lb-approx-40-plants-qty-may-vary.html
Karen
Jacqueline,
It sounds like maybe not ALL strawberries are GMO (maybe NONE are, I don’t know!). It can be difficult to separate fact from fiction, especially on topics one knows little about!
The strawberry patches I can find around here are not organic, but the one I plan to go to is at least “minimally sprayed”. I can only do what I can do, and until I have the time/opportunity to start my own plants, this seems better than the “fully sprayed” type!
I will also take Leanne’s suggestion and see if anyone has plants they want to get rid of. That was a good idea.
Thank you again for your time, for sharing what you have learned, and for your encouragement, both spiritual and otherwise 🙂
By the way, if something is labeled “organic” does that mean it is also non-GMO, or not necessarily? Anyone know?
Blessings
Karen
Jacqueline
Karen, good question! If something is grown organically, it can’t be GM. The use of genetic engineering, or genetically modified organisms (GMOs), is prohibited in organic products. This means an organic farmer can’t plant GMO seeds, an organic cow can’t eat GMO alfalfa or corn, and an organic soup producer can’t use any GMO ingredients. To meet the USDA organic regulations, farmers and processors must show they aren’t using GMOs and that they are protecting their products from contact with prohibited substances, such as GMOs, from farm to table. Here is a good article: https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2013/05/17/organic-101-can-gmos-be-used-organic-products
I hope that helps! 😀
Romona
Is here a way for me to ask you a private question?
You can email me if you choose or a PM via FB.
Thanks.
Jacqueline
Can you ask it here, Romona? I would be happy to help if I can.
Leanne
I so agree with this!!!
Faith B.
Thank you for addressing this topic.It is enormously important!!
STEPHANIE ABBOTT
So true! I have 2 toddlers and know they are happier when they have lots of free play and play outside. Great article. Pinning. Thanks for sharing at our link party!
Amber Harrop
I worry about this as a sufferer of depression I know that I may have passed that down to my daughters and I watch them for signs and would get them help if they needed it
Leanna
You are so right. Children need to play and be involved in the world around them. They need to participate and sometimes be quiet, boredom is not a bad thing.
The need for constant stimulation really annoys me. I really enjoyed reading your well done article.
Nicole Mouchka
Your article is spot-on! Having worked as a school counselor in a public school for the past 19 years, I have seen firsthand the changes that have taken place. It’s scary to think about all the issues children face these days, and your suggestions for helping them to thrive are great!
Tiffany
I agree with you except for where you say that the school system is not at fault. The schools system has much culpability in this. I helped to found a small faith-based private school where we use no screens. A mother came to talk to me just the other day and told me that her third grader was spending 5 hours out of a 7 hour school day on screens at school. The screen time is bad enough, but schools are not careful about what students are being exposed to and what values are being taught in online platforms. Then, there is the school culture. Spend some time in a public school and tell me the environment isn’t toxic. Schools are a huge part of our mental health crisis.
Hon-a
This information would also be very good for adults to follow themselves, being outside, having down time, technology free time & everything else suggested for raising children. I fully agree with & appreciate this article. Fortunately, we raised our children this way & they are now raising their children this way. However, we see so many who don’t, & they are going to have difficult lives.
I, too, am a past Lyme sufferer, but my Lupus & so many other things are still with me. Feel free to email me to discuss this, as it is the easiest way to reach me, since I don’t use social media any more. I had saved this article for quite a while, & read it again today. Thank you!
Jacqueline
Hi, Hon-a! I will email you, friend! Thank you for your kind comment! Blessings, ~J
Jim & Catherine
That’s a very informative post that makes you see the harsh truth nowadays.
Celeste
Being a mother of four I do completely agree,I have seen the dangers of this technology driven parenting. Sadly we sometimes get in a cycle hard to break.
But we must do to save our own children and the new generations
Jacqueline
Celeste, have you done a media fast? Maybe this will give you some ideas: https://deeprootsathome.com/intervention-screentime-kids/
Blessings to you and your family,
Jacque
Janine
To combat “boredom” I went around my child’s playroom and game closet and wrote down everything. Then I cut the list up with each item on a small strip of paper and put it into a small box. Each day he would reach in, grab a strip and play with what he selected. I would play a few board games with him each day as well. If he
Janine
The rest of my comment was cut off! If he didn’t want to play with the toy anymore we gave it away. Thanks for your list of great ideas!
Jacqueline
Wow, Janine, THAT is a great idea!
I love knowing that there are still parents that are proactive to keep their children from getting caught up in materialism or having to be entertained every minute!
Thank you for sharing with us, because it might be something we all could do to defeat the tendency to boredom in our children (or even in ourselves)!
Sending peace,
Jacque
Linda Storm
It said I had to put in my email to get the PDF about ways to help boys but I’m already on your email list. How do I get this?
Jacqueline
Hi, Linda, I don’t know how to do that for you without going through my webmaster (and she is not as available as I’d like), but it is essentially these posts:
https://deeprootsathome.com/boys-think-and-process-differently-than-girls/
https://deeprootsathome.com/lengthen-attention-span-boys/
https://deeprootsathome.com/could-boys-be-suffering-from-brain-starvation/
I hope this helps, and I apologize!
Blessings,
Jacqueline