There are times in everyone’s life that it’s helpful to know if an offender is truly repentant. To know the true state of another’s heart. Is there godly sorrow and true repentance or worldly sorrow and temporary change?
When there is true, lasting repentance, restoration can occur as in Galatians 6:1.
In his helpful little book Church Discipline, Jonathan Leeman offers some guidance:
A few verses before Jesus’ instruction in Matthew 18 about church discipline, he provides us with help for determining whether an individual is characteristically repentant. Would the repentant person be willing to cut off a hand or tear out an eye rather than repeat the sin (Matt. 18:8-9)? That is to say, is he or she willing to do whatever it takes to fight against the sin? Repentant people, typically, are zealous about casting off their sin. That’s what God’s Spirit does inside of them. When this happens, one can expect to see a willingness to accept outside counsel. A willingness to inconvenience their schedules. A willingness to confess embarrassing things. A willingness to make financial sacrifices or lose friends or end relationships. (p. 72)
These are good indicators, and I believe we can add a few more.
12 Signs We Have A Genuinely Repentant Heart:
1. We name our sin as sin and do not spin it or excuse it or call it an “issue”, and further, we demonstrate “godly sorrow,” which is to say, a grief chiefly about the sin itself, not just a grief about being caught or having to deal with the consequences of sin.
2. We actually confessed before we were caught or the circumstantial consequences of our sin caught up with us.
3. If found out, we confess immediately or very soon after and “come clean,” rather than having to have the full truth pulled from us. Real repentance is typically accompanied by transparency.
4. We have a willingness and eagerness to make amends. We will do whatever it takes to make things right and to demonstrate we have changed.
5. We are patient with those we’ve hurt or victimized, spending as much time as is required listening to them without jumping to defend ourselves.
6. We are patient with those we’ve hurt or victimized as they process their hurt, and we don’t pressure them or “guilt” them into forgiving us.
7. We are willing to confess our sin even in the face of serious consequences (including undergoing church discipline, having to go to jail, or having a spouse leave us).
8. We may grieve the consequences of our sin but we do not bristle under them or resent them. We understand that sometimes our sin causes great damage to others that is not healed in the short term (or perhaps ever).
9. If our sin involves addiction or a pattern of behavior, we do not neglect to seek help with a counselor, a solid twelve-step program, or even a rehabilitation center.
10. We don’t resent accountability, pastoral rebuke, or church discipline.
11. We seek our comfort in the grace of God in Jesus Christ, not simply in being free of the consequences of our sin.
12. We are humble and teachable.
“See what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal…! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter.” [italics mine]
~ 2 Corinthians 7: 11
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” ~1 Corinthians 7:10
(Excerpt from Jared C. Wilson’s The Gospel Coalition)
What Will Keep Someone From Being Repentant?
Several years ago C.S. Lewis wrote a book entitled The Screwtape Letters. Screwtape was a master demon who wrote a series of letters to his nephew Wormwood, a demon in training.
Someone who had obviously read Lewis’s book had written another letter patterned after it. The letter begins:
Dear Harshwood,
I understand that you are about to graduate with honors and begin your work on earth. I’m glad that your training went so well. I would like to give you one piece of advice, one bit of devilish wisdom that I feel will be very useful to you as you begin your tour of duty on Earth.
One of the most important things I learned about humans during my time there was that they think very highly of themselves. For the most part, they consider themselves to be good, moral and upstanding people. The faults, the shortcomings and even the sins of others are very obvious to them. But when they look at themselves all they see is what they want to see, which of course are their good points. My advice to you, my dear Harshwood, is to encourage that kind of thinking. Encourage it for all its worth. Our Enemy wants them to see their sins as He sees them, so they will turn back to Him. But that’s the last thing we want.
I encourage you to blind their eyes, their hearts, and their souls to that revelation. Encourage them to think only of their good points and you, my dear friend Harshwood, will succeed in damning thousands of human beings to the fires of Hell. When Pastors and Evangelists preach about repentance convince them that there is no need for them to repent, that the pastor is really talking about the person sitting in the balcony or on the other side of the church. Convince them that they are in pretty good shape, that there is no need for them to repent, and then you’ll have them. For you see my dear Harshwood, when human beings start thinking about how good they are, they get filled with pride, and when that happens they are as good as ours.
Good luck on your tour of duty. My heart goes out to you as you use every trick, every scheme, every evil desire, every good intention, every proud thought to win souls for the god of this world, our Lord and Master, Satan himself.
Signed Your Devoted Teacher,
Twisttape
(Excerpted from Sermon Central illustrations)
“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.”
~Psalm 51: 10-12
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Charlotte Moore
Something everyone has had to do at sometime or the other.
BLESSINGS!!!
Jacqueline
Unfortunately, you are right, Charlotte :-/ Have a fantastic weekend, friend <3
Gail @ BibleLoveNotes.com
Great points in this Jacqueline.
Thanks for sharing this.
Nora
I love this! Thanks for reminding me we all need repentance. Love you!
JES
Hi Jacqueline, thank you for sharing this on the link up (for some reason, this post never got into my inbox?)… You have shared some very good points about TRUE repentance which is a painful subject for many…
The King David’s prayer (Psalm) you shared is one that is often in my heart as we all need constant cleansing… That adversary is very crafty! But I am so encouraged that HE can renew a right spirit within me!
Thank you for linking up with us last week on the Art of Home-Making Mondays as I know you are busy and it takes precious time… Sending a hug your way ~~
Jacqueline
JES, I’m glad to do it for YOU! Hugs!
Hannah
These are so true. It is also worth adding that ‘true repentance’ is often a state that God brings us to by the power of the Holy Spirit, and that it is not within our human power to pronounce judgement on the state id someone else’s heart- even using these symptoms as a guide. Something that helps me with my repentance is some advice from my dad: even if you are only 5% at fault, apologize 100% for it. This helps me focus on what is in fact my problem, and helps me uphold the Truth and my responsibility towards it, regardless of unjust or presumptuous authority, misunderstandings, plain mistakes, and even what someone helpfully termed ‘my baggage bumped into your baggage and both of our underwear got exploded across the airport.’ Using these signs as a guide is good, and using them to confront someone else is useful, but ultimately it is STILL God alone who can see the heart, and it is our job to walk in faith that secretly unrepentant or incompletely repentant or rotely repentant or uncomprehendingly repentant is brought through to full maturity by the power of prayer, patience, and humility.
Cathie
Jacqueline, this is such an important subject, and you have handled it with truth and grace. Thank you for the relevant information you always provide; it is obvious that you spend plenty of time in research and study! You are appreciated.
Jacqueline
Cathie, thank you! The content is really not my writing, but is from the helpful little book Church Discipline, by Jonathan Leeman, as mentioned in the post.
I am so thankful to be able to share it!
Blessings,
Jacque
Lyn
It seems the definition of ‘repentance’ is misunderstood. Yes, there’s godly sorrow, and there’s worldly sorrow. Godly sorrow means a heaviness that is godward, in other words, one realizes their wrongdoing is against God alone – ‘against You and You only have I sinned and done this evil in your sight’ – Psalm 51. That is what ‘godly sorrow’ looks like. Where did David’s brokenness come from, his own flesh or was it produced by God?
Worldly sorrow is found in Matthew 27: 3-Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, 4“I have sinned by betraying innocent blood,” he said.
“What is that to us?” they replied. “You bear the responsibility.”
5So Judas threw the silver into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself. the word repented here is ‘metamelomai’, meaning ‘to care afterwards, i.e. regret:—repent (self).’ from Strongs
Judas’ regretted what he’d done, but his ‘repentance’ was a work of his own flesh and not of being broken by God. 2 Samuel 12 tells of God sending Nathan the prophet to confront David over his sins, David’s sin was no longer deniable -And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the LORD. And Nathan said unto David, The LORD also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die.’
This godly sorrow was produced by God in David, a man after God’s own heart. Judas was never destined for mercy and forgiveness, he was a ‘vessel of wrath fitted for destruction’ per Romans 9, his sorrow was a guilt ridden confession that came from his sinful flesh, not produced by God. True ‘repentance’ is not so much about ceasing from sin, the Greek transliteration for repent is metanoeō, it’s made from two words, ‘meta’ and ‘noeō’, the definition of ‘noeo’ is ‘to exercise the mind (observe), i.e. (figuratively) to comprehend, heed:—consider, perceive, think, understand.’ Repentance is something that happens in the mind, the thinking/understanding that takes place. There is something that takes place in the mind, an understanding to grasp something being presented. In order for this understanding to take place, something has to happen in the mind of the hearer. This hidden, supernatural work to open the mind to receive what is being presented is a work of God, not man. This is what 2 Timothy 2:25 is saying, ‘in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if *God perhaps will grant them repentance*, so that ***they may know the truth***’. God is the one who ‘grants repentance’, the purpose of Him granting this newfound understanding within is so they may ‘know the truth’.
It is God who gives a ‘new heart’, as Ezekiel 36:26 states, ‘“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.’ Heart is defined as ‘mind, understanding’. The ‘heart of stone’ we all have, which signifies a mind closed to the ability to grasp spiritual truth, must be replaced with a heart of flesh, i.e., a mind that is able to comprehend/understand the truth of the word of the Lord.
Another excellent example of ‘repentance’ is the Apostle Paul –
For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit,rejoice in Christ Jesus, and having no confidence in the flesh, though I also might have confidence in the flesh. If anyone else thinks he may have confidence in the flesh, I more so: circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of the Hebrews; concerning the law, a Pharisee; concerning zeal, persecuting the church; concerning the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. – Phil. 3:3-11
What did Paul mean when he said ‘having no confidence in the flesh’? Prior to his God given repentance, Paul believed his ‘righteousness’ before God was based on his law keeping, stating he was ‘blameless’. Paul was a Pharisee, a follower of Judaism. He saw his persecution of Christ’s people as a form of godly zeal. Paul was not a believer in Jesus Christ while under the delusion of Judaism, a works based religion which worships a false god.
After God brought Paul to true repentance, Paul is now able to ‘see’, to understand his religious ways and practices are worthless. He suffers loss, meaning he loses, or sheds his religious baggage. This repentance from God leads Paul to ‘the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord’. You cannot know Christ apart from this repentance, this mind change that God must give you.
Paul gained Christ, he now understands righteousness before God does NOT come by what sinners do. It does not come by decision making, law keeping, or any method of false religion. It does not come by anything YOU SAY OR DO. Only God can give a mind of understanding, only God can save a sinner by His grace, through Christ. The flesh profits nothing.
Concerning sin in the believer, again David gives us the example in Psalm 51 – 1Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin.
3 ****For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
4Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight***—
That You may be found just [a]when You speak,
And blameless when You judge.
CONFESSION is key in the life of the believer, which is why John wrote -If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 There’s nothing in that text that states you must ‘repent of sin’, rather you ‘confess’ your trangressions to the One you have sinned against. I have heard so many so called ‘preachers’ say you have to repent of sin, cease from sinning, etc. This is a false teaching, your flesh simply cannot ‘repent’ of anything. Again, David is a good example, he sinned but never in his flesh did he think differently about his sins until God sent Nathan to him, until God worked in David the brokenness that led to confession. It’s all God’s work in His sheep, always. We cannot even put to death the deeds of the flesh by our own power, as Romans 8:13 states -‘For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if **by the Spirit** you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live’.
I have sat under so many false teachers over the years, organized religion is filled with them. Until God brought me to repentance, which led me to a knowledge of the truth, for it is the Spirit that teaches truth to the sheep-Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. John 16:13
Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. 1 Cor. 2:13
One more -But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him. 1 John 2:27
No pastor/preacher can lead a sinner to ‘repent’, this false teaching points the sinner to their own ‘dead works’ as Hebrews 6:1 says needs to be repented of.
I will close with 2 Timothy 2:25 –In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth’. The verb phrase ‘will give’ in in the active voice in the Greek, meaning the subject,in this case ‘God’, is the performer of the action-
Definition of “Active”voice-
Represents the subject as the doer or performer of the action.https://www.blueletterbible.org/kjv/2ti/2/1/t_conc_1127025
Jacqueline
Lyn, thank you so much for those additional verses! Powerful truths we can all learn from!
Blessings,
Jacque