I share this important post by homeschool mom Michelle Caskey (with her permission) because we both want to encourage and inspire you as you homeschool, or consider homeschooling, your boys.
I just finished reading some eye-opening books by Dr. Leonard Sax: Why Gender Matters and Adrift. I was amazed to learn that boys have many physical and mental differences from girls. These books include scientific evidence showing that they not only behave differently than girls, they also hear differently, see differently, think differently, and respond to stress differently.
The things boys can learn are very similar, but the way they go about learning is very different. Boys require a very different educational environment and teaching approach if we are going to help them reach their full potential.
This explains why former generations had separate schools for boys and girls. They weren’t as backward as we have been taught.
Boys SEE Differently
Males have more rods in their eyes versus cones. Rods help us to see distance and speed. Females have more cones than rods. Cones help us to see color and shape. Because of this difference, males tend to draw verbs with little color variation in their pictures while girls tend to draw nouns with lots of different colors.
When asked to draw a picture, Sally will draw a house with people and flowers and lots of pretty colors. Steve will draw a tornado which is knocking down a house – and his picture will look like a large black swirl.
Implications for teaching
- Do not expect boys to draw something recognizable or to draw something with lots of colors. When we find fault in this way, they begin to think that art is for girls and not for them.
- Allow them to draw verbs and to do it in a way that is fast and furious.
- Don’t hold eye contact with a boy unless you’re disciplining him.
Boys HEAR Differently
Baby girls can hear ten times better than boys, and this difference gets even worse as they get older. Boys can only hear every 3rd word or so of soft-spoken teachers. When they can’t hear what their teacher is saying, they tend to drift off – getting some boys the incorrect diagnosis of ADHD.
Boys also tend to make little noises wiggling and tapping pencils which are irritating to girls – but they don’t even realize they are making them.
Implications for teaching
- Speak more loudly with your sons than you normally would and be very expressive.
- Use lots of voice fluctuation and hand motions to engage them.
- While working with your son, sit down next to him, spread the materials out and look at them shoulder to shoulder.
Boys THINK Differently
We don’t know all of the differences in how boys and girls think but we now know that their brains are arranged differently. We’ve all heard that we use the left side of our brain for verbal activities and the right side for art. Actually, we now know that this is only true in males.
Males who have a stroke on the left side of their brain lose 80% of their verbal ability. The verbal ability in females who have a stroke on the left side of their brain is much less impacted, proving that their verbal ability is spread across both sides of their brain.
There are many other differences in how male and female brains are arranged. For more details, check out Dr. Sax’s books
Implications for teaching
- Book learning is essential; but, without practical, hands-on experience, boys will hard a hard time grasping concepts that seem simple to us. They will disengage from their lessons.
- Boys need real world experiences in their education which engage all of their senses. (But so do many women! I think of Wilbur Wright’s mother who taught him!)
- Boys also need plenty of time outdoors.
- Boys have a hard time processing their emotions. Don’t ask boys “How would you FEEL if…” questions. Ask them “What would you DO if…” questions.
- Boys like to have at least some control over their environments. Put each day’s schoolwork into a folder and let them decide the order in which they will complete it.
When studying literature, try these tips:
- Have boys draw maps based on clues in the book.
- Assign articles from the daily newspaper.
- Have them read books with strong male characters doing unpredictable things. Examples are My Side of the Mountain Trilogy, Where the Red Fern Grows, The Indian in the Cupboard, Treasure Island. Mark Twain, Ralph Moody, Jules Verne, and GA Henty write great adventure books for boys!
Boys SEE THEMSELVES differently
Girls tend to underestimate their own abilities. Boys tend to overestimate their own abilities. They also enjoy taking risks much more than do girls. The more a young man takes risks the more favorably they are seen by their peers.
Danger itself gives boys a pleasant feeling of exhilaration as opposed to the fearful feelings it causes in girls. Moderate stress also helps them to perform better as adrenaline causes more blood to flow to their brain. Stress has the opposite effect on girls.
Implications for teaching
- Boys respond well to a challenge if there are winners and losers.
- A competitive team format works better than individual competitions because they don’t want to let their teammates down.
- Participating in single-sex activities such as scouts or team sports are very good for your sons.
Craving Danger?
If your son seems to crave danger, take these necessary steps:
- Give them lessons with a professional (i.e., skiing) to help them to more accurately evaluate their own abilities.
- Supervise your child. Their risk is lower if they aren’t allowed to be alone with groups of peers because they will be less likely to try to “show off” for their friends if an adult is present.
- Assert your authority – don’t argue with your son. Don’t negotiate. Just do what you have to do (i.e., lock up their bike.)
Factors In His Environment
By the way, the optimum temperature for learning for boys is 69 degrees, while it is 74 degrees for girls. If you set the temperature so that it is comfortable for you, you may find your sons falls asleep or their minds wandering instead of focusing on their lessons.
If you have the opportunity to set up a single-sex learning environment for your children that works well. Try using different methods to teach your sons as opposed to the ones you use to teach your girls and you will be amazed at how your sons respond to your efforts!
Armed with this knowledge, we can set up more ideal learning environments where we can engage our sons and help them to reach their full potential. For more information, check out Dr. Sax’s books in the Parent Helps section of our bookstore.
Question: Were you aware of these differences? What changes have you adopted which have better helped your son to learn? Please comment below.
Hi, I’m Michelle. Being a mom to boys can be hard! Homeschooling boys can be even harder, but I’m here to tell you that having sons is a blessing – and it is possible to connect with them and to enjoy spending your days with them. My desire is that Homeschool-Your-Boys will be a place where parents can be inspired to teach their sons in an environment which will most engage their minds and their hearts.
Click on Michelle’s profile photo to go to Homeschool-Your-Boys! This insightful blog is a treasure trove!
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Renee
Thank you! This will be so helpful, in just a few short years!
Jacqueline
Haha, Renee!! Yes it will, my dear new Mama!! Yes, it will! So excited for your growing family!
Charlotte Moore
Very interesting!! I sent this to a few people. We had 2 boys and then 3 grandsons. Finally had a great granddaughter and boy what a difference. Ha!! Now we have another little girl.
Jacqueline
Charlotte, Hi, there dear friend!
It is fun to watch the little boys playing side by side. They are intent on what they are doing, but don’t interact much…the little girls, on the other hand, are chattering on and on 🙂 so cute, but SO different in so many ways! I am envious of you grandmas!! Maybe one day we’ll have some grand-babies to play with and read to!! I love snuggling 🙂
Blessings!
Anna
Hey I am so happy I found your web site. This is critical for us Moms to understand. It makes a lot of things come clear now.
I would just like to say thanks for a marvelous post and a all round enjoyable blog. Please do keep up the excellent job, dear lady.
Jennifer
Wow! This makes so much sense and has such good info. I feel armed with new tools as I’m planning and thinking about our new school year. Thanks!
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Tina at Mommynificent
This is a lot of food for thought. Thanks for sharing this at Booknificent Thursday this week.
Tina
Tina at Mommynificent
I read this a few months ago and am still thinking about it. Thanks for sharing it again at Booknificent Thursday!
Tina
Kelly @RaisingSamuels
As a homeschool Mom of two boys, this information is very helpful! Thank you sharing with #SocialButterflySunday this week! Hope you will link up again this Sunday 🙂
Danielle
I didn’t know so much of this! Thanks for the recommendation on those books! I’m going to get them! I really want my readers to know about this too! I want to share this in my weekly series called “Roll Out The Red Carpet Thursday” – I share bloggers’ amazing posts that I’ve found during the week. I hope that’ ok! Have a great night!
Jacqueline
Danielle,
That would be great! Thanks for sharing it, new friend!
Saira @ MomResource
Loved reading your post & I pinned it too. We’d love for you to share at Thursday’s Mom Blog Party!
Janet
Fascinating! I can tell I’m going to have to add a couple of books to my reading list. I might be going out on a limb here, but boys turn into men and my husband sounds a lot like these boys. Having said that, know that I have three sisters (no brothers), and a daughter (no sons). Oh, my poor, poor man! I’m glad I wandered over to your post at Sunday Stillness today.
Jacqueline
Well, Janet,
It is fascinating, I agree. Maybe the Lord has us (me included) learning these things so we can have better understanding of our men’s personalities. I am finally just beginning to understand my husband, and it has been 40+ years! Ha! God is using things like this to sanctify him and me both! Life is hard, but so rich! Blessings to you and may you be encouraged in the Lord!
Patty Raab
I was reading it to understand my man too. I reared 5 boys…wish I’d known this then.
Kathleen
Absolutely interesting. Thanks for sharing this on Fridays Blog Booster Party #20
Kathleen
Regina
I have a boy who is much more challenging to teach than my girl. Everyday is a new adventure & I tackle it with prayer! I love it though! Thanks for the tips!
Eva
I have two boys (and a girl), so I find this information super helpful! I will definitely get the books you mentioned too. I just recently read Raising Cain: protecting the emotional life of boys and Boys should be boys: 7 secrets of raising healthy sons and I found myself often thinking “REALLY?” Not having an experience of being a boy can be a disadvantage for moms but only, if they don’t make an effort to educate themselves on the subject. Thanks for your great posts and thank you for linking up with us @LearningKidLinkup. I will be pinning and sharing.
Jacqueline
Awesome! Thanks so much!
I loved raising our boys once I figured out some of the same things Michele listed 🙂
хуесоска мажарин антон
Great post.
Karen Del Tatto
When I homeschooled my children years ago, in preparation I read a book about learning styles which helped me immensely.
However, after reading this post, I did not realize that learning styles could be broken down even further between boys and girls. Having homeschooled both my son and daughter, that would have been helpful to know.
Thank you for sharing for all the parents who are actively homeschooling now. 🙂
Jacqueline
Karen, I didn’t know this when we homeschooled either…but we both made it through 🙂 It may have made a difference, but we needed even more to figure out why our youngest son had attention, behavioral, and focusing issues. This is what I found out and how his little body healed when we changed a few things: https://deeprootsathome.com/helping-kids-with-focus-sensory-or-behavioral-issues/
Thanks for the encouragement!
Brieana
Hello! This is great information but I was wondering if you could cite your sources?
Jacqueline
Brieana,
Michelle does a good job of that in the article. Dianne Craft is excellent. I have heard her speak and share resources several times and she is credible.
Deah =)
fascinating! Thanks for sharing your insight.
Tracy McDiarmid
OK..So, what if I’m a teacher of both BOYS and GIRLS? How can a teacher make it work for both?
Jacqueline
That is probably a question many are asking, Tracy! In our homeschool it was pretty doable (except the temperature in the room), but for many students of both sexes, you would just have to do the best you can and give individual care tailored as best you can to that student. If you ever figure it out, you could sell books!
Amber
Thank you, we have read adrift and it was a very informative book!. Glad to see you reference it here.
Jen Smith
After reading the article, this should be mandatory reading for all elementary school teachers if not all the ages. Some really really good info and explanations for it! Would love to see a similar article re: girls.
douglas starr
LOUANN BRIZENDINE MD
The Female Brain
The Male Brain
those two books explain how the male and female brains work
Shaedae
I just want to encourage all of you home schoolers! I was blessed to home school my son and daughter from pre-school through high school graduation. I have dyslexia, ADHD, OCD and clinical depression. Both of my children also have it all plus they are on the Autism spectrum.[which I know now, but didn’t then.] I also taught school. As a teacher and home schooling mom, I am firmly convinced that a parent’s worst efforts are superior to the school’s best efforts! Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Anyway, hang in there!
Jacqueline
Wow, Shaedae, that is really a great encouragement and I hope many see the truth in it! God is the great Overcomer, and will help any of us who call on His name! Even if we are in the situation of having to send children to a school and in the case of one dear single mother I know!. He is able to keep us from falling and to hold and keep us innany event! Warm hugs to you and thank you! ~J
Andrew
I want to add that some boys will have female brain and females can have male brains and they will work differently to their sex. Im that person (male) but im better with reading, talking, arts, colours. I’m worse in doing things and im driven by fear. Danger not motivates me.
Gwendolynn
Great article and very helpful. However, DO make eye contact with your sons. They need to feel bonded and connected.
Jacqueline
Gwendolynn, Yes, I do think that we need to know our sons… it would be based on the temperament and needs that vary with each child.. each his so unique!
Thank you for your comment!
Jacqueline
Bruce Friedman
When communicating instructions to a boy (or a man), USE LESS WORDS! Example: Good morning. Room – clean – NOW.
Do not use adverbs or adjectives or make any emotional pleas. These are wasted words and more often distract from the mission.
If there is some lapse in the cooperative spirit, make a brief reference to the word “privileges.” Revoke them immediately as required for motivation. Award them as promptly when cooperation is restored. Keep it simple.
Jacqueline
Bruce, I get that! Yes, that works, but it doesn’t seem very kind or genteel, but demanding. I suppose it depends on the tome and demeanor one uses when saying that. 😀
Thanks for adding to the conversation.
Blessings,
Jacque
Lisa
All of this information also solidifies the fact that boys not only need their Dad’s in the home, but also spending a great deal more time with them than they typically do. It also explains why so many men today, that were raised solely by females and feminists have grown into wimps and pansies and don’t know how to be a man. Not all are like that because there are definitely very good Mom’s that have done an incredible job all on their own, but far too many are. A good and present Dad is essential for a child to have the best possible chance.
Jacqueline
Lisa, YES, Amen and totally agree! ~J