Do you remember the song ‘Cats in the Cradle‘ by Harry Chapin? If you are a parent, I highly recommend it to you.
Music often opens our minds to deeper truths only felt with the heart. The words give a great perspective on parenting not easily communicated any other way!
American singer-songwriter Harry Chapin (1942-1981)
We played Harry Chapin’s thought-provoking 1974 folk rock song for our grown-up kids at lunch the other day. The stark reality of the words and the lyrical story is worth sharing here.
Find Harry Chapin’s lyrics and chords here.
Harry Chapin’s Perspective On Parenting
The son, in the song, doesn’t only represent the child. He also represents family as a whole. The father is too busy with work and doesn’t have the time to spend with his family. As the lyrics say “the cats in the cradle” – the family is at home – “and the silver spoon” which is a symbol of wealth the father has to earn.
The “little boy blue” is the child that is sad because his father is away, while the father is represented by “the man on the moon” – the one far away who is unreachable, idealized by the child who sees the father as his male role model.
What metaphor!
So what the listener thinks about is the balance of time spent with family/children vs. the time spent earning the money and gaining wealth. The father ultimately realizes that what he lived for was not as important as a relationship with his son.
This balance is a major problem each generation faces and the reason why we listeners feel so attached to this song.
When Harry Chapin sang those penetrating and painful words, I wonder if he had any idea just how much it would touch on what is happening in our lives and how relevant his song would be 42 years later.
I can’t speak to how our husbands parent, but I can encourage us women!
Our job is to pray for them.
Using discretion and by asking the Lord for wisdom, we can be a cheerful and wise facilitator without it making them feel like they are being pushed or managed. Wisdom and discretion are part of being a help-meet.
Oh, that the Lord would give me more and more of these qualities in marriage, parenting and in all of life!
It makes me think of this unusual scripture:
“Be wise as serpents—and harmless as doves.”~Matthew 10:16
Queen Esther, using both wisdom and gentleness, had great influence as a wife.
She could not make decisions independent of her husband, but she could and did influence him for good. She prayed, she fasted, and the Lord used her bold influence to save his people. Now, Ahasuerus was not a godly man, but he was a man who was blessed to have a godly wife.
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” ~1 Peter 3:1
While we can (hopefully) agree that our influence matters, what are we to do about it? The most important thing we can do is pray. So many times we pray for the Lord to do quick fixes throughout the day. I challenge you to pray thoughtfully, and using Scripture. The Lord promises to hear and answer our prayers.
I believe that if the Bible tells us to be submissive, loving wives, then it is His will for us. If it is His will for us, then I have confidence that He will answer your prayers for your marriage and parenting with a resounding “Yes!”
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” ~1 John 5: 14
Right along with prayer comes reading the Word of God. Read His Word looking for truth. Read His Word diligently and put into practice what it says. Commit the Word of the Lord to your heart. The Word is powerful and will encourage you in your life and marriage.
Lord, I surrender the parenting in our home to You. Help me to walk the way of love and kindness to my husband. I thank You for what he does do! Give me the wisdom and courage to be a joyful helper. Help me to know how to bless him with a thankful heart. Help him to grow to be the man you designed him to be! In the name of Jesus, Amen!
“A true wife makes a man’s life nobler, stronger, grander, by the omnipotence of her love, turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward. While she clings to him in holy confidence and loving dependence, she brings out in him whatever is noblest and richest in his being. She inspires him with courage and earnestness. She beautifies his life. She softens whatever is crude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood. While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path.” ~J. R. Miller
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Elisha
I have heard this song so many times this past summer and it reminded me that history repeats itself, but with prayer and perseverance we can raise Godly children. I am single and of course not a parent, but I look forward to the day that I can hold my own babies and teach them of my heavenly Father, the perfect parent.
Jacqueline
Dear Elisha,
It is music to my ears to hear that the Lord is raising up young women that are truly His and love His ways. Love that: He is the ‘perfect parent’!! I am blessed. Thank you for visiting!!
Roxy
Hello, I just wanted to encourage you! Your calling is very important, and I thank you for doing what needs to be done in this day in age. We have had the priveledge to be living in an amazing time before His return and seeing scripture coming to pass. My heart leaps as I read your older post and see the fruit of your labor.
When I was a very young lady I had the 45 record of this song, and I remember crying as I listened to it. (I still do)!
I never wanted my children to have to sing that song and to live those lost longings of a parent or DADDY not there.
There is such a longing that I hear and see in women that want to live their lives being Godly wives and mothers.
They need mentors!!
Merry Christmas, and Blessings, Roxy
Jacqueline
Oh, sweet Roxy!
Thank you for the kind words…it is my pleasure 🙂 I have those ‘lost longings’, too, and sometimes they surface and I can weep buckets. The hurt never leaves and the consequences of wrong choices don’t either. We can be willing to find love in all the wrong places… still we have a great God, and He makes all things new (we are His new creation!). I am so thankful God can use these things for His glory.
ChristyH
This has been very encouraging. Thank you
Jacqueline
Thank you for stopping by and blessing my day, Christy! To God be the glory 🙂
Janet
This song has always had special meaning to me. I am not from the Baby Boomers generation, but had a very hard-working father. He just wanted to “provide” – and provide he did. But I missed the time we could have spent together. I have great memories of vacations and hanging out at the shop with my parents. I take those wonderful memories and try to instill THOSE things into our lives. Time seems to flee quickly during parenthood. My oldest is now 10 and I am amazed that I blinked and an entire decade past! I am learning to cease every moment.
Lisa
So much truth in this song and post. Thank you, Jacqueline for sharing today. My heart breaks as my youngest two are growing up so quickly, yet the Papa’s job requires so many, many hours away from home. So hard to disciple a young man when the papa’s not around very much, and yet we know that God is faithful to allow us to accomplish what He has commanded us to do.
Resting in His perfect Will,
Lisa 🙂
Jacqueline
Ah, I hear you, Lisa,
It is not until recently that my husband has been able to pour so much into our young men, but the Lord has provided more time for him of late. I am thankful, but I’ve also had some adjusting to do with him home so much!!! Lol I just really need to be MUCH MORE thankful!! God is showing me that He answers my prayers and then I’m dragging my feet! I am so undeserving and still He blesses!
I will pray that the Lord makes a way for Papa in your family, too, in His timing… makes me think of “He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it…” May the Lord bless you. Thank you for sharing, sister. Grace and peace to you and your family…may you have a blessed CHRISTmas!
Gretchen
Oh I do have such a heart spot for this song. My mother used to sing it when we were children, I know every word by heart. My grandfather died when my father was young so he was raised by a single mother. My father was a work guy. On the road most of the week. She really raised us almost single parent style. I promised myself my children would not be raised the same way, and yet my poor husband, because of our job market works hours away and lives in a different city half the week to support us. The time truly does go by so fast. Thanks to our heavenly Father, though, we can always have that leadership in our home. Thanks so much for posting. I enjoy everything you write!
Blessings, Gretchen 🙂
Jacqueline
Gretchen,
I lift up my prayer for you tonight, dear one, and thank the Lord your husband can still be the leader in your home from afar. May he feel the love and admiration you have for him!! I am working alongside you to shower the same grace on my husband. We can be prayer partners in this!!
When we are weak, He is strong!! Thank you for sharing, sister. Grace and peace to you and your family…may you have a blessed CHRISTmas!
Candi May
Oh! If I had only read this yesterday! Thanks to Debi Pearl’s “Created to Be His Helpmeet” I began learning what being a wife really means.
Thank you for this post. I am a ‘mentor’ to so many other wives, but there is no one for me. Even the counselor needs to be counselled – and often!
When I was an administrator on a “Created to be His Helpmeet” facebook page (I have since closed my fb account), I posted these two following clips.
1) http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/do-you-intimidate-your-husband-1/
2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZACkRe_W4Gg
Jacqueline, I mainly just wanted to share with you how God used your post. I remember how humbling it was to hear how God used me back in my fb days. You and my Tabletalk devotion for today have brought conviction for yesterday, yet put me back on the path of renewed hope for today! Thank you!
Annie Kate
Yes, this seems to be a recurring theme. My father was busy in the evenings with church and more, but at least had meals with us.
My husband has been very busy, very stressed, and not very involved, and I think I made things worse by always trying to get him to do more, be more involved, etc. We must submit to our husbands. That means that we must accept the way they are even while trying to influence them.
I’ve reviewed a wonderfully encouraging, practical, and helpful book about this: http://anniekateshomeschoolreviews.com/2011/10/review-married-mom-solo-parent-by-carla-anne-coroy/
That post also contains links to other relevant books.
JES
Oh, how that song haunted me even as a teenager!!! There are so many truths in the words above. I pray they will be a blessing to others as they have definitely been to myself. Your choice of Scripture and example of Esther is perfect… Thank you, dear one!
Jacqueline
Jes, I am glad to ‘see’ you here! I have missed you and know you have been b.u.s.y!! Thank you for your kind words of encouragement 🙂
Kasey
I love that song but it had been years since I heard it. And I never considered it in the context in which your post illuminated it. Time is so fleeting and often even more so than we are prepared for! This message is so needed and you have a gift for reaching through the layers and touching on the heart of a matter! Love to you!!
Jacqueline
Aww.. Kasey,
Thank you for your kind words. I needed to post this for myself, too…as Mothers, we maybe don’t ‘see’ the time moving so fast…it scares me, but God is enough! Love back to YOU~
Tanya
So wonderfully put, Jacqueline… Praise the Lord who guides us as we seek to do His will.. Love you! xo
Jacqueline
Tanya, I’m so glad to see you here 🙂 Thank you for stopping by…blessings to you all this New Year!