Christmas is supposed to be the most joyous time of the year.
But sadly, the Christmas season comes with unrealistic expectations of endless bliss which are fed to us by retailers and the media.
Is it that we envision lovely and abundant decorations to put up in a magazine-worthy home, cheerful family members and guests gathered around a crystal and china-bedecked table laden with gourmet foods, and a roaring fire on the grate with the perfectly groomed hound asleep beside it?
Expectations
We’re told that everyone should have a Norman Rockwell Christmas or a Pinterest holiday filled with entertainment, a plethora of friends and amazing gifts.
Often we view it through childlike eyes, hoping to recapture the wonder and magic of past childhood memories.
This, of course, is usually impossible, a trap and a lie laid to deceive us.
We want to give our family the prettiest and most exciting Christmas ever, but we can become discontented and disillusioned with everything because it cannot match up to our built-up expectations.
Pinterest is only a symptom of underlying dissatisfaction with the gifts the Lord has provided. We collect groups of photos of truly beautiful (and often worthy) things in order to have a visual of our perfect shopping list.
We spin our wheels to obtain that rare ingredient or material to make some exotic dish or project taking our focus off of the precious souls already within our sphere.
No finger pointing here…I know, because I’m all too prone to this, especially since I need to post to Pinterest as a blogger!
Granted there is nothing inherently wrong with having and doing nice things, but they compete for our affections.
I find it so easy to forget Christ, our first love, and grow a heart of stone.
“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” ~James 4:1-3
Hard words, yes? We (I) can get irritable and stressed out when we have visions of what to do and things to buy in order to make our creations, but it doesn’t often go as we’d wish, and we spend more money than we should. That stress is the opposite of what we really desire ~ peace and calm, unity and joy.
Could expectations of our children being grateful and cheerful all the time or our husbands ‘doing’ certain things or ‘being’ a particular way puts pressure on them?
The reason for any striving is that we have taken our eyes off of Emmanuel, the Christ-child, come to earth to do the work the Father planned from before time.
Oh, Lord, that it were not so!
Whenever I take my focus off of Jesus, I look around for something to fill my self-centered heart.
The first thing I tend to want to fill it with is beautiful things. “Oh, how I love that fireplace, that rug, that lovely ambiance, or that comfortable chair and blanket.”
And the ads that appear right here are part of the problem even thought they help fund special needs children’s medical care. We are surrounded by marketing!
At the time, I expect it to satisfy me, but the expectations are NOT MET in the end and can be a slow fade to materialism ~ not only in us but in our children. We leave them a legacy of misplaced expectations, you see, breeding more and more discontent.
At best, the “Merry Christmas” we all are looking for will not likely be remembered the following week.
Instead, the rushing around and pains to get the ‘look’ just right will be the stressful memories that last.
Usually the anticipation far exceeds the reality!
Some of our most enduring memories are of simple read-aloud times, all gathered together and snuggled into jammies as the pages of a really good book are turned, no preparation needed.
Dinner can just be a little late!
We tried purposefully to lower our material expectations.
So pray about the whole family foregoing some of the fluff for things of substance and enduring value:
- Find a volunteer opportunity here
- Visit or take cookies to an elderly neighbor or make opportunities to visit a nursing home in your area
- Make Samaritan’s Purse shoeboxes as a family for Operation Christmas Child
- Volunteer at a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter for a day as a family
- Work with your church’s benevolence or care ministry to help a needy family and ask what they really need that fits your budget
- Adopt a serviceman or woman who has been injured or write to one.
- Minister to children of a prisoner in the name of Jesus through the Prison Fellowship Angel Tree Project.
Consider involving your children in your holiday projects as their age and abilities allow.
Ask for God for wisdom in how to build strong and enduring bonds. Make the time as pleasant as you can.
This will be a constant struggle throughout our lives. But with prayer and relying on the Lord’s strength, He will shape us into the radiant women He desires us to be.
This Christmas, let our hearts and minds be fully fixed on the Christ child and spread the joy that comes from knowing Him overflow to your husband, children, and neighbors.
Christ will NEVER disappoint.
He is all we will ever need.
“My soul, wait silently for God alone; my expectation is from Him.” ~Ps 62: 5
Mrs. Rebecca H.
Very well said, Mrs. Jacqueline! I have been pondering some thoughts along the same lines the last few days. I have always desired that our Christmas celebrations be wonderful and lovely, but not straying from the real reason we celebrate. We can become so wrapped up in “Christmas” that we turn it into an idol of sorts that has no roots or connection with Christ.
Thanks for sharing!
Lori
As I have grown older, the simpler our Christmas has become and I love it. I have fewer decorations, buy fewer presents, send out fewer cards, and enjoy it more. We all have some much. My very favorite thing is simply a family dinner around my table with good, nutritious food and lots of laughter. True joy!
Jamie
Jacqueline, thank you for posting this because the same thoughts have really been weighing on my heart lately. I always to try to make a wonderful Christmas for our family with a beautiful tree, decorations, and lots of gifts (way more than they need). However, money has been tight, especially this year since I gave up my income to home school the boys and we are excepting our third child in March. I am really trying to simply our Christmas and keep it focused on Christ. This really stared last year when my husband and the boys wanted to cut down a Spruce tree from our yard and use it as a Christmas tree. They made all the ornaments for the tree themselves. I will admit, at first the idea bothered me. It was a Charlie Brown looking tree, not the beautiful tree I try to create every Christmas, but it was so much fun doing it as a family and I believe we made so many memories that will last with the children last year. In fact, they want to do the same this year as well. I just came across the Jesse tree, so this year I think we are going to make our ornaments using the Jesse tree devotionals to really keep Christmas centered around Christ. We have also decided to limit the presents to three presents this year. I thought they would throw a fit about this, but they didn’t. I think I took it harder than they did! Instead, they put some thought into what they wanted and gave us a list of their three gifts they would like to have. I love the way the Lord is working in my life right now. We have been blessed in so many ways and when we de-clutter all of the materialism those blessing really stand out!
Cinnamon
I have just yet found you and have so enjoyed everything I have read here. What a blessing. So refreshing 🙂
Christmas…..I love Christmas. Keeping it simple *is* a fight against my own selfish desires at times for bigger and better. We love to read by candlelight or lantern, sipping hot cocoa, making homemade cards, dipping candy canes into our cocoa/tea and conversing over a simple breakfast. It truly is the simple things that my sweet children remember and which makes home a merry place to be.
Merry Christmas to you and your dear family!
~Cinnamon
Anne
I agree with your article. Our family will probably make Christmas very simple and give few gifts.
Homemade gifts or bake goods, possibly.
The most important thing for me is lifting the name of Jesus! Nothing else matters!
Candace Hendrick
What a beautiful post. So true in every way. It is true that it is easy to get lost in the marketing and high expectations of performance at Christmastime. Thank you for this reminder. I love the images you have posted as well. Beautiful article.
HomeINsteader
Lovely post! So eloquently expresses the desires of my own heart for this season of celebration! As I grow older, as my body ages and slows me down, with or without my consent, I seek to simplify these celebratory passages in life, while, at the same time, cherishing the memories of the past. Learned behaviors are difficult to give up when they have become our comfort zone, but one can always be retrained. I am in a season of “retraining” on the issue of how we will keep the season. Without the usual complaints of commercialism or hollow expressions of intent which may or may not ever come to be, I long to do little more than break bread with loved ones, give thanks in all things, find beauty for the day in His natural creation with no need for tinsel and lights…no tree to decorate and take down….to focus more on exchanging smiles, laughter, and encouragement than wrapped packages. That is my goal – to take time and focus energy toward simply focusing on and meditating upon the things that matter, with the people that matter, headed by the greatest gift of all, Y’eshua/Jesus Christ. Thank you for the inspiration.
Jacqueline
Dear ladies~
I have been feeling all day like I may have been too harsh or come across as judgmental, for the Holy Spirit will convict in His timing, and doesn’t need me! I truly value your insights and thank you for your kind words 🙂
For us it has been a year by year journey. We have swung from doing nothing except music/sweet fellowship/laughter/and reading and decorating the house with inexpensive but cheery decorations collected from years past( mostly homemade by the children when younger)… to a more typical Christmas with the stress of busyness. One year we went down to the Samaritan’s Purse headquarters for 2 days to be a part of packing up the Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes! That was very much a blessing to our whole family. It is the finding of a balance that we seek, and we trust the Lord is slowly revealing how we would take the season to His glory.
Grace and peace,
Jacqueline
Charlotte Moore
AMEN, AMEN!!!! So many have forgotten what this season is set aside to be. Even though we know JESUS was not born in December. HE is the LAMB so HE had to be born in the Spring. This has been celebrated in December for many years, but so many have lost the real reason for the season.
We will have our meal together but we are not doing gifts. I can’t tell you have wonderful not to be stressed at not knowing what to buy. When people have so much it is wrong to keep spending just to be spending. I have people in my family that spend enough for some people t live on for months. That is a shame.
Thanks for these words of truth. GOD BLESS!!!!
Jacqueline
Dear Charlotte,
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement in the truth. Thank you Father for your greatest gift of all, Jesus Christ/ Y’eshua.
Sending blessings your way, ‘long time’ friend :)…so good to hear from you!!
Bambi
Thank you for that timely word, sister! Christmas traditions can be such a struggle, at least, we struggle in our home 🙁 We too have swung from one ditch to the other. It’s all about moderation. Love you! And I didn’t think you were harsh at all 🙂
Chara @ Stitching Hearts Together
Thank you for sharing! And for those that need it thank you for the reminder and permission to do something different. 🙂 We’ve been simplifying many things and Christmas is one more thing to look at through different eyes. Eyes that see that we already have grace and peace and joy and the love of an everlasting God and his compassionate son Jesus! What more could we possibly need, nothing! We do choose to celebrate the season since we are family that LOVES to celebrate things- adventures, life, big and little, but we (I) try to keep this all in mind! BTW I love the Kincade print you chose! 🙂
Holly (@ Your Gardening Friend)
Oh, how true! The Lord constantly reminds me of how He should be my greatest passion in life. How quickly I let things, hobbies, stuff become idols in my life.
I’m trying to memorize more scripture, and Psalm 86 is my current goal. A couple verses jumped out at me so much so that I (mostly) started memorizing them first 🙂 , verses 5 and 15. These verses are so comforting to me, and remind me of what a truly awesome God I serve.
Psalm 86:5 &15
5) For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You. 15) But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.
There are SO many things I LOVE about these verses: He’s READY to forgive (just waiting for us to come to him); He’s FULL OF COMPASSION …
Thanks for the wonderful post, Jacqueline!
Janie Upchurch
I see that a principle that holds true in all of life. When we scurry and fret and even yell at others in the attempt to make things ideal, it is the scurrying and fretting and yelling that leave the lasting memories more than the near perfection of the event.
Petra : )
Thank you for voicing these thoughts about Christmas. The saying “it’s the thought that counts” is so true. When we are more focused on Christ than anything else, I believe we become reflections of His love and joy to those we’re around. And nothing else is so valuable then giving glory to God through service and friendship with others.
I love beautiful things and comfortable homes! But as I grow older, God is teaching me that the heart matters most. And I can touch others anywhere at all despite material possessions. May God bless you and your sweet family! Sending love your way.
Jacqueline
Petra,
I wrap my arms around you and give you a big virtual hug! I hope all’s well with you and that your new car is performing perfectly. I pray for safety for our young people when they are out on the road, and I will pray for you as well!! Thank you for blessing me with your sweet words and comments! Continue being that salt and light 🙂
Petra : )
Thank you so very much for your warmth and prayers which are felt and appreciated. 🙂 I keep you in mine as well. I will continue in my efforts. The little car is doing quite well…a beater, yes, but a blessing! Good night for now!
Tammy
What great timing for me. Coworkers and I were discussing this. In fact, one woman said “you mothers carry guilt about Christmas and family”. Further questioning revealed that her partner doesn’t like Christmas because of the stress with her kids and such; yet my coworker who has no children of her own “loves Christmas” (her words). I answered to them (all those who do not enjoy Christmas) “You need to remember why we celebrate and teach your children about it.”
Some women gave excuses (imo) about why they couldn’t do that, why that doesn’t work, etc. I held firm because it really annoys me that *we* put so much pressure on ourselves to compete(?) to be the best, or live up to what we imagine (as you so eloquently wrote!). After surviving post partum depression through Christmas, you really evaluate what is actually important about Christmas.
It is not easy in today’s world, especially if our children are influenced by outside sources, like mine are (we don’t homeschool…). But, I pray for strength and the right words to teach them about what is actually important. My children will remember the lovely memories, not the lack or excess of gifts. They will remember my mood and feelings about Christmas. I want those memories to be good ones!
Jacqueline
Tammy,
God’s timing is everything! I pray your words to your co-workers are powerful in their ears and that they see the Truth of Jesus. It sound like you came out of the postpartum depression stronger in the Lord 🙂 May the grace and joy of the Lord fill our homes this Christmas and all year long! Blessings!
Jacqueline
Dee
I agree with Bambi. You weren’t harsh at all! Thank you for sharing what you have learned on your journey. If we listen to the media and if we are taken in by the glitter around us, we can overlook the true significance of the season. And it is SO easy to be taken in! However, the “perfect” celebration can be the most hollow. I know that has been my experience. Have a joyous Christmas!
Dee/NY
Nancy @ Pilgrim Wanderings
So much truth here. I really need to be intentional about where my focus lies this year, as well. It’s so easy to get distracted with all the busyness.
Paula
Exactly what I was saying a year ago when I wrote the blog post :A Norman Rockwell Christmas!