In her 87 years, Ruth Graham gave us some tremendous marriage lessons. She took it as her calling to nurture and keep her whole family happy, especially Billy.
We all know that young adults make many of their most life-altering decisions before age 30, and yet in recent years the role models, those to whom they turn for direction about living life to its fullest, are current sports figures or celebrities than wise elders. Some say the fault lies at the feet of elders who decide to carry on in permanent youth rather than become a role model or pass along their accumulated wisdom.
Ruth Graham, who died in 2007, fully embraced her role and ultimately left us 14 books
to pass along the life lessons she gleaned throughout her full life. But the most important lessons that we can learn from Ruth Graham come from the example of her marriage to one of the world’s most famous men.
Marriage Lessons
The most pivotal decision that Ruth Bell made was to marry Billy Graham, whom she met while a student at Wheaton College. Her decision was made with “open eyes” and most of her internal wrestling went on before becoming engaged to Billy. She had always planned to be as she put it, “an old-maid missionary.” When she finally made up her mind to marry Billy, she never looked back. Her idea, willingly decided, was to simply slip “into the background.”
“If I marry: He must be so tall that when he is on his knees, as one has said he reaches all the way to heaven. His shoulders must be broad enough to bear the burden of a family. His lips must be strong enough to smile, firm enough to say no, and tender enough to kiss. Love must be so deep that it takes its stand in Christ and so wide that it takes the whole lost world in. He must be active enough to save souls. He must be big enough to be gentle and great enough to be thoughtful. His arms must be strong enough to carry a little child.” ~Ruth Bell
It’s not unusual today for couples to still be unsure as they walk down the aisle on their wedding day. Such a life-changing decision should be made with eyes wide open. One or both of them enter marriage thinking that they will change the things about their mate they don’t like, yet, neither will likely change. Ruth Graham modeled the seriousness of one’s facing reality, for “better or worse.”
People who knew her talk about her vitality, her joy, and her mischievousness. Ruth and her effervescent personality chose to stay in the background, but she did not live in her husband’s shadow. She raised their five children almost single-handedly, yet she did not complain or slip into bitterness over her lot in life. She chose to stay busy and to develop a ministry of her own. Since her death, numerous stories have been told about her work among individuals in the small community of Montreat, N.C. where she lived during all the six decades of her marriage. All of her children report that she used Billy’s absences to do the things that she believed God had called her to do, and she did those things with a joyful heart.
The support of her church family was undoubtedly a factor in her being able to carry her burdens with indefatigable energy and a ready smile.
Perhaps one of her best marriage lessons, though, was when she told her daughters that their responsibility toward their husbands was not to “make them good,” but to “keep them happy.”
It truly became her calling to nurture and keep her whole family happy, most especially Billy. In a life full of wonderful accomplishments, keeping her husband happy and thus well-equipped emotionally for the demands of ministry – along with helping to insulate him from many of the temptations that went with his fame – numbers as one of her greatest achievements.
“I pity the married couple who expect too much from one another. It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be: ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain. The same goes for the man who expects too much from his wife.” ~Ruth Bell Graham
“If our children have the background of a godly, happy home and this unshakable faith that the Bible is indeed the Word of God, they will have a foundation that the forces of hell cannot shake.” ~Ruth Bell Graham
“It’s my job to love and respect Billy; it’s God’s job to make him good. God called you not to make your husband good, but to make him happy.” ~Ruth Bell Graham
“It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be: always ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain.” ~RBG
“As I grew older I realized that my parent’s love for one another was deeper than just the look in their eyes each time one of them came into the room. Their love was based on more than their physical and emotional attraction. It was based on solid, uncompromising commitment—first to Jesus Christ, second to the institution of marriage, and then commitment to each other.” ~Gigi Graham Tchividjian, daughter
“My mother taught me by her example that Jesus is everything. He was the wellspring of her love and joy and peace that overflowed into our home. His presence was enough to ease the pain of her loneliness without Daddy. His power was enough to get her through the day, for all practical purposes, as a single parent. I have no doubt that the reason I love Jesus and I love my Bible is because she did… she planted those seeds in my heart long ago.” ~Anne Graham Lotz, daughter
Lori Alexander
I loved every quote from above! Ruth Graham Bell was an amazing woman of God who we all can learn from. I remember her saying she wanted all of her children under her roof so she didn’t allow sleep overs. Because of her, we didn’t allow sleep overs either. I loved her wisdom.
Jacqueline
I learned so much from her, too. No sleep overs for us, either, Lori! Wise woman!
Carol
The quotes are rich with meaning and wisdom. Ruth Bell Graham set a beautiful example as wife and mother.
Crystal @ Serving Joyfully
Thanks for hosting, so glad I could finally link up again 🙂 Love all those great quotes! I love learning from the amazing Christian women who have gone before us! I don’t have a lot of Titus 2 women in real life, but I can learn from those who have/are leaving legacies for us today.
momstheword
Wow, awesome quotes. I loved every one! I was with a group of women tonight and we were actually talking about expectations that we put upon our husbands, and essentially expecting them to “fulfill” us, etc. Thanks for hosting today!
Jacqueline
The Lord knows just what we need to hear! Ruth B. Graham is still relevant, yes?
Elizabeth Ours
Loved the quotes from Ruth Bell Graham! Recently pulled a few old books by Mrs. Graham from my Mom’s bookshelves, which I hope to find time to read. She was a very wise and godly woman, and we can learn much from her .
Jacqueline
Ooh, you have books on hand by her!! What a blessing 🙂 We have one for children about a boy lost in the hills and hollars in Winter and kept safe by an older woman who pours truth into him. Very sweet!
Judith at WholeHearted Home
What a beautiful picture of the Grahams. All the quotes were so encouraging. I liked the first one best. Thanks for hosting today, Jacqueline. Have a blessed day!!
Jacqueline
Judith, I’ll be over to link up soon 🙂 Thank you, dearie!
Mrs. White
I love the picture and quotes from the Grahams. They were an incredible example of a godly marriage and home!
Their Son Franklin was very difficult growing up. Ruth’s patience and wisdom in raising him, praying for him, and humorously dealing with his problems is amazing. He turned out to be a faithful, godly man. Her mothering example is one we need to learn from!
But, oh, their marraige example is incredible! Wonderful people!
Jacqueline
Yes, I (we) can learn so much from these wonderful women of God. That is one of the reasons I write this blog…to keep these things in front of my eyes! Blessings, Mrs. White 🙂
[email protected]
What wisdom! Love all the encouragement that you share here. Thank you for hosting another link-up. I am sharing a grain-free salmon cake recipe that is freezer friendly #67.
Jacqueline
Yum!! We love wild salmon and often make salmon patties in the colder months! Thank you 🙂
Annie Kate
Love the Ruth Graham quote about her job being to make Billy happy and God’s job being to make him good! Thanks for collecting all these inspiring quotes.
It’s good to be back at my computer reading your blog. 🙂
Jacqueline
I have missed you, Annie Kate! I think of (and pray for) you often, old friend!
Modern Homesteaders
Hello and thank you so much for hosting! Love reading the articles here! Please come on by the homestead. We have the homesteaders Hop every single Sunday through Tuesday! I would really love to see you there!
http://www.modernhomesteaders.net
Jacqueline
I will try to do that and get you listed in my sidebar 🙂 Thanks for the invitation.
Gail
Thanks for sharing these quotes from Ruth Graham and her daughter. They really are “keepers”–quotes to file somewhere and take out and look over to get a good mind set. I especially identified with ‘Make the least of all that goes and the most of all that comes.’ When my husband was in the military, he spent many months each year in the field and later did lots of traveling with research and development. I had to say good-bye many times, but the hellos were always sweeter for the good-byes.
thanks also for the link party each week, Jacqueline.
Jacqueline
Gail, You both have done your share of traveling, yes? I wondered if you are traveling much less these days…
Hannah J @ Dreaming of Perfect
So many good posts were linked up this week! I spent a lot of time reading them all. Great encouragement for me as a young wife and mom. Thanks so much!
This Woman Writes -- Carolyn Henderson
Thank you for hosting. I am number 147 this week — Encourage Your Child to Read. Some kids don’t like to read, but we as parents can unlock this world of wonder for them by this simple, easy, fun evening activity.
And 148 — Yukon Gold “French Fries” — I like cheap, easy, nutritious and delicious. That’s what these are.
And 149 — How to Not Evangelize. The message of Christ is an important one, but you wouldn’t think so by the way that many of us have been attacked by it. It’s worth taking time to thoughtfully see how we can best tell others about Christ’s hope, love, and acceptance.
Nicole
Those are good quotes. I especially like the one, “‘Make the least of all that goes and the most of all that comes.’ I will try to remember to share that one with my husband as we might could apply it to some things “going” about now!
Heather Anderson
I loved these quotes. They are profoundly true. Thank you for sharing them.
Hilary
Hi Ms. Jacqueline!
Thank you again for another encouraging post. My husband has always travelled a lot, usually weeks at a time. (Always for mission work.) I have always felt that my job is to primarily “stay with the stuff” as David’s men did. I pray that my children have the same testimony of me and our home when they look back on their childhoods as Mrs. Graham’s daughter has of her. Thank you for sharing – again.
Blessings, Hilary at http://www.wholesomereads.com
Ann
Thanks for hosting the link up. I enjoyed the quotes. I did not have a good example of a healthy marriage. My parents were divorced. So I look to women of faith and follow their examples.
Ann
Gail thomas
Im so glad I found your Blog! I am just starting out in Blog world..Love the peaceful wisdom of Ruth! Thank you for sharing it! I will be back on here on a regular basis!
Gail