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    Realities Of Being Stuck In The ‘Not Ready To Get Married’ Culture

    3.8KViews Modified: Mar 18, 2021 · Published: Jan 20, 2018
    By Jacqueline 8 Comments

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    Realities Of Being Stuck In The Not Ready To Get Married Culture. wedding rings

    In every age, people say and believe things that aren’t true but somehow become accepted as “conventional wisdom.”

    [A provocative post by Dennis Prager]

    The statement “I’m not ready to get married” is a current example. Said by more and more Americans between the ages of 21 and 40 (and some who are older than that), it usually qualifies as both meaningless and untrue. And it is one reason a smaller percentage of Americans are marrying than ever before.

    So, here’s a truth that young Americans need to hear:

     

    Rising To the Occasion

    Most people become “ready to get married” when they get married. Throughout history most people got married at a much younger age than people today. They were hardly “ready.” They got married because society and/or their religion expected them to. And then, once married, people tended to rise to the occasion.

    The same holds true for becoming a parent. Very few people are “ready” to become a parent. They become ready … once they become a parent. In fact, the same holds true for any difficult job. What new lawyer was “ready” to take on his or her first clients? What new teacher, policeman, firefighter is “ready?”

    You get ready to do something by doing it. 

    In addition, at least two bad things happen the longer you wait to get “ready” to be married.

    One is that, if you are a woman, the number of quality single men declines. Among deniers of unpleasant realities — people known as progressives, leftists, and feminists — this truth is denied and labelled “sexist.” But, as Susan Patton, a Princeton graduate, wrote in an article titled “Advice for the young women of Princeton,” published in Princeton’s student newspaper: “Find a husband on campus before you graduate. … From a sheer numbers perspective, the odds will never be as good to be surrounded by all of these extraordinary men.”

     

    ‘Not Ready’ To Get Married

    The other bad thing that happens when people wait until they are “ready” to get married is that they often end up waiting longer and longer. After a certain point, being single becomes the norm and the thought of marrying becomes less, not more, appealing. So over time you can actually become less “ready” to get married.

    And one more thing: If you’re 25 and not ready to commit to another person, in most cases — even if you are a kind person, and a responsible worker or serious student — “ I’m not ready to get married ” means “I’m not ready to stop being preoccupied with myself,” or to put it as directly as possible, “I’m not ready to grow up.” (No job on earth makes you grow up like getting married does.)

    People didn’t get married in the past only because they fell in love. And people can fall in love and not marry — as happens frequently today. People married because it was a primary societal value. People understood that it was better for society and for the vast majority of its members that as many individuals as possible commit to someone and take care of that person. Among other things, when people stop taking care of one another, the state usually ends up doing so. Just compare the percentage of single people receiving welfare versus the percentage of married people.

    Nor is the argument that the older people are when they marry, the less likely they are to divorce. This only applies in any significant way to those who marry as teenagers versus those who marry later. Moreover, the latest data are that those who marry in their early 30s are more likely to divorce than those who get married in their late 20s.

     

    Economics

    And then there is the economic argument. Many single men, for example, say they are not ready to get married because they don’t have the income they would like to have prior to getting married. As responsible as this may sound, however, this is not a particularly rational argument. Why is marrying while at a low income a bad idea? In fact, marriage may be the best way to increase one’s income. Men’s income rises after marriage. They have less time to waste, and someone to help support — two spurs to hard work and ambition, not to mention that most employers prefer men who are married.

    And can’t two people live on less money than each would need if they lived on their own, paying for two apartments?

    Someone To Come Home To

    In addition to economic benefits, the vast majority of human beings do better when they have someone to come home to, someone to care for, and someone to care for them. And, no matter how much feminists and other progressives deny it, children do best when raised by a married couple.

    There are, most certainly, superb single parents. But every superb single parent I have ever spoken to wishes they had had a spouse with whom to raise their children.

    Throughout history, and in every society, people married not when they were “ready” to marry, but when they reached marriageable age and were expected to assume adult responsibilities.

     

    Finally, this statement reflects another negative trend in society — that of people being guided by feelings rather than by standards or obligations. We live in an Age of Feelings. Aside from the rational and moral problems that derive from being guided by feelings rather than by reason and values, there is one other problem.

    In life, behavior shapes feelings.

    Act happy, you’ll feel happy.

    Act single, you’ll feel single.

    Act married, you’ll feel married.

    Do it, in other words. Then you’ll be “ready.”

    *********

    5 Biblical Balancing Cautions to Getting Married…

    …to guide you on the way to your wedding day. (source)

    • Put the pressure on God, and not yourself.

    If you’re mainly looking to yourself to get married, you’ve put the pressure in the wrong place. Lean on God while you wait and date. God not only joins a husband and a wife (Matthew 19:6), but he brings them to each other.

    • Pursue him or her with an open hand.

    In all relationships, we must be able to humbly pray, “Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done” (Luke 22:42). Until you say vows at the altar, know that God may write a different wedding story than you would write for yourself. And with all of his wisdom, power, and love, we have reason to praise him that he does.

     
    • Pray, and pray, and pray.

    If we desire a husband or wife, we should love casting our anxiety and longing on the one who cares for us (1 Peter 5:7; Philippians 4:6–7). Don’t start dating without praying, and don’t stop praying while you’re waiting.

    • Date for more than marriage.

    If you’re single and want to be married, marriage can begin to feel like your own long-awaited promised land. Said another way, we’re prone to idolize marriage in dating, resting our hope and happiness on him or her rather than on God.

    If your dating — any given night out or a decade of trying — ends in marriage and not worship, it will be empty and unsatisfying. Date for more than marriage.

    • Look to loved ones for confirmation.

    Don’t rely only on your own instincts (or your significant other’s) to give you confidence he or she is the one. Infatuation in dating relationships will blind and deafen you to things you would never miss in other relationships. Trust God enough to listen to other believers in your life.

    ********

    Dennis Prager is a nationally syndicated radio talk-show host and columnist. He is the founder of Prager University.

    Do you know about Prager University? It’s a “university” on the Internet with a unique feature – all the FREE courses are five minutes long! The PragerU Educators Program is a network that includes thousands of professors and teachers who show PragerU videos to their students and/or use our curriculum as a teaching supplement in the classroom. They take the best ideas from the best minds and distill them into five, focused minutes.

    Realities Of Being Stuck In The Not Ready To Get Married Culture. wedding bands
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    Hi! I’m Jacqueline!

    Thanks for being part of this journey with me.
    Welcome to my own little place on the internet! Home is where I love to be. I feel there is no greater place to incubate souls. These days you’ll find me using my experiences here to write about herbal remedies and natural health research — a big passion of mine. But being a wife and mother is not easy. It is challenging and potentially lonely. I get that. I wanted to create a place to connect with and support other moms for creating a natural, healthy, and fulfilling home life.
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    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. Laura Jeanne

      January 20, 2016 at 8:45 am

      I like Dennis Prager and I agree with this post. I think it’s a serious detriment to the strength of our society that so many people wait until an advanced age to get married, and have few children or none at all. Cohesive families are the strength of any society.

      However – I think this talk would benefit from a word of warning. It is possible to rush into marriage because you simply want to be married, and do so with the wrong person. Trust me, a lifetime of pain awaits you if you chose unwisely. There are many, many individuals out there who are too self-centered or immature to ever be a good mate. Getting married itself does not necessarily force a person to grow up. Some people will remain in the mindset of a spoiled 6 year old even when their hair is getting silver…don’t bind yourself forever to one of these. Choose carefully!

      Reply
      • Jacqueline

        January 20, 2016 at 2:11 pm

        Yes! I wondered about posting this without a caveat! You just provided it, Laura. Best thing anyone can do is to seek the Lord first!
        Thank you, friend!

        Reply
    2. Lady Virtue

      January 20, 2016 at 9:59 am

      This is a good post; I recall reading this elsewhere on the web. People most commonly make excuses about not being ready to get married, I believe, because of selfishness and short-sightedness. The Bible warns that people would be lovers of themselves in the perilous times of these last days. Many have no fear of God before their eyes and think nothing of living in sin, fornicating, having babies out of wedlock with multiple people, etc.

      I believe that if a couple marries in the Lord, and executes the respective roles of a husband and a wife, as given in the Bible, that they will grow in sanctification (forbearance, longsuffering, forgiveness, humility, etc.) with each other and become more like Jesus Christ. “Readiness” comes from obeying and trusting God. It’s a sad commentary that people are marrying later, clinging to a me-first adolescent life in their 30s, 40s, 50s, etc.

      Reply
    3. Roxy

      January 24, 2016 at 4:59 pm

      Hello, I can say that I have gone to very few weddings in the last 10 years! So many are getting married in their their thirties or not at all and just living together, and some of them claim to be Christians and it makes me sad! But I think getting married right out of high school is still a good idea! I guess we are all just very selfish and we want to take care of number UNO
      Blessings, Roxy

      Reply
    4. Aimee

      June 23, 2020 at 4:36 pm

      I’m in my late 20s and I would like to get married. I’ve dated 2 men, but I never had a deep seated peace about marrying either one of them. That and my family and friends never fully approved of either one of them. This post did remind me that I need to pray more about this area in my life. Despite my wanting to be a wife and mother, I do love my life as a single woman. But Mr. Prager is right about options becoming more and more scarce. It also doesn’t help that I’m a teacher and most of my colleagues are women. 😛

      Reply
      • Jacqueline

        June 23, 2020 at 9:02 pm

        Aimee, your insight is so valuable.
        Things in the realm of romance and marriage have changed radically in the last 70 years, yes?. I love that you are reminded to pray about this part of your life! May the Lord guide and lead you perfectly as you seek him in this! I am praying right now for you, too! I trust He will close doors (as he apparently did with the other 2), and open a door if it is His will. That is how I often pray when I need wisdom and am undecided or hesitant. I need a billboard sometimes, and the closed door/ open door prayer is so helpful. We can trust His heart for us!
        Blessings, ~Jacqueline

        Reply
        • Aimee

          July 09, 2020 at 2:01 pm

          Things really have changed! Even how things were done 15-20 years ago where I’d observe my then young older aunts and uncles dating seems so different and needlessly difficult. Thank you for praying for me, Mrs. Jacqueline!

          Reply
          • Jacqueline

            July 09, 2020 at 11:30 pm

            Aimee, I will continue to pray! Hang in there! <3

            Reply

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