[Christian girls today need courage to stand for true beauty and not slip into some worldly, counterfeit version of it. I share this post by Kristen Clark at Girl Defined (with her permission) to embolden and inspire young women (and women of all ages) to do just that.]
Several months ago I wrote a controversial blog post that went viral and picked up a lot of positive and negative attention. It currently has over 730 comments and has reached over a million people. It’s called “Why Christian Girls Post Seductive Selfies.” If you’re interested, you can read it here.
My main point was to bring up the question of why so many Christian girls post provocative, sensual and seductive selfies online. I challenged Christian girls to reevaluate their online images and ask themselves if what they’re posting is honoring to God.
After reading through several hundred of the comments I began noticing a theme.
People were making comments like:
“Christian girls can post whatever images they want if it makes them feel ‘beautiful.’”
“Stop bashing girls by making them feel guilty for just wanting to look “pretty.’”
“Being beautiful and seductive is the same thing and there’s nothing wrong with it.”
I was surprised by these types of comments and quickly realized that the terms “beautiful” and “seductive” were being viewed as the same thing.
A lot of people seemed to view sexy/seductive selfies as a beautiful thing too.
It’s been several months since I wrote that post and I’m still convinced that there’s nothing holy, pure or God-honoring about posting seductive selfies online. Christian Girls Retrained To See Seductiveness And Beauty As The Same Thing
According to God’s Word, beauty and seduction are two totally different things.
Let’s compare the two.
Seduction.
I’m convinced that our pop culture is the main reason many Christians are interchanging the words beauty and seduction. Companies like Hollister, Victoria’s Secret and many others are reshaping our thinking to view seductiveness as something beautiful to behold.
Our culture encourages young single women to be “sexy and proud of it.”
Instead of being shocked and appalled by the half-naked women plastered on magazine covers and posters we are being retrained to view them as “beautiful.” Sure, the woman herself might be good looking, but according to God’s Word there’s nothing beautiful about posing seductively and displaying intimate body parts for everyone to see.
Even if a girl is fully dressed she can still have a seductive heart which will be displayed on her face. Come on girls – we’ve all been guilty of this! We know exactly what we’re doing when we raise one eyebrow, slightly separate the duck lips, and stare hard into the camera. There’s a reason we’re not smiling and looking joyful.
We’re trying to look sexy and hot.
Under the banner of “trying to look beautiful” Christian girls are mimicking seductive poses and are being praised by their friends for looking so “pretty.” See the problem here?
A young woman emailed me recently after reading my post about Seductive Selfies and said, “I don’t want to be seductive in my pictures…but every time I post a “hot” looking photo I get tons of likes and comments. If I post a regular photo with little makeup on, I hardly get any responses. I am struggling to do the right thing because I don’t want to go unnoticed.”
Have you ever felt the way she does? Sadly, since our culture is retraining us to view beauty and seductiveness as the same thing, Christian girls like her are struggling to feel “pretty” unless they post sensual pictures. This is a major problem.
Beauty.
God is the author and designer of all things truly beautiful and he made us to carry that mark. He specifically designed women to be beautiful creatures and there is nothing wrong with displaying beauty to the world around us. However, a seductive woman (outside of the marriage bed) is using her God-given beauty for the wrong things.
Our outward beauty as Christian girls should never be used to purposely distract, seduce, entice, lure in, or arouse the people around us.
A Christian girls beauty should never be used selfishly and without thought to how our actions are affecting others.
Our most intimate body parts shouldn’t be thrown around like cheap disposable objects, but rather saved and cherished because we’re pure daughters of a Holy King. And if God has marriage in your future, saving your seductive allure will bless and honor your future husband.
Instead of following after our culture’s self-focused definition of beauty, we need to get back to God’s definition of what a beautiful girl truly looks like. I love how Leslie Ludy describes this:
“True feminine beauty is not a complicated formula involving hundreds of rules to remember. It is not something that requires spending two years at finishing school or being groomed as a beauty pageant queen. It is the natural byproduct of a young woman who has emptied herself, given up her own life, and allowed God’s Spirit complete access to every dimension of her inner and outer life.” ~The Lost Art Of True Beauty
True beauty is the furthest thing from “hot looks” and “sensual poses.”
True beauty is found in the girl who loves Jesus with all her heart and strives to use every area of her life to reflect well on His image. She lives her life to point the people around her to something much bigger and better than herself.
True beauty is having fun with pictures but being wise enough to know where to draw the line. It’s wearing fashionable clothing but knowing what sexual styles to avoid. It’s knowing how to wear makeup to enhance your natural beauty, but not going overboard with it. It’s caring more about being pure before God than striving for the likes and comments of your “friends” online.
It’s a desire to use your life (and photos) to influence others towards Christ and His holiness, not away from it.
I hope you can see that seductiveness and true beauty are two completely different things.
God wants you and me, as Christian girls, to display something radically better to our confused culture. If we won’t stand up and display God’s version of true beauty, who will?
I challenge you to seriously evaluate your current definition of beauty and ask yourself where it comes from.
Are you merging the terms, seduction and beauty? How do you describe a beautiful girl? How do you describe a seductive girl?
When people look at you and your online pictures, do they see a godly beautiful girl, or a worldly seductive one? Do you care more about drawing the attention to yourself or using your beauty to point others to Christ? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below!
Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal are two sisters from Texas spreading truth.
As they grew up, their family grew larger in number and taller in height. Eight of the ten family members are over six feet tall and often referred to as “that tall blonde family.” They’re not Scandinavian, but a Grandmother is from Austria!
After high school, one of the opportunities that came knocking on their door was modeling. Both tried out different agencies and were disappointed to discover that purity and high moral standards were not in the modeling vocabulary.
Both came to realize that being a girl in today’s world can be a confusing thing. Their hope is that Girl Defined will challenge, encourage, and open your eyes to the incredible truth of God’s design and purpose for your life.
Celebrate! The Girl Defined book is now available!
Charlotte Moore
AMEN!! Very good post! Hope you are doing well.
GOD BLESS!!
Jacqueline
God bless you back, Charlotte! You are a gem and a dear friend. I always smile when I see your name and words here 😀
Susie Ruth Powell
I have a problem with the idea of seduction. The person who does the seducing is focused on showing off her best assets and striking poses to attract attention. When doing that, the girl seducer is not paying enough attention to whose eye she is catching. A girl should have higher standards for herself and should want to catch rather than be caught. What that means is, she does not rely on her looks but is careful enough to investigate the other person. He may not be worthy. He may be dangerous. Most of all, when a man tells a woman that she is the most beautiful thing he has seen, he is lying. He is using flattery to conquer and in most cases he plans to move on. I found that the less interest I showed in a man, the more interested he was in me. Once I got his attention, I needed to know whether he was willing to talk and what he was interested in.
I am a woman lawyer. Unfortunately, I have encountered women who had sex with men and found out when they were pregnant and that the man hated children. Seduction is not a way to find what you want. It can lay the field open to men who are insincere and even dangerous. Hundreds of pretty women and girls disappear every year.
Jedidja
Thank you so much for these post. Indeed: True beauty is found in the girl who loves Jesus with all her heart.
Jacqueline
Aww, Jedidja~! It is marvelous to hear from you! I do stop by your blog from time to time but don’t always have time to leave a comment! You have been such an encouragement to me, sweet friend 😀
Mary
I agree. I raised 3 daughters and 2 of them stopped believing what they were taught and one has passed down poor standards for her daughters. I see the need for women and young women to understand the why’s of what they are doing even if it is sub-consciously…and it can be. If you have been emotionally abused, sexually abused, mentally abused, have developed low self-esteem, feel unattractive, been overweight, had eating disorders or have been denied the right attention from fathers, brothers, uncles, you may see this from a totally different angle. Or you might just think it is old-fashioned. If it is from that perspective, the Bible says “There is nothing new under the sun”. My 96 yr old mother passed 2 years ago, although I got away from the Lord for a few years and sinned, what she taught me came back to me and I am so thankful that she was my mother. Once your daughters are grown you have to let go and pray for them. You cannot reprimand them and tell them what to do. That is not your right as a mother of an adult. You can remind them once. Then let it go. Depend on the Lord to use someone else to bring them back into submission to the Lord. Legalism is just as problematic though. You do need to know WHY you do what you do and if it aligns itself to God’s Word. An elder’s wife told me one time that my idea of modesty was way out of whack because I don’t believe in bikinis or short shorts that expose parts that tempt. We cannot control men’s thoughts even when we are dressed modestly, but we do not have to promote the world’s agenda. Thank you for your words. Amen and Amen.
Jacqueline
Mary, I can and will come alongside you and pray right now the Lord will bring just the right set of circumstances and people to bring your daughter back to what she was taught. May her heart be quickened to the Holy Spirit and the Word!
You are a wise Mother!
Erika
Instead of being in tune with the physical realm, let’s seek to be in tune with the spiritual realm – the kingdom of God. That’s what matters!
Thank you for this post. It reminds me of a message God laid on my heart a while back: https://writtenrest.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/you-are-beautiful-really/
Jacqueline
Erika, I went to your blog! Thank you for sharing it with me 🙂 I left you a comment, friend!
Jessica Medina
Hi Jacqueline,
Thank you for posting this, “This is all truth beautifully put together to open the eyes of girls and women” to represent our beautiful father in heaven in a God honoring way. Lovely.
God bless you and your family.
slr
I appreciate your article and agree with it whole heartedly. I do feel ,however, that you have failed to mention one of the key roots of the problem. Christian men. Too many Christian men, old and young, married and single, have given themselves over to the seduction of this world. How many girls have dedicated themselves to purity, modesty, and a meek and quiet spirit, only to find that these are no longer valued by young Christian men. How many girls have made the decision to save themselves in hopes that God will bring some godly young man into their lives, only to find out that even the “godly” young men prefer girls who are “hot” (seductive), athletic (sexy), and ” outgoing” (flirtatious). How many meek and submisive wives have had the misfortune of discovering that their husbands are into pornagraphy. How many heartbroken wives have had to watch as their “godly” husband flirts with seduvtive women. Too many have suffered even greater heartache. Is it no wonder that the Christian female of today feels she must become sexy and seductive to be valued even in the Christian realm. Don’t get me wrong. This is not an excuse to do wrong. We have been taught our whole lives to dress and behave in a way that would not cause men to stumble. And so we should. Now the tables are turned. The sad fact is that many Christian men have become stumbling blocks for their weeker counterparts.
M.
Jacqueline, thank you for posting this. Years ago, when I taught in CHRISTIAN high school, I dreaded the dances. The girls, presumably Christian, would dress most inappropriately, even though there was a dress code. Few girls were turned away for immodest clothing, although that was what was in the handbook as a disciplinary action. (“Well, if we send the girl away for her dress, she may get into MORE trouble,” was heard as a rationalization for letting in the immodestly clothed girls.) It was difficult to enforce modest clothing, as some of the PARENT chaperones were immodestly dressed! (“We can’t tell the moms how to dress,” was another rationalization.)
I commented once to one of the other teachers, “When we were in high school, we wanted to be PRETTY. This generation wants to be SEXY.” In a CHRISTIAN setting, I found this most discouraging. Being pretty/lovely/beautiful needs to be encouraged. Thank you for this reminder.
Jacqueline
M, I too am often discouraged, but we must/can keep setting the example in being beautiful and tasteful and classy and trendy without being provocative or suggestive! How refreshing it is when we see beautiful girls/women that are not dowdy or stereotypic of a bygone era and yet maintain dignity and freshness! 😀 M, keep up the good work and fight the good fight!
Carolyn
I know this post is from several years ago, but I just read it for the first time. Thank you for saying what needs to be said and doing so in a sweet and encouraging manner! I simply wanted to add that girls today are also up against the word “sexy” being used to describe everything from cars to potato chips. As the old adage goes, “Sex sells.” Girls are set up to compare themselves as sexier than…cars, furniture, appliances, food, and ONE ANOTHER. In the marketplace of ideas, they are pitted against every other female to be “sexier”, going to vulgar extremes to do so. Look at the red carpet events and the clothing (or lack of) hailed by the media as hot and daring–which woman is wearing the MOST revealing, see-through, flesh baring outfit. Christian girls/women should stand out as refreshingly lovely, modest, and appealing for their godly character and nobility. Christ deserves nothing less!
Jacqueline
Absolutely right, Carolyn and we hope to continue posting more of Bethany and Kristen’s work! They are willing! Thank you for the feedback and keep standing for truth and right, friend <3 J
Betsy
I’m 26 years old I’m a mom of a little girl a wife even though glory to Christ my style has changed drastically, I still occasionally struggle with this…I want bigger shapely breasts because I feel less feminine and want to be more attractive for my husband (yes he struggles with porn) there was a time recently when he told me his problem I cried almost every day, my own inadequacy stems from childhood I was bullied picked on for all of my flaws, it wasn’t til after high school I went through a second puberty and grow into my features began to better my style and makeup but then came the influence of seductive and I embraced it and emulated it through selfies 2012-2015 era, I got all the validation on Instagram. I did it because I was the lesser desired in high school, I wanted revenge by teasing strange men and show off to the men that didn’t notice me or reject me in high school, I wanted to be worshiped. I had such a wicked heart ugly and selfish…I was in so deep and I wondered why I was so unsatisfied…I was living my life all wrong…Jesus saved me from destruction…in 2019…even though I married in 2016 I still tried to dress sexy I had a warped view that i needed to keep dressing trendy and hot because motherhood took that away from me, I know that I’m still sexy but reserved for my husband not for the world…I wasn’t saved then…today it creeps up every now and then, Jesus is working in me daily, I love dressing for the Lord I look more feminine and beautiful when I dress sweet and pure…I’m a child of God nothing in this wicked fallen world can compare to God! I hope my daughter learns quicker than I did..it took me 24 years!
Jacqueline
Oh, Betsy! I love your heart, and am drawn to your authenticity and honesty! You may not be aware of it yet, but your inner beauty is growing by leaps and bounds – I hear it in your sincere and confessional words!
I have been where you were, too, and if you read my testimony, you will see that the Lord’s mercy has been extended to us both… even though we’ve both been rebellious.
He woos his daughters and will never leave us ashamed or alone!
I would recommend a book to you that will just grip your heart and strengthen your mind, as well. See if you can get a copy of “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers!
It is my second favorite book ever! It is linked near the end in this post: https://deeprootsathome.com/2018-reading-list/
Stand firm in the Lord’s grace and peace,
Jacque