Parenting Strategies For The Child Who Rules You and Your Home

She’s going on 5. This has to stop. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what information to turn to that could help bring peace into our home. It is to a point where my husband and I cannot even enjoy our home or time together when he comes home from a 10 hour shift at work. He is a patient loving father. A good husband. But all of these stresses are starting to cause cracks in our foundation. We even find ourselves arguing now with one another when the stress is high. Our home feels divided on most days. My husband and I cannot figure out how to solve the problem.

I’m reaching out here for anyone to please help me. I feel like I’m at my wits end. I pray so hard for something to change, and maybe I just don’t have the right parenting tools or the know-how. I just want my daughter to be respectful and the tantrums to end. I cannot even function on some days, they are that bad.

Please help! Anyone!
Thank you!

Dear Reader, Practical Biblical Help:

1. Pray to God for parenting wisdom, for courage, for patience and tough love as you and your husband embark upon turning your home around.

2. Read Scripture about child-training and get a good book on child-training (Proverbs is great). I recommend Biblical Parenting by Don Gilchrist—read together with your husband or share with your husband the highlights of the book when he gets home from work if he doesn’t have time.

3. Don’t listen to that therapist. In fact, don’t ever go back again! I recommend getting wise counsel from your pastor or a biblical counselor instead.

4. Let your child know you are sorry for not training her in the past and from now on things are going to change. When she yells or talks back–let her know it is unacceptable. If she does not obey, there needs to be discipline. Train her to obey you the first time. It takes time, she won’t be perfect, but it is possible. This is crucial to the peace of your home, your sanity, your marriage, and to raising her to one day obey God. If she cannot obey you she will have a hard time obeying Him.

5. Check for contributing food issues. Dyes, food additives, preservatives, unknown food allergies.

• The Surprising Food That May Cause Anger & Aggression

• Red Dye #40 Can Cause Non-ADD Kids Hyperactive, Angry & Alter Brain Function

• Evidence: How Foods With Additives Affect Children’s Behavior

• Addictive Flavors & The Foods To Avoid That Contain Them

• MSG’s Connection to Obesity, Seizures and Sudden Death

6. Anger sounds like it is an issue here. Where is this little child learning all this anger? Is it from within the home? Friends? TV? You must teach your daughter self-control and how to use her anger for good. Outside of reading the Bible on this issue, I also highly recommend ‘The Heart of Anger’ by Lou Priolo.

7. As you begin learning how to properly train her/him—I encourage CONSISTENCY. I know this will be hard at first but absolutely essential if you want to gain any ground. If she sees there is a weak spot in the wall, she will go for it every time.

8. Be united in your parenting with your husband. Discuss how you will parent her and be on the same page, letting Dad take the lead. Be sure she does not try to divide you or manipulate you and your husband. She must see that you two are parenting as a team. If you disagree with anything, talk with your husband in private in the other room out of earshot. Also, know you will probably be responsible for the bulk of the training if you are at home with her most of the time. When your husband is home, let him take the lead in disciplining, etc.

9. Shepherd her/his heart. As much as we need God to shepherd ours–she needs her shepherded, too. Teach her God’s word and show her how it applies to real life. Love her with an unconditional love, but also with a tough love that doesn’t want to see her perish because of her anger and lack of self-control.

Books On Purposeful Parenting:

• The Heart of Anger, Lou Priolo

• James Dobson books: The Strong-Willed Child, Love Must Be Tough, Bringing Up Boys

• Parenting by the Book: Biblical Wisdom For Raising Your Child, John Rosemond

• Shepherding Your Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp

There is no need for the child to rule the home—peace CAN reign, but it takes trust in God, hard work, time and love. Know that you and your husband are doing the right thing both for your daughter’s sake and your home. While I cannot address all I’d like to on such a broad topic such as parenting in one post-I hope this little bit helps.

May the Lord bless your parenting endeavors!

My name is Mrs. June Fuentes, and I am  happily married to Steve, my church planting husband of over 24 years. I am a blessed homeschooling mother to nine beautiful children that we are raising for the Lord. I have a heart to see mothers all around the world grasp the vision of biblical motherhood and to see this noble role restored in the 21st century to the glory of God. I strongly believe that weak homes equate a weak nation and therefore created A Wise Woman Builds Her Home to minister to Christian women on building up strong Christian homes.