It is true that a father and daughter can have a very special relationship. It’s either a time of learning how to be loved by a real man or learning that a man might not be trusted.
There is a powerful influence that fathers have on their girls. Yes, Daddies teach daughters what to look for in a mate, whether they realize it or not.
[Note: There are many, many people who grow up to be confident, God-fearing, and capable who did not have a father present. Most often, this is because of the total dedication and loving effort of their mother].
And note, I am not saying a mom can MAKE this happen, either!
Dr. Voddie Baucham stated that, “Every father leaves a legacy for his daughter whether good or bad, whether by design or by default. Daughters watch carefully what dads prioritize as well as what they neglect, and then form their own ideals—including the kind of man they look for in a mate—in response to this.”
Can you see the excitement in our little girl’s eyes?
It was was the first of many ‘dates’ with Daddy! My very tired husband got all cleaned up after a hard day’s work outside, and she took a bath and wore her best dress.
She still loves to dress up for a date with her Dad – and now the special young man she married.
She looks to her father for affirmation, encouragement, and guidance.
As she grows through puberty (ESPECIALLY, as she grows through puberty), she needs his voice reminding her that she is beautiful, valuable, and worthy of love. If she is loved unconditionally, she won’t settle for anything less in her future husband.
Mothers, the lasting legacy of a healthy, ongoing father and daughter relationship is worth the trouble to cultivate.
You can either help it or hinder it.
Help Him!
We as moms can make opportunities for our husbands to interact with and bond with our daughters from the earliest years. While many dads are very hands-on and interactive as dads, some are uncomfortable or hesitant or just not naturals at being engaged dads. I grew up with a very busy, distracted father and when He was with us, he was embedded in his newspaper and appeared uninterested. In his later years, he admitted he loved us very much but “just didn’t know how to show it.” I later realized my mom criticized enough of what he did that he stopped trying.
Honestly, some dads feel awkward, unwelcome or that they just don’t know what to do when the mom is confident and maybe communicating he is doing it all wrong..
Moms, do all you can in your quiet and womanly power to include your husband in the little things so bonding can occur. While your little girl is still tiny, ask him if he would be willing to join in at bedtime, rock her, feed her or read books aloud to her. And let him do it his way.
Pray a growing desire to protect and provide for her will fill his heart as he helps care for her smallest needs.
Express gratitude for your husband’s hard work and encourage every effort he makes to engage the children, both the boys AND the girls. It is easier for him to relate to a boy and toy cars … it may be more difficult for him to find his way among doll babies, pink dresses, and tea parties.
Each of our children enjoyed a ‘date’ with their daddy most every month when they were small; it is a tradition that has paid back huge dividends even though I did not get quite as many dates.
While not always happy with that arrangement then, now I see the wisdom of fostering those bonding times.
Many, many problems and discipline issues were worked out during that time with their Father, and I was able to see my husband grow into the leader he has become today.
Foster a Strong Relationship Between Them
First, pray for your husband daily and trust God to answer your requests. Pray for his well-being, that the Lord would ‘keep him from evil’ and give him blessing, wisdom, knowledge, spiritual maturity, purity, discretion, and guidance. Look for God’s answers to your prayers and thank Him for working in your attitude and your family’s attitude.
Respecting your husband and treating him as a man (not a bad little boy) will go a long way to encouraging him in the right direction. Don’t criticize or in any way belittle your husband to your children. We won’t be perfect in it, but we can ask for help from the Lord!
Help your daughter pull together a simple picnic or help her make special treats for her dad. Help her write little notes. Find things your husband likes to do that your daughter can come alongside.
Encourage and model respect for her dad.
Take joy in that very special relationship and foster it; do not begrudge it, for your daughter is learning how to be loved by a real man, flaws and all. Where there is sincere and sacrificial love in Christ Jesus, it overflows, and there is enough to go around for everyone!
“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” ~Proverbs 14: 1
The Power of a Father
Dr. Margaret J. Meeker, a pediatrician with more than 25 years of experience in counseling girls, wrote a book entitled Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know. In it, she lists some findings from her research on the important influence of fathers.
• A daughter’s self-esteem is best predicted by her father’s loving affection.
• Toddlers securely attached to fathers are better at solving problems.
• With dads in the home, children managed stress better.
• Daughters whose fathers provide warmth and appropriate control achieve higher academic success. Girls involved with dad are twice as likely to stay in school.
• Daughters who are close to their fathers exhibit less anxiety and withdrawn behaviors.
• The likelihood that daughters engage in premarital sex, drug use, and alcohol plummets when their dads are involved in their lives.
• Daughters who feel that their fathers care about them and feel connected with their dads have significantly fewer suicide attempts and fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and unhealthy weight.
• Six-month-olds scored higher on tests of mental development when their dads were involved in their lives.
”From the first years of a girl’s life her father is larger than life. She looks up to him, and for the rest of her life she craves his admiration, his respect and his affection.” ~Margaret J. Meeker
(Portions excerpted from Father’s Impact on His Daughters by Valerie Plowman)
(Note: Of course, fathers also influence their sons, but as I am a daughter, I thought I would talk about daughters today. I also want to encourage any mother who is parenting without a father present. There are many, many people who grow up to be confident, God-fearing, and capable who did not have a father present. Most often, this is because of the total dedication and loving effort of their mother.)
If There Is No Father at Home?
Please read this: Are Our Men Really At Home? Some Definitely Are. But Some Are Not
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Mrs. Z
I couldn’t agree with this post more! Our first 4 children are all girls. As the older 3 have hit their teen years, we turned the raising of them over to dad. He has been the one that compliments them, that spends his lunch hour and after work talking to them. He is the one who disciples them when they make wrong choices. In a nutshell, we agreed that this time is critical for a father to become central in their lives.
And what a blessing it’s been! Girls NEED their daddies!!
Beautiful post!
Jacqueline
Thank you for your kind words, Mrs Z.
I long for that relationship that I never had with my father, but I am seeing more clearly every year I live that my real Father, our Heavenly Father, is there for me, and He is gentle and never makes mistakes. How assuring when He tell us, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jer. 29: 11 Isn’t that what we are really longing for?
Grace and peace,
J
Suzanne Andrews
What a beautiful post. I’m so thankful for a husband who takes time for his beautiful daughters. He’s on an overnight father/daughter trip with our younger daughter as we speak. Enjoyed your blog today.
Mara
This post was beautifully written. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a close relationship with my father, and now that he has passed, oh, how I miss him so! It’s only after the fact that I realize how important he was in my life. It is my prayer that daughters will be able to get to know their earthly father’s better. I don’t want them to be like me – waiting until it’s too late!
Jacqueline
Dear Mara,
A broken relationship with our father is one of the hardest things to work through in life. It seems we are not whole without it somehow, but I thank the Lord that we are adopted into the family of God through faith in Christ Jesus! We are children (and daughters) of the King!
My father went to be with the Lord 2 years ago, and it was only after he accepted Jesus that he was able to really show us the love we so desperately needed.
May the Almighty, Lover of our soul, hold you close, and may you know you are that He rejoices over you with singing!
Love,
Jacqueline
“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
JES
Thank you for taking the time to share this. The father’s role with his daughter is vital and sadly many men today take the back seat and let the wife run the show thinking they lack the “know how” since they are of the opposite sex. So many blessings are lost when this happens… May God put the confidence in their hearts to be the leader and encourager in their homes.
Kristina F
That second picture is especially precious! Love it!
Nicole
What a great post for the month of Father’s day, when are minds are more focused on fathers. This is such a good post and really highlights the importance of fathers in a child’s life! Thank you for sharing with Workin’ It Mondays 🙂
What Joy Is Mine
Jacqueline…what a great post! I didn’t have this kind of loving relationship with my father but am grateful we are nurturing one for my daughter with her daddy, my Love. Glad you linked this one up at WJIM.
lisha epperson
new to blogging and linked this post to one I wrote…your beautifully written post seemed to be the part 2 of mine. will follow your blog/journey. be well.
Jacqueline
Hi and welcome, Lisha!
That is great! I hope to be over tomorrow to visit and read your post! It may be Monday…we are making cheese tomorrow after church! Many blessings in the name of Jesus!
Rachel Peterman
Your article blessed my heart so much!! My daddy introduced me to the Lord Jesus when I was 5 and although I didn’t always see the Heavenly Father’s love through him, I tried very much to trust the Lord to fill in those gaps. As a mother of 3 now and happily married, I understand just how much work it takes to let His love shine through us at all times!!
Fathers do indeed hold a great deal of influence over their little ones lives and hearts. If we as mothers step back and allow them to take their place, our children will grow up more balanced and secure. I so appreciate your article on this crucial area of our precious children’s development! God bless you!!
Heather B
What a beautiful post. Thank you for addressing it to mothers. We have a responsibility to encourage our husbands, too, and it’s SO important how our kids/girls see us treat one another. Very insightful. We’ve been reading a new book (renewed release) that aligns so well with everything you’re saying, including daddies needing a little tea party training. We’re so excited about this book, I have to share. It’s called “She Calls Me Daddy: 7 Things You Need to Know About Building a Complete Daughter,” by Robert Wolgemuth. The original book came out in the 90s, a best-seller, has been updated for today. His girls are grown up and give their own input along with their husbands who are daddies to girls. I understand 40% of the book is new material. It’s so unique in this way. Robert puts the anxieties of Daddy raising his girl(s) to rest, guiding you through challenges and good times – protecting, conversation, affection, discipline, laughter, faith, conduct. So great for helping daddies learn to lead, love and cherish. An invaluable investment. I highly recommend it!
Jacqueline
Oh, we know of Robert W. I will definitely look into this book!! Thank you SO much for the recommendation, friend 🙂 Have a blessed Lord’s Day!