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My Daughter Is Gone

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My daughter walked out the door carrying as much as she could hold. She gave me a big hug, a kiss, and turned to looked at me one last time. Immediately, I began to pray.

Climbing the stairs up to her bedroom, I began to reminisce on the last 19 years.

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Walking into my daughter’s bedroom, my eyes took in the span of her life from the time her Dad and I struggled to conceive ~to when her twin brother climbed into her crib to ‘talk’ ~to when I would sing to Michael Card lullabies on cassette to them in the rocker by their window.

It was clear in my mind.

It was all so fresh.

My Daughter Is Gone, leaving home, absconder, emotions, prayer, intercession, love, regrets, teenager, tween, family, bedroom, doll, dolls, hope chest, broken heart, parents, caring for grandparent, helping family, vacation, visiting, Oma, Opa, nursing home, elder care, children, sons, escaped, fleeing, fugitive, loose, out of control, uncontrolled, wild, deserter, escapee, escaper, fugitive, refugee, truant, rebellious daughter, runaway child, lonely mother, empty nest, grown up children, homemaking, mother daughter relationship, memories, reminisce, the past, looking back, wishful, happy, thankful, bonding, homemaking, keeper at home, homeschool, teacher, student, TESOL, India, ministry, missions, culture changer, friends, road trip, danger, safety, grandparents, old books, vintage, lullabies, Jessica's First Prayer, The Imitation of Christ, rocking chair, singing,

I picked up the books she poured over and inhaled that singular fragrance of carefully sought-after older hardcovers.

I had prayed before each trip to search for old books (new ones, too) and had felt the guidance of the Holy Spirit many times. These were a gift from my heart to hers, lovingly chosen.

But time sped by, and she had grown to begin collecting her own library, developing her own feminine style, and very naturally developing special friendships in our church and community. She was no longer a girl.

A lot of times we take our children for granted.

We can get lulled into busyness and get distracted by the pressing things of life, can’t we?

We just presume that they will always be there, even though we know that separation is sometimes unavoidable and death is guaranteed in this life.

It takes times like this, times given by God, to wake us up to the brevity of time with them.

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Every nook held sweet memories. A basket of yarn, a sweater in progress, little creations underway…

Thoughts of many hours spent on the sewing machine ripping out stitches, and finally getting it just right, caused me to laugh…and then tears began to well up. How I missed our sweet, funny, industrious girl!

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My Daughter Is Gone, leaving home, emotions, prayer, love, regrets, teenager, tween, family, bedroom, doll, dolls, hope chest, broken heart, parents, caring for grandparent, helping family, vacation, visiting, Oma, Opa, nursing home, elder care, children, sons, escaped, fleeing, fugitive, loose, out of control, uncontrolled, wild, deserter, escapee, escaper, fugitive, refugee, truant, rebellious daughter, runaway child, lonely mother, empty nest, grown up children, homemaking, mother daughter relationship, memories, reminisce, the past, looking back, wishful, happy, thankful, bonding, homemaking, keeper at home, homeschool, teacher, student, TESOL, India, ministry, missions, culture changer, friends, road trip, danger, safety, grandparents,

My heart ached for all my failures and missed opportunities.

A mother’s love is boundless, and old feelings of guilt flooded me… I could have done more! done better! been kinder! been more submissive! taught school better! been more consistent! modeled so many things better!

The same old attack of the evil one was on, and my heart and mind just flowed along with it.

My Daughter Is Gone, leaving home, prayer, intercession, love, regrets, teenager, tween, family, bedroom, doll, dolls, hope chest, broken heart, parents, caring for grandparent, helping family, vacation, visiting, Oma, Opa, nursing home, elder care, children, sons, escaped, fleeing, fugitive, loose, out of control, uncontrolled, wild, deserter, escapee, escaper, fugitive, refugee, truant, rebellious daughter, runaway child, lonely mother, empty nest, grown up children, homemaking, mother daughter relationship, memories, reminisce, the past, looking back, wishful, happy, thankful, bonding, homemaking, keeper at home, homeschool, teacher, student, TESOL, India, ministry, missions, culture changer, friends, road trip, danger, safety, grandparents, old books, vintage, lullabies, Bible, Knowing God

Seeing her Bible and journal at the bedside stemmed my flow of tears…and the pity party. The loss was replaced with hope and joy for her return.

Having aging grandparents at a distance requires attention and time, and the 4 days she was there to visit and help, I knew, were days well spent.

Concern over her considerable time on the road alone and other challenges had all built up in my mind, but certain portions of scripture flooded in bringing truth and light to the gloom within.

Yes, we were all thankful when she came home from her time away, tired and happy.

“Listen, {my daughter}, accept what I say,      
and the years of your life will be many. 
I instruct you in the way of wisdom      
and lead you along straight paths. 
When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;      
when you run, you will not stumble. 
Hold on to instruction, do not let it go;      
guard it well, for it is your life.”

~ Proverbs 4: 10-13

Mothers, I urge you not to take this time of discipling your daughter for granted – it is indeed short! These last 21 years have flashed by, and even as flawed as I am, I still prayerfully continue to mentor and disciple. Knowing that I can’t redo them or change anything spurs me to transform my own mind and to take every thought captive for the Lord.

Don’t waste time worrying about non-essentials.

Focus on binding heartstrings.

And pray without ceasing!

Mama’s note: Our only daughter married the love of her life this January (2017) and moved with him to the PNW. Thirty-six hours away!

And while it is bittersweet, those heart strings will remain strong!

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“We best understand the feelings and affections of God toward us when we bend over our own child and see in our human parenthood a faint image of the divine Fatherhood. Their helplessness appeals to every principle of nobleness in our hearts. Their innocence exerts over us a purifying power. The thought of our responsibility for them exalts every faculty of our souls.  When old age comes, very lonely is the home which has neither son nor daughter to return with grateful ministries, to bring solace and comfort to the declining years!” ~J. R. Miller, Homemaking

My Daughter Is Gone, leaving home, prayer, intercession, love, regrets, teenager, tween, family, bedroom, doll, dolls, hope chest, broken heart, parents, caring for grandparent, helping family, vacation, visiting, Oma, Opa, nursing home, elder care, children, sons, escaped, fleeing, fugitive, loose, out of control, uncontrolled, wild, deserter, escapee, escaper, fugitive, refugee, truant, rebellious daughter, runaway child, lonely mother, empty nest, grown up children, homemaking, mother daughter relationship, memories, reminisce, the past, looking back, wishful, happy, thankful, bonding, homemaking, keeper at home, homeschool, teacher, student, doll face

Great Reading List For the Older Daughter:

Don’t Waste Your Life, by John Piper
Lies Young Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Evidence Not Seen: A Woman’s Miraculous Faith in the Jungles of World War II, by
Darlene Deibler Rose
Safely Home, by Randy Alcorn
Hearts of Fire: Eight Women in the Underground Church and Their Stories of Costly Faith, by The Voice of the Martyrs
Jessica’s First Prayer: Jessica’s Mother, by Hesba Stretton
Set-Apart Femininity: God’s Sacred Intent for Every Young Woman, by Leslie Ludy
Wings Like a Dove: The Courage of Queen Jeanne D’Albret, by Christine Farenhorst
Dr. Oma: The Healing Wisdom of Countess Juliana Von Stolberg, by Ethel Herr
Dreams and Visions: Is Jesus Awakening the Muslim World?, by Tom Doyle
Authentic Beauty: The Shaping of a Set-Apart Young Woman, by Leslie Ludy
Ollie Chandler Collection: Three Novels: Deadline, Dominion, Deception, by Randy Alcorn
The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit, by Matthew Henry
Knowing God, by J. I. Packer
Lord, Change My Attitude: Before It’s Too Late, by James MacDonald 

Can you recommend other great books to encourage our older daughters in their faith and Christian worldview?

Pin It! Pin It! And please share!

My Daughter Is Gone, leaving home, prayer, intercession, love, regrets, teenager, tween, family, bedroom, doll, dolls, hope chest, broken heart, parents, caring for grandparent, helping family, vacation, visiting, Oma, Opa, nursing home, elder care, children, sons, escaped, fleeing, fugitive, loose, out of control, uncontrolled, wild, deserter, escapee, escaper, fugitive, refugee, truant, rebellious daughter, runaway child, lonely mother, empty nest, grown up children, homemaking, mother daughter relationship, memories, reminisce, the past, looking back, wishful, happy, thankful, bonding, homemaking, keeper at home, homeschool, teacher, student, doll face

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Thanks for reading!

Jacqueline
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Comments

  1. Well, I’m at the beginning of this journey. My sweet Gigi is just about to be 5. She is so vivacious and wonderful and beautiful in every way. I am excited (and nervous) about seeing her blossom into a young woman who will fly this coop one day, seemingly overnight. For now, I am enjoying her in her footie pajamas and high-pitched giggles. Thanks for sharing! I am touched and my heart is warmed.

  2. Those pictures and books reflect our home and I am already in tears! Thanks for sharing that sacred part of motherhood and the reminders of how quickly they grow…

  4. Oh, sweet Jacque~~ thank you for once again sharing your heart so openly and touching so many. Such a wonderful reminder. Especially in this day when we are so bombarded with things that want our attention. How easy it is to overlook the most important things. Time passes quickly. My boys are almost 11 and 9 and I find myself longing for toddler days when a hug and kiss is all is took to fix their world. I am thankful for this privilege and pray for God’s guidance and that I would not let any moment slip through my fingers while focusing on less important “stuff”. Bless you!

    • Dear Mary, Thank you for your kind words. It was my pleasure! Yes, we have such an awesome responsibility, but God is gracious to redeem the time, isn’t He?!

  5. Oh, my. Tears welled up while I read this post. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you,
    for the reminder to sew & plant in my daughter’s life. Olivia just turned 12 and she is our only girl. After 2 teenage boys, this is a change. She is growing way too fast, already.
    Your sweet reminders and even admonishing against the lies of the enemy—
    I welcome them all!
    Thank you friend 🙂
    I am TRULY encouraged~

  6. Wonderful post!

    I does fly by so quickly! My oldest daughter will be 20 in two weeks! These years are so wonderful and terrifying! God is so good, and my girls like yours all trust the Lord!

    Thank you for sharing your heart!

    Deanna

  7. Hello Jackie! This is such a sweet post, written from your heart. Our Julia is quickly transforming from girl into young woman! I must remember to pray for her, invest in her life, treasure the days, and appreciate our differences (for she and I are quite different!)

    Sorry to have missed seeing everyone today. In some ways, I think of myself as one of your “daughters” -in-the -Lord 🙂

    Jessica

    • Jessica, I had a nice conversation with Julia today as we ate our lunch side by side! She is a delightful young lady and has a tender heart. She told me all about Joseph David and painted me sweet pictures of these last weeks. I can’t wait to hold him !!

    • Jessica, We missed you, too! I am praying for little Joseph David every day, and we are so thankful he is growing nicely!! God’s power is evident in all that’s happening! Blessings to you all this wonderful Christmas season!! Grace and peace to you all!

  8. What a beautiful post to share! Yes, I, too, can think of may “coulda-woulda-shouldas”, yet today is another day to start over, isn’t it?! Still having 3 adult daughters at home (almost 27, 21, 18) reminds me that as wonderful as it is to be a family, this time of having them all under our roof is not meant to be forever, and even having our married daughter (24) and her daughter (9 months) living with us for the time being reminds me even more how quickly time does fly by as we marvel and take joy in little Sophia’s milestones. One day, she, too, will be all grown up. It just happens in a blink of an eye. If we think this time passes so incredibly quickly, just remember how it must feel to those who do not home educate their sons and daughters. What a blessing from above that all the “blood, sweat and tears” was worth e.v.e.r.y. drop because we can now look back in hindsight and rejoice in God’s faithfulness even when we were not faithful. May our adult children go farther, do mightier works, and be more diligent and wise than we!

    • Hello, Pam!! I am so blessed to hear from you! I know your home is full to the rafters right now, but as you describe, it is a joyous time of bonding and growth.
      I wish you and yours all the richest blessings, grace, and peace this Christmas season. I miss you and so appreciate your heart!!

  10. Beautiful beautiful and all too true…thank you for sharing a lovely post. I hope others read it and take it to heart. It is so difficult for mothers of young children to realize how fleeting it all is! As a mom of 11 with grandchildren, I can attest to the fact that….I wonder where did the time go? Thank the Lord for each day! Blessings~

    • Dana, I saw that you linked to me and this post. Thank you so much for your kind words! The Lord is sovereign and working all things to His glory! Praise God!

  11. This is beautiful. My days are packed full and in a matter of moments I find that night is falling and another day is spent! Thank you so much for the gentle admonishment to drink it in and savor every fleeting moment!!!

    • Oh, Kasey, I can’t tell you how I have regretted the time I used wastefully!! But, the Lord can redeem the days (Joel 2).

  12. Boy this post tugged on my heart strings, gulp, my sweet daughter is 16 and a half, and it is so true how quickly time flies by. I love your pictures of books and knitting basket, that is exactly the type of thing in my precious daughter’s room. Thank you for the reminder, it is so easy to let the day’s busyness soak up time that could be spent with my wonderful daughter, and son who is 15 and growing up so quickly as well. Pray without ceasing- I so agree. Thank You 🙂

  13. I am in tears as I reflect on the day that my little girl went away for a year to dance with Ballet San Antonio in Texas. She is home for now, but we never know when we will be saying ‘goodbye’ again. So, every second, every minute, every hour, every day I enjoy my daughter’s company and make sure I tell her that I love her very much!!!!!!

    • Ingrid,
      I am praying for you and your daughter. May the Lord open doors in your hearts and shed grace and mercy in your relationship. Thank you for your kind words!
      Blessings as you celebrate the coming of the Christ child to dwell with men.
      Jacqueline

  14. Oh my gosh you made me cry. My precious girl is 10 & we are more than half way to her being grown. Thank you for reminding me to stop and enjoy it. Time is going by so fast!

  15. I’m a young mother of 4- my two oldest are girls, ages 8 and 5. I am brand new on this journey… and very often overwhelmed! Thank you for this beautiful reminder to keep focused on things eternal. We young mothers need those reminders! There is so much in this world to sidetrack us.

    Found your beautiful blog through Heather’s Proverbs 31 link-up… so glad I did!

  16. I loved this post! It grabbed me from over at Women Living Well, because I’m experiencing the ‘reverse childbirth’ of my daughter slowly learning to leave my mothering. What a sweet mourning it is to watch the relationship change. You are beautiful, and I’m glad I found your blog!

  18. My daughter is turning 16 soon and I cannot stop thinking about how short a time I have with her at home. It is truly heart wrenching. Thank you for so graciously reminding me to love her and not take my time with her for granted.

  19. Oi Jaque Line!

    Este é um sofrimento inevitável. Nós criamos nossos filhos para serem independentes de nós, mas dói muito quando chega a hora de nos separarmos. Mas muitas recompensas virão. Como você está? E sua filha está feliz? abraços!
    Hi Jack Line!
    =
    This is an unavoidable suffering. We raise our children to be independent of us, but it hurts a lot when it comes time for us to part. But many rewards will come. How are you? And your daughter is happy? hugs!

    • Dear Miriam,
      I hope I didn’t make you sad needlessly! Our daughter just went to help and stay with her grandparents for a few days. She is back and is living happily (and busily) at home 🙂
      there were several others that thought she was gone for good!!

  20. Hi Jacqueline. I recently found your blog and I am so enjoying it! I too have had to watch a daughter go out the door with a nervous smile on her face. She followed an older brother into the Coast Guard! My precious, Proverbs 31 in training daughter spent 4 yrs as a helicopter mechanic. God was gracious to her and us, in that he protected her while she was away from us. She is married to an incredible, Godly, young sailor now and is the Momma of 2 precious baby girls. In 8 weeks they will be coming full circle, returning to her home town to take up homesteading on their own little mini farm. Your post brought fresh tears to my eyes and a lump in my chest. After my husband, she has always been my best friend and I’ve missed her company so. She’s been gone 6 years now. She is an amazing Momma and I can’t wait to be near enough to be a part their lives. Her older brother (still in the CG) and her next younger brother ( a Navy Vet, newly married & now in college) are still very far from home. I know it’s Gods will that they “leave their father & mother”, but some days I ache for their childhood. I’ve one son left at home & I try every day to be intentional in guiding him, loving him, encouraging him. It’s just a breathe of time, then its gone. Love your blog, truly.

    • Oh, dear Kim,
      My heart aches for you and for all us Mothers as we live one day at a time…and it does wing by so quickly. Lord, may we always be aware of our words and our influence. May it bring glory and point to YOU as we train up our children. May our husbands be godly men of intention and courage to lead, and we be the excellent helpmeet you intend. Help us, dear Lord and bless Kim and her family today.

  21. My Joshua (my baby) celebrates 23 years today and I do ponder where the time went. So thankful for the goodness of God in redeeming the years that we were not walking with the Lord. I love her reading list Jacque. Two more recent reads for me I would add are War of Words by Paul David Tripp and Accidental Pharisees by Larry Osborne. Thank you for sharing this today sweet friend and bringing tears to my eyes. You have a beautiful daughter and she has a beautiful Mama too <3. Love you xoxo

    • Thank you, sweet friend. Please tell Joshua that a family in Indiana send him warm birthday wishes!

    • Thank you, dear Renee!!! You are blessed…your little one will be here soon!!!! Praying for you ALL 🙂

  23. Such wise words. Tying the heart strings, that’s the hardest part of mothering. I’m a do-er by nature, and while that’s not always a bad thing, I can neglect my sweet dear children in my quest to do-the-next-thing. Thank you for such a gentle reminder.

    • Katie, doing isn’t bad! It’s how the doing is directed. The key is that what is most important to us is what we end up doing! I find I need to always reassess my priorities or I get out of whack and off track!
      Keep asking the Lord for wisdom! Love you!

  24. This made me cry today. My youngest daughter has a sweet young man courting her. They have been friends for a few years, and he asked for and received permission to give her a promise ring for her 18th birthday this past April. Today, we all sat down and he spoke of their praying for God’s guidance for their lives. He would like to change to an engagement and begin marriage counseling classes later this year. I know I will miss her, but I also know they love each other and God, and I am excited for their future!

    • How beautiful, Shasta.
      It is bittersweet when our daughters fall in love and marry, but that is one of the main reasons we raised them in the Lord. I am so thankful and excited for you, dear mama. May the Lord quiet your heart and bring you ALL great joy in what He is doing in this next season. Plus…now you will have a new son 🙂
      Blessings!

  25. You have a wonderful daughter. Congratulations! My daughter is only 4, and I can only imagine the day she will be all grown up, but it hurts already….

    • Eva, just enjoy it while it is yours to enjoy! With God all things are possible, dear one, and you have many sweet years yet ahead. Do the best you can and lay it all at the feet of One who knows the future.
      I hope you don’t think we are perfect (this is a concern I have), for we are not! Please don’t let this post make you feel insecure or incapable to achieve some particular vision…we are still working on laying our lives down before the Lord and have so much to learn. We all do until the race is run!
      God bless and fill you with peace today!

  26. Our children grow so quickly. It is so important that we fill their lives with resources that will lead and develop them spiritually. I loved your book recommendations. Thanks for sharing on Literacy Musing Mondays.

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